Urban Mom

Hungry Heart

2011-03-26T17:38:00.001-05:00

I've been needing to take a little more interest in nutrition lately. One could chalk it up to accepting the reality of my own mortality. Or at least to the desire to put off that reality for as long as possible. Y'see, I'm spoiled. Blessed, even. I have a body that, for the most part, works the way I ask it to. I've been a runner since I was about ten years old, grew up in a household headed by a woman who was ahead of her time as far as healthy cooking, ran cross-country and track (not terribly well, but consistently enough), and continued with good habits into adulthood (if you don't count the phase where I drank like it was an Olympic sport in which I was determined to medal). I rode my bike to my corporate job, ran during lunch, rode my bike home, ordered steamed veggies and tofu, all that stuff.

So here I am scheduling a HeartScan. And learning a lot about what I didn't know along the way.

Here's the kicker: my bad cholesterol is golden. Not surprising, I suppose. I don't like to cook (there! I admit it!), and when I do... well, let's just say that when Urban Dad and I go out, I make it a point to not order chicken.

But the good cholesterol? The one that's supposed to be at least 50 in women? Preferably higher? Mine is 33. And that's an improvement over the last few years. My doctor is now filling me in on heart disease in women and imploring me to get a (not-likely-covered-by-insurance) HeartScan to make sure that my lack of protective cholesterol isn't leading to plaque in my ticker.

Best Namma Ever! was completely and immediately concerned. "Schedule it! Schedule it now! I'll pay for the damn thing if you want!"

The conversation with Urban Dad went a little differently:
Me: "My doctor wants me to find the money to do a Heart Scan."
Him: "Pffffft! That's stupid! You're nowhere near overweight, you don't eat heavily, you've exercised your whole life."
Me: "That's not the point. In fact, I should be exercising more."
Him: "Pfffffft! That's stupid! You exercise plenty. Hell, just chasing the kids is exercise, let alone when you go to the gym."
Me: "My dad had bypass surgery and cholesterol problems run in my mom's side."
Him: "Pffffft! That's stupid! How old was your dad when he had surgery? And he's not exactly an exercise fiend, right?"
Me: "My numbers are not improving. My doctor is concerned and just wants to know. Heart disease is a huge thing in women. For example, my girlfriend Diane has been on Plavix since she was 32 because of plaque in her heart."
Him: "Pfffffft! That's stupid! There's nothing wrong with you. You're fine."
Me: "STOP SCOFFING ME!"
Him: *****silence*****

Lest you think less of Urban Dad, understand that this is how he works. He reacts all ~~arrogantly~~ sure of himself, but then the idea sinks in after a while. You can tell as he asks questions over the next several days. For example, a few days later, as we were dozing off, out of nowhere, it was, "So where do you go for a HeartScan?" The next day it was, "How much is the test? It doesn't matter, of course, but I'm just curious." The day after that it was, "Do you want to get one? Have you scheduled it yet?" He turns it over in his mind and works his way to a paradigm shift. And as this process happens, I do my bits of research so that I can ~~drag him along~~ cheerfully share what I've learned. It's a process, but it happens. Eventually. In fact, when I let the scheduling slide down my To-Do List, Urban Dad actually badgered me to finally schedule it already.

(over Spring Break, thanks, so that he can take the Urban Kids -- babysitters are $15/hr, y'know!)

In the meantime, I went to a nutrition seminar in order to learn more about foods that will help raise that 33. When I asked my specific question, I got a lot of "oh, don't get wrapped up in numbers" in the response from a couple of overly-groovy trainers. Ummmm.... and your medical degree is from.......where, exactly?

God bless my doctor and the internet. As I type, I have salmon marinating. (yes! i'm going to try to cook something!) I have fish oil capsules in the cabinet. And, of course, a glass of red wine by the computer. I can't get away to the gym more often than on Saturdays and Sundays, but that will hopefully change soon. In the meantime, when I do an errand, I just try to walkthereasfastasIcan!

Here's to spending $395 and a morning at UIC to find out that everything is clear as a bell! (*clink*)

Who Exactly Are You Testing Here, Urban Mom?

2011-03-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

What can I tell you? I'm in a weird place. It's a dusty, tail-bone-bruised, grit-in-my-teeth kind of place that one lands after falling off of a high horse.

And it's a worried place. Am I doing this right? Am I messing up this whole homeschooling thing? I mean, one of the reasons that we're doing this is because we think that we can do it better than the system. But here I am.... worrying.... I tell people that we'll do this for as long as it works, for as long as it's the best way to serve the Urban Kids.

I've been given a statistical kick in the hiney this week.

The backstory:

Chicago Public Schools has a nearly impossible to navigate network of magnet or selective enrollment schools. You have to apply to go to these extra-special places. And you have to test in (ok, admission is based on the score plus additional census factors all combined into an algorithm that would confuse stephen hawking). The type of test that your kid takes depends on the type of school you want her to attend. When the results/acceptance letters go out from CPS, word spreads like wildfire amongst parents. Mail carriers fear rabid parents waiting at their doors as they frantically grapple for these letters.

For the last three years, I've "applied" Urban Kid 1 to these schools. We're in the luxurious position of getting a free test (our tax dollars at work, right?) without having to actually have any angst about this letter holding my child's future within its text.

Applying for Kindergarten: (one test) Urban Kid 1 scored in the 99.7th percentile. Urban Dad's genetic influence was clearly manifesting itself.

Applying for First Grade: (two tests) On test #1, U-Kid 1 scored in the 99th percentile in reading and in the 97th percentile in math. On test #2, she pulled a score of 123 out of maybe 130, landing her in the 94th percentile. I figured that was pretty sweet, that our little arrangment here was working, and even ventured to pat myself on the back a bit.

I got the results this week for "applying" to Second Grade

Test #1: 96th percentile in reading and 77th percentile in math.

Test #2: 106 points

Which had me reacting like this:

I was crushed. Not by the scores, mind you. She's a happy, playful, friendly, socially adept and curious kid, and yes, those things are the most important things. Please don't leave me grumpy comments about the scores themselves. I'm massively concerned about the drop, about the sudden change. I figured that when I was starting to get in over my head that the scores would sliiiiide down over a period of time. So it was this potential evidence about whether I am utterly bombing as my daughters' teacher that had me sitting catatonically with the letter and with tears welling up in my eyes.

Urban Dad, who already spends the majority of his days running around tending to things and people, had to talk me down.

"She had a bad day; so what!"
"Give me a break, she knows math!" (this from a former trader the the Mercantile Exchange)
"They screwed up the test, obviously."
"Even if the test is right, math is the easiest thing to fix -- it's just practice."
"Will you stop? You're doing a great job! She's getting a great education because of you. Forget about this!"
"You remember Vimal?" (i do... brilliant former student of u-dad's... several years later, he went into finance, and u-dad and i gave him money to invest; we also attended his wedding) "Vimal failed the AP test for my class because he accidentally filled in the blanks on the computer form wrong. Do you hear me? Vimal got a failing score." (i hadn't known this before) "So STOP, you haven't done anything wrong!"

When Urban Kid 1 was in the room later -- no, we haven't shared this with her -- he casually asked her a few math questions, a la how homeschool kids are often drilled by strangers. Without looking up, she popped off correct answers. And she recalled the tests as easy (so perhaps she was too cavalier?)

Now if I want to play the My Baby Is Perfect It's You That's The Problem Game, I can do that as well as any other parent. At the first test, there was a blizzard bad enough to make me opt for the El rather than driving. By the time we trained down there, walked to the facility, took the test, and trained back, the test was an aaaaallllllll daaaayyyy event. So yeah, there ya go.... it was the weather! For the second test, we drove there, easily found our way to the facility, and walked in to find the facility's thermometer cranking. While we were dressed for Chicago in December, it felt like

Urban Kid 1 and her fellow test-takers came out dragging and with bright pink cheeks. I asked if the test administers didn't open a window... she replied, "they weren't allowed to." (i left a snarky note on my parent survey)

ahem, no, I can't remember which test was given on which day.

My gut tells me that Urban Kid 1 is fine. When we work together every day, she picks up the concepts and runs with them. But I'm a numbers-wound kind of person in my head, and I need to lose this nagging doubt, so I called these folks for help settling my internal dispute.

I told them what I've shared with you here, they're quite familiar with Saxon Math, and they have a nice, thorough diagnostic that will let me vicariously crawl into Urban Kid 1's brain and have a look around. (instrusive much, val?) They didn't even give me the hard sell about their pricey programs. U-Dad is ok with us spending the money because 1.) I promised that this would be the only test; that I won't go around looking for a test that tells me what I want to hear rather than what is true and 2.) he thinks it'll get him a reassured wife. And as we all know...

Urban WHO????

2011-03-14T00:08:00.001-05:00

Ok, ok, ok, it's been a while. I mean, is there a time limit here? Like after so many months, can you even really call yourself a blogger anymore?

Time to get back at it.

It's late... I'm staying up in order to register the Urban Kids for the next round of Piano classes. Y'see, there are only five kids per class, and I NEED them to be back-to-back. And I want a certain couple of teachers. And a certain day. So I stay up so that when registration starts on March 14th, I'm right-there-at-12:01am.

So a few CliffNotes:

Pink Power Ranger lost the pregnancy. It was gruesome and painful and dramatic and awful and made Best Namma Ever cry (hatehatehatethat). But they've given it another go, and are about eight weeks along again and due in October. Frankly, PPR is hoping for 11/11/11 for a birthday. Because of having to publicly go through all of the pain of the miscarriage, she's not telling any of her colleagues or superiors until she's at 12 weeks. This is making her husband a bit crazy, as having a cop-wife is already worrisome for him. Having a pregnant cop-wife who is still on the road may age him a few years. For those of you who also know me on Facebook....shhhhhhhh. Not public info yet.

Urban Kid 2 turned four. This has been the preschooler version of turning 21. She can do all sorts of things now... take Big Kid Piano class, go into the computer room at the gym, transfer up to a booster seat. Yep, she proudly reminds us, "But I can help... I'm a Big Kid now!" Right now, she's in Level I swimming, but all she talks about is getting to Junior Swim Team like her sister. However, she needs to get through Levels II and III first. But yep, that kid is out of the gate!

We had a bit of snowfall here in Chicago this winter.

Oh, and my in-laws are pretty much insane. Certifiably so (not kidding on that!). Well, two of them. The rest are really quite nice. And they don't talk to the crazy two. Urban Dad is involved in a bit of a legal thang with Crazy and Crazier, but we hope to be resolved soon. And then we'll change our telephone number.

Ok, the flipping website for registering for piano is not letting me in. Getting the "only continuing students may register." HELLO???? WHAT HAVE WE BEEN FOR THE LAST EIGHT MONTHS??? This happened last time too. So much for, "We'll let our tech guys know." *sigh* Two seats already gone for U-Kid 1's class.

Such are my troubles.

More soon. Thanks for letting me warm up a bit tonight!

My, That Pendulum Can Swing Both Ways

2010-09-14T21:56:00.000-05:00

After yesterday's Raving Lunatic Mom rant, I am overjoyed to report that the Behavior Pendulum has come back my way.

Today, Urban Kid 2 was beeeeyond excited to help me put together dinner. We did it this afternoon, -- one of those Campbell's Cream of Whatever-chicken-noodle-veggie casserole things -- covered it in foil and stashed it in the fridge, all the while with her beaming with pride and feeling ever so grown up beyond her sweet 3 1/2 years.

Later came (insert dum-dum-dum-ddduuuuuuuuuuuuummmmm music here)..... The Dental Appointment. I reminded her repeatedly of how yesterday's Doctor Awesome appointment went, of how the rest of Urban Kid 2's day went as a result of it, of how she was going to tell Urban Dad how her day went today, etc.

And at The Dental Appointment, after a skittish start in the waiting room, she was all Love And Sunshine. I had to lay in the chair with her as something of an extra layer for her to stretch out on, but she opened as wide as she could and all but thrust her face up at the doctor. She cheerfully and politely answered the dentist's questions. Finally, I told the hygienist that she could have Urban Dad's next paycheck if she managed to both clean Urban Kid 2's teeth and get the fluoride treatment done.

Urban Kid 2 obediently kept that mouth open, occasionally clutching my hand along the way. And no, I'm still not sure about how I'm going to explain things to Urban Dad.....

Six months ago, the dentist barely got the quickest of glances into Urban Kid 2's mouth, acknowledged that we could forget about even trying for a cleaning and didn't even bother charging for the appointment.

Perhaps the dentist will come with me to the next pediatrician appointment? If she's especially brave, perhaps the grocery store even?

PS: Pink Power Ranger is preggers -- due in early May! Best Namma Ever! is going to be a Namma again!

Mother of the Flippin' Year

2010-09-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

Today, I was that mom. You know the one I'm talking about. The one publicly upset with her seemingly impossible children. The one that makes people snicker thoughts about how it's no wonder that the kids are like that, given the crazy woman who is their mother.

Yeah, today I was that mom.

Urban Kid 1 turned seven (SEVEN!!????) on Friday. And so, she had a pediatrician appointment today in order to clarify that, indeed, she continues to be the picture of health and beauty.

Here's the thing about Urban Kid 1: however she may be in private, she's always "on" in public. She can be counted on to be polite, upbeat and interested in what's being said.

Urban Kid 2 is the Wild Card. Especially if Urban Kid 1 is doing her spotlight thing.

So today, the (late) doctor (finally) comes into the exam room. I like this doctor. I've thought the world of this woman from the moment she took my cranky three-day-old Urban Kid 1 from my exhausted, exasperated arms and swayed her into a long, peaceful nap while asking me questions and offering suggestions in a way that stayed on this side of gentle without crossing into that side of condescending.

And there she was, Doctor Awesome, chatting away with Urban Kid 1.

You can fill in the blanks on Urban Kid 2's reaction???? She kicked and fussed and refused to be still. She yelped and pouted and said, "NO! I WON'T be quiet!," making my efforts to quell her seem, well....., impotent. And Doctor Awesome took the lead and warned her that she needed to quiet down because Doctor Awesome could not hear to do her exam of Urban Kid 1. And Urban Kid 2 continued to pout and kick, nearly kicking Doctor Awesome, who was crouched down to chat with and look at Urban Kid 1.

And then it happened.

Doctor Awesome's voice took a stern tone that I'd never heard before and told Urban Kid 2 that she had to go into the hallway, now.

And I gratefully took the opening in the situation that Doctor Awesome offered, scooped up Urban Kid 2 and sat her down in a timeout outside of the exam room's closed door. I gave her an earful, too. And yeah, I was hoping that Doctor Awesome was hearing some of my diatribe.

Finally, Doctor Awesome asked me to come back in for the rest of the exam, since a parent needs to be in there for certain parts of it. And Urban Kid 2 had cooled her jets a bit.

Later, as I was checking out at the receptionist's desk, Urban Kid 2 asked if she could have a sticker. I bent down low to her, nose-to-nose and said in a nearly murderous voice, "did Doctor Awesome have to boot you out of the exam room because you couldn't behave? Yes? The no, you may not have a sticker." I then stood up to face the receptionist, smiled pleasantly and sweetly said, "I'm sorry, how much do I owe you?" God bless her, she gave me a genuine smile and said, "Don't worry about it -- I have two of my own at home!"

From there, it was off to the grocery store, where both kids turned on each other and on me like little cats. It was on the cart, off the cart, she's on my side of the cart, you're too big to ride on the cart anyway, stop whining at your sister, quit tattling on your sister, do not run out of this aisle, etc etc.

At last, I became that mom. The one that you can hear in the next aisle chewing out her ferrel children. The one who stares at them for a beat as they stare back, takes her hands off the cart, says "forget it, we're not getting food today; you two can tell daddy why" and walks away from the cart and them.

Yeah, that was me. A shining moment.

But my Urban Kids were smart enough to have an "oh sh*t, what if she's serious" moment and chase me down the aisle, pleading to go back to shopping. Heck, maybe they were just too clear on how very little food we actually had at home!

I don't know what Urban Dad did when he (finally) got home, but he knew the story coming in the door. And the next thing I knew, a sobbing and repentant Urban Kid 2 was in the kitchen sniffling about how sorry she was and how she loved me and how she promises to be better tomorrow.

Me too, Urban Kids. Me too.

Another Summer Day

2010-08-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

Urban Dad & I had slightly different mornings. Feel free to vote for the one you would prefer:

ME:
1.) Get ready to go, wait for a few extra minutes as Urban Kid 1 frantically yells, "WAAAIITTTT!" because she wants to go with. (such a chicago phrase that i've fully adopted... "go with." next i'll be hitting my a's super-haaaaard and putting an "s" at the end of things; e.g. "nordstroms")

2.) Roll eyes slightly as Urban Kid 1 comes out dressed for the prom. Who am I kidding? I'm just jealous that she can dress herself better at 6yo than I can at 40yo.

3.) Walk to dry cleaners. Drop off the three dresses that the Urban Kids insist on wearing every waking minute of every single day that we are not out on the playground.

4.) Walk to Ulta.

I'm sick of wearing Warmth even though Warmth (snickering tone here) is supposed to look so amazing on everyone. Everyone except me. So I rub Warmth (snickering tone whenever I say the word) on the back of one hand and Faux Tan on the back of the other. Ask Urban Kid 1 which one she likes better. "Faux Tan, Mom. It doesn't have as much red in it." Just tosses off the observation -- a fully correct one -- and looks at something else. I decide to buy Faux Tan and give Warmth (guess my tone?) to Best Namma Ever! because she's one of the everyone-but-me that it looks amazing on.

5.) Check out at Ulta. Manager-type asks, "Where's the little one?" I smile and explain that she's at home with Urban Dad, that we're going to take a break from bringing her into Ulta for a while. (between you and me, it's impossible to look at anything, what with the shortest Urban thinking that the sample bar eyeshadows are fingerpaints and then launching her sunglasses when told they are not) The manager-type smiles and looks sympathetic, which I consider pretty kind.

6.) Walk to library. Hang out for a looooooong time because it's nice and cool. Watch with pride as Urban Kid 1 takes book after book, reads them to herself, go gets a few more books, reads them to herself. Hmmmmm.... who do ya suppose taught her to read?

7.) Watch as Urban Kid 1 takes her library card out of her purse -- the only thing in her purse -- and checks out a pile of books, beaming with pride because she has her very own library card in her very own purse.

8.) Walk past local school playground on our way home, lugging a bag full of books and hearing her complain (correctly) that it is entirely too hot. See her friend S. there, who she hasn't seen all summer long. It doesn't seem so hot all of a sudden.

9.) Feel bad for her when she goes down a slide, but her dress goes up enough that her bare skin skids really fast on the searing hot plastic. Perhaps dressing for the prom wasn't such a good idea. S. has to go to karate, so U-Kid 1 decides she wants to go put an ice-pack on her tush. Urban Dad calls her SkiddyTush once or twice, which makes her giggle.

URBAN DAD
Phone Call #1: From his mom. She's mad because Urban Dad put the ka-bosh on her 11yo standard chocolate poodle coming to live with her in the small, immaculate, luxurious, smell-free home. Says that he's betrayed her, that it's as if he's taken away one of her children, that he's a bad bad man.

Phone Call #2: From the Salvation Army rehab place where BIL #1 is now residing rather than go to jail (hey Lindsay Lohan! you're an amateur!!). It's a six-month program. BIL #1 has been there four days. SA-Dude says that BIL #1 is saying in group chit-chat that his mother is worth $10 billion and that he used to play for the NBA. Plants seed in U-Dad's head that BIL #1 may have burned out enough wires that SA may not be the place for him.

All of this said, the Blue Angels were practicing today for the Air Show and all four of us went for our almost-daily hit of Italian ice at the IcyBox. We walked the U-Kids over there, stopping several times to gawk at the F/A-18's roaring overhead while the girls cooed, "coooooool!" over and over. And there was a fresh batch of chocolate-chocolate-chip waiting for us when we got there.

And that's the kind of stuff that makes everything feel better, right?

She's Baaaaaack

2010-08-10T10:52:00.001-05:00

{Puff, puff, puff} Is this thing on? {tap, tap, tap} Anyone out there?

Y'know how you think that summer has finally come along? And that you're so excited to have a "manny" for the summer? And how that is going to open up bags and bags of time for you to ponder your little blog and do regular posts like you keep saying that you're going to do?

Yeah, I thought so, too. But as you can see, not so much, right?

Here are a few Cliff Notes of the summer so far. I'll try to fill in some details as the summer wraps up.

1.) We did the annual Urban Family Road Trip. The trip included couch-surfing at Best Namma Ever!'s house in St. Louis, inviting all kinds of people over on the 4th to watch Urban Dad blow up BNE!'s front yard (that man looooves July 4th),

saw a movie or two, took advantage of free child care, got Urban Kid 2's half-birthday pictures taken (her birthday is December 31, so it's silly to do it then -- she just looks like the Christmas card all over again), etc etc.

2.) We hit to road to Albuquerque, where Urban Dad's dad and stepmom live.

We had a lovely visit with them and even had a just-the-two-of-us day trip to Santa Fe while the Urban Kids got some hang time with Grandpa and Grandma.

breakfast in santa fe

Now, the last time Urban Dad & I had a just-the-two-of-us day trip to Santa Fe, we came back with Urban Kid 2. I don't see that quite happening again, but if you ever wonder what that turquoise ring is on my right hand, well, Urban Dad gave that to me the next year so we can look at it and giggle (and ironically enough, it's Urban Kid 2's birthstone).

3.) We went on to San Diego, the Big Goal of the road trip. I had never been, and I loved San Diego, traffic and all. We threw the Urban Kids into the Pacific Ocean, their first time in any ocean, and they absolutely loved it. We also did Sea World, which was lots of good fun. Then another day in the ocean. We may fly back out there some time and just hang on the beach for several days. It looks like the Urban Kids would dig a beach vacation.

4.) We did a quick toodle up to northern CA, zipped across the Golden Gate Bridge and quickly bailed out of SanFran. Keep in mind that we are Chicagoans, we live near Wrigley Field, we know traffic, but the traffic in SanFran freaked out even our hardy souls. Yep, SanFran is its own animal. We'll tackle that one separately in a future trip.

5.) We headed to Colorado to check in on other in-laws and to meet folks that we've spent hours and hours (esp Urban Dad) with on the phone for the last several months, namely MIL's doctor and the CPA that is her Financial Power of Attorney.

***** side note: did i mention that MIL was diagnosed with degenerative dementia and that BIL #2 found her a lovely place in Boulder in which to reside and that U-Dad is Medical Power of Attorney and that BIL #1 is a drunken, freeloading, wife-beating loser who was refusing to leave MIL's residence in Swanky Resort Town, CO and that U-Dad and Financial Power of Attorney need to put MIL's residence up for sale??? ******

6.) We went to Swanky Resort Town, where Urban Dad had his drunken, freeloading, wife-beating loser brother arrested and thrown into jail -- where he'd just gotten out a few weeks prior, mind you. He and Financial Power of Attorney then started assessing just what needed to be done to repair an otherwise reasonably nice place that had been turned into something resembling public housing (a sight...and smell...that I won't soon forget). He and FPofA also started plans to start packing BIL #1's and his always-leaving-and-returning wife's stuff and getting it shipped the hell out of there.

7.) More details on #'s 5 & 6 to come later

8.) Listened to U-Dad lose.his.mind on always-leaving-and-returning SIL when she had the nerve to call him and ask why Urban Dad was being so "mean." The Urban Kids may have learned a few new words.

9.) Headed to Boulder to see MIL's new place. Urban Dad & I plan to save our money carefully so that we can end up in someplace as lovely! BIL #2 did a truly wonderful job of finding a place for their mom.

10.) Dinner in Boulder with MIL, BIL #2, his Groovy Kids and our Urban Kids. Ate Chinese food on the deck and watched the kids jump and play on the trampoline while ignoring the elephant in the room that was "your son put your other son in jail." The eldest Groovy Kid -- a boy who has worked my last nerve since his toddlerhood -- impressed me with his attention, kindness and patience that he showed Urban Kid 2. Maybe he and I are both growing up a bit.

11.) Back to St. Louis and to the ever-loving arms of BNE!. The Urban Kids then stayed at Grandma Camp for a few extra days while Urban Dad and I returned to Chicago to get our wits about us.

So how's your summer been?

2010-06-18T11:28:00.000-05:00

It's the last day of school in Chicago! Urban Dad is ALL OURS!

Now gitchyerself home, Urban Dad! Let's get this summer started!

Memorial Day Weekend In My Corner Of Chi-Town

2010-05-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

It's Memorial Day Weekend, and things are looking up.

Ok, so the Cubs are in town. And it's four straight days of afternoon games to add to the weekend traffic (honestly, what is it about a beautiful weekend afternoon that makes people want to get into their cars and drive around Lakeview and Lincoln Park?). And the fact that it's the Cubs-Cardinals series adds to the mayhem.

But....

I scored my favorite parking spot. It's right across the street and between two driveways, hence none of the unwashed masses of other cars can park either in front of or behind my precious freedom machine. This is especially satisfying since we will do everything in our power to not move the car during this busy weekend. Yep, I get to enjoy seeing my car actually directly across the street from my home, with no other cars around it for at least three straight days. (those of you familiar with city living will understand my joy about this)

It's actually nice this weekend! Usually, Chicago weather does not understand the concept of Memorial Day Weekend. It prefers to stick to the concept of Halloween weather. Or St. Patrick's Day weather. It takes until about July 4th for Chicago to fully embrace Memorial Day weather. But not this weekend -- this is going to be an outstandingly gorgeous weekend!

Having grown up in St. Louis -- a fantastic baseball town, especially coming of age in the 80's like I did -- plus that all of my family is still there, well, I take special satisfaction in the fact that my Redbirds opened up a good ol' fashioned can o' whoop-ass today on those pitiful Cubs. I may be 300 miles from home, but I'm seeing a lot of ~~drunken~~ festive Cardinal fans around the 'hood this weekend, and let's face it -- Cardinal fans are happier people in general because, well, they have reason to be!

It's Urban Dad's 52nd birthday tomorrow. And let's just say that he copes with birthdays far better than yours-truly does.

We're down to just Writing, Grammar and History to wrap up for school. And Urban Kid 1 is enthusiastic about going you-know-what's-out with me in order to finish things up. (i think i have a better handle on scheduling/planning now, but that's another post)

My sister, the Pink Power Ranger, is now an honest woman! Well, at least I think she is. I haven't exactly heard from anyone yet! But she and her man (i still need a nickname for him) took their moms on an Alaskan cruise and got married on Tuesday. Yes, they took their moms on their honeymoon! Aren't they sweet kids? That said, they made sure that their room was on the other end of the boat, 'cause, well, (whispering) they want babies right away.

And BIL #1 hasn't called once tonight. (knocking on the wooden desk under my keyboard) Perhaps having spent a few days "indisposed," legally speaking and at taxpayer expense has helped? He's now forbidden to indulge in the Demon Alcohol for a while, and has people popping by for social visits that involve one of those cups manufactured for a certain specific medical purpose. This, has slowed down the drunken-dialing, perhaps? It won't last, of course, but let's all just take in the quiet while we can, shall we?

Yep, looking like a great weekend!

Many thanks to everyone in our military, past, present and future, that make weekends like this possible!!! We Urbans, truly and with all our hearts, are grateful beyond measure!

I Swear I'm Gonna Grab The Next Soldier I See And Kiss Him!

2010-05-22T13:39:00.002-05:00

On the cheek, of course, although I think that Urban Dad would give me a pass on this one. But you get what I mean. I can't figure out how embed the video properly, so just click on the linkety-link here. You may want to have a hanky nearby. Thanks Outlaw13 at Threedonia.com! For the video and everything else that you do!

Eyeblast.tv

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Random Thoughts To Catch Up

2010-05-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

Oh my, but we've been busy here!

First, and most importantly: Urban Kid 1 finished her reading primer!

I started this with her a few months after she turned three and just worked through bit by bit, a nibble at a time. She's now blowing us away with her reading skills. Urban Dad is sweet and wonderful and says that I'm a fantastic teacher. But honestly, I know what I'm working with here, and I attribute it to two things: 1.) she has her father's wiring and 2.) it's a totally bitchin' reading primer!

D'ya suppose I should write the lovely Mrs. Jessie Wise and tell her that her OPG book is "totally bitchin'?" I would, of course, mean it as only the highest possible praise!

Ok, what else......

MIL has been hospitalized for the foreseeable future with dementia. New Doctor is trying to gently suggest that it's degenerative, that this is just the beginning of the end. Everyone else is maintaining an appropriate "wait-and-see" attitude. Urban Dad is the go-to guy on several things, as he is now Medical Power of Attorney. MIL's lawyer is Financial Power of Attorney. Between the two of them, they've managed to carve BIL#1 out of the financial picture as much as possible -- checking account is on lockdown except for MIL's bookkeeper, credit cards are cancelled, mail is forwarded, etc. And BIL #1 made a great big freak of himself at MIL's care facility, so they've banned his presence, both in person and over the phone. And they're sharp enough to know that the guy claiming to be Urban Dad as he tries to call his mom 6x/day is not actually Urban Dad.

After the week that led to MIL's hospitalization, the phone calls, legalities, questions, details, and finally, the running out of our 500 monthly cell minutes (we never come even close to that before!), I quietly told Urban Dad one night, "y'know what? I'm proud of how you've handled everyone and everything. You've been absolutely amazing though all of this." This got me a look in the eyes and the response, "You know that this ride is only getting started, right? That this is only the beginning of a long, crazy time, right?" I know he's right, but it's what you get when the world at large recognizes you as the 180-degree polar opposite of your lunatic brother who attempts to jack-up every single movement that the normal, hard-working people around MI try to do. (yeah, it was a long sentence. i waved my hands around and yelled a lot in my head while writing it, too!)

And BTW, Urban Dad has been right. Oh-so-freakin'-freak-show-right.

Urban Kid 2 is starting to read. And she's reading her first sentences. And she wants to do it. And wow, she is SO freakin' proud of herself. Care to guess what she's using?

After months of pleading, Urban Kid 1 "taught" Urban Dad's AP Juniors on Tuesday. I forgot my camera and am waiting anxiously for s smattering of 17-yo's to e-mail me pictures. But it's Wednesday night, and still nothing..... But OMG, that kid was confident and brave and had so much fun. Checking this off under "Public Speaking" at the Urban CDA.

Oh, and I bought a wireless router! Then I returned it. Stupid weak router that's strong enough to cover Best Namma Ever!'s entire ranch-style house, but is not strong enough to get a signal out of the concrete bunker that our downstairs level seems to be. I'm at the gym right now on my little netbook friend, but will soon be back on BestBuy.com figuring out just how much I want to spend on a router. Luckily, Urban Dad has a birthday approaching. And while he has never actually touched the netbook, he has kindly suggested that he would like a router for his birthday. Is he the sweetest thing ever???

Ok, gotta run. ~~I think the Urban Kids are asleep at home by now, so it's safe to return home!~~ That's the news for now!

Puttin' The "Fun" in Dysfunctional

2010-05-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

I won't go toooooo far into the details, but here are the Cliff Notes.

Urban Dad is not one to let anyone lord false loyalties over him. His family is utterly bizarre, with major events that have echoed for generations.

Couple that with moving as often as any military brat (e.g.: three high schools in four years), and you can start to understand that he's able to chat easily with strangers, but is immensely private all at the same time. He seems to have found a healthy disconnection from the madness -- and I swear he did it at the uncanny age of about ten years old.

I used to hesitate to tell him the weirdnesses of my family, but he always reassured me with, "what are you going to do? SHOCK me??" And then I think of the long, multi-generational craziness and come to the conclusion that my side of the family is now at the point where we can best be described as putting the FUN in dysFUNctional.

But not his. In fact, I joke that U-Dad is like the blonde gal in The Munsters... the only normal one of a really freaky bunch.

Recently, BIL#1 has been caring for MIL. It's too long to ever get into here, and not exactly appropriate to air too much stuff, but let's just say that the two of them have been running their own private insane asylum up in the mountains of Colorado.

Even more recently, a doctor has come on the scene. Doctors have been on the scene before, but usually get fed up and leave. This one is new, so we'll see how long he lasts. But he seems quite nice. He also seems to know bullsh*t when he sees it, and he's even managed to remove MIL from BIL#1's care and into a professional care facility. And he seems to want to get a holistic view of his patient (MIL), to understand her history and the people around her.

I would also bet the rent check that after the short time that he's been involved on this scene, that he is no longer taking BIL#1's phone calls. But that's ok. Neither is anyone else, really.

Anywhoooo, I've been having the occasional chat with New Doctor. Urban Dad can't be reached until after 3p, especially to discuss anything personal, so I get an idea of the latest news while maintaining my own radio silence with BIL#1 and MIL. U-Dad then has an idea of what's coming when he talks to New Doctor or if he needs to place any calls to MIL's lawyer or bookkeeper, etc before returning ND's call.

Well, ND has dealt with a lot of families before this one. And he did much of his training in Las Vegas, including psychiatric care.

And he told me -- in the kindest way possible -- that he has never in his career seen a more dysfunctional family.

Later that night, when it was just U-Dad and me, we brought that up. And y'know why I love U-Dad? 'Cause he didn't deny it or get defensive. He just gave a small smile and confessed, "y'know, i'm maybe a bit proud of that one." I laughed and said something about, "in for a pint, in for a pound?" This then had him laughing and saying, "go big or go home!" Peals of stress-relieving laughter soon followed.

He's also decided that the dysfunction stops here. The Urban Kids' exposure to his family is kept to a bare minimum. Sense of humor and smart. Such an amazing combination, right?

Are These People Crazy? Part II

2010-04-25T22:31:00.000-05:00

First... ok, seriously, I know, we need a wireless router around here. I have my fun little netbook friend, but can't get on-line at home with it. And when I blog, I also like to make a few rounds and see other blogs. And that takes for-ev-ah. And there's a wonderful man upstairs hanging out alone in my living room. He looks familiar, like I may know him or something. I need a wireless router so that I can be in both my cyber- and real-life worlds at the same time. Working on that......

In the meantime, we made a decision. I went to the Open House for new families accepted into Are You Good Enough For My Little Girl? Elementary School. I pored over every.single.line of the school's curriculum, which they kindly posted on-line. I listened to the principal explain that they will have the same budget struggles, student-teacher ratio issues and having to scrap for funding as the rest of the system. I did the school tour, looked carefully at each and every bulletin board in the hallways and the classrooms, peered over a few small shoulders doing their work and took four pages of copious notes and shared every word of them with a forever-patient Urban Dad.

And while I found it to be a lovely little school, my heart just wasn't into the idea.

Another factor was my intimidation about teaching science and technology (future posts about this to come, i'm sure). At AYGEFMLG? Elementary, the 5th and 6th graders were preparing to go to the U of I in Urbana-Champaign for a Science Fair. They had built nifty contraptions that were shooting tennis balls down the hallway. And I knew that they were over my head.

And I wondered what was wrong with me that I still wasn't more excited about the idea of this school.

But God provides, right? I recently met another Classical homeschool mom -- turns out that our daughters are in soccer together and became fast friends. And I was so excited when this mom carefully asked me one day, "Ummm, is my daughter right? Do you homeschool? 'Cause we do, too...." Anywhoooo, this lovely lady is all tapped into the underground of urban homeschoolers. (And durned if private little me may need to start networking a bit as the Urban Kids get older.) She was so wonderfully interested in our decision-making process and so fantastically reassuring of the array of resources out there, that there is no need to re-invent any wheels here.

I flipped carefully through the pages covering science of The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise.

Oh, and my attempts to subtly ask Urban Kid 1 what her thoughts were about school.... what have been her favorite and least favorite things this year... does she wonder about going to "real" school..... was met with her finally shouting, "MOM! WHY do you keep asking me this? I do NOT want to go to school!"

Oh. Um. Ok. Hey! Don't shout at your mother, young lady!

And then the kicker:

Urban Dad contacted the former principal of Great Big Urban High School (not the current one, who couldn't offer us much insight of any kind). He gave us his impression of AYGEFMLG? Elementary -- that they're rather snooty, but it's earned, so whatever. And he was enthusiastic about homeschooling. In fact, about 15 years ago, there was a group of homeschooled 8th-graders applying for CPS's selective enrollment high schools. Those In Charge were all britches-in-a-bunch because there were -- imagine this -- no test scores! They hadn't been tested! (imagine me pretending to wring hands here) This former colleague of ours stood up and said, "I'll solve this problem. GBUHS will take them all." And he did. In addition, our former principal is now officially retired from CPS, but returns to various schools as a consultant for this-or-that. After a long and successful career with CPS, including being principal of one of the largest high schools in America, his final thought on the whole topic? "I don't know Urban Dad, what can I tell you? The longer you can keep your kids out of the system, the better off they'll be."

It cemented in my head what I already knew in my heart. I was done with the process, signed the rejection form and mailed it the next day.

Oh, and one more thing. I downloaded all of that curriculum from AYGEFMLG? Elementary's website. Thank you, AYGEFMLG? Elementary!

(LP, if you're reading, you know how i feel about the work that you, your husband and several others at GBUHS are doing!)

Pros & Cons. AKA: Are These People Crazy?

2010-03-31T18:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we're nutters for not leaping straight into the mix, right? For not filling out the acceptance form rightthisverysecond and mailing it back to CPS HQ, right?

Probably. (*shrug*)

But here are the beginnings of our conversations about Are You Good Enough For My Little Girl? Elementary:

LOCATION:
AYGEFMLG?E is about a 30-minute drive. One-way. Every.single.flipping.freezing.morning. It's a public school, so we'd score a school bus ride. And maybe a school bus ride for her won't have the same nightmarish experiences that it does for so many because AYGEFMLG?E is a very small school with kids that come from all ~~over creation~~ corners of Chicago. But still.........

Or there's {Urban} Country Day Academy. Very short commute. All the way downstairs. Or back upstairs for piano practice. Or to the kitchen to look at our caterpillars. Or outside to plant some seeds. Or perhaps to the library. On really adventurous days, it's a commute downtown to the Shedd Aquarium or Field Museum, what-have-you.

Score one for {U}CDA.

FLEXIBILITY:
AYGEFMLG?E -- now we'd have two people in the house working around CPS's calendar. And we'd have to do more of our adventures around town when the unwashed masses are also doing them. Ew.

{U}CDA: Right now we have three busy school days at home, one lighter day due to an oddly scheduled art class, and a busy day of three activities jammed into one day -- so light on pencil/paper academics that day. Cabin Fever? Time to go on a field trip. Tired of Everything? Time to go to do a few errands and find a playground on the way home. Tired of Everyone? Time for Grandma Camp, if she's available.

Score two for {U}CDA.

More soon.

Testing... testing...

2010-03-30T21:45:00.000-05:00

Yep, testing. It seemed like a good idea at the time!

Ummmm, Val.... what are you talking about?

Here's what I'm talking about.

In general, Chicago Public Schools are -- what's the word I want here? -- lacking. But there are pockets of good things happening. If your kid is reasonably bright and your neighborhood school is goofy (like ours) or just plain a combat zone, there are a few options.

You can take your munchkin to be tested for the Gifted and Academic Enhancement Program schools (aka: GEAP). The test is free, paid by our tax dollars, and administered at the Illinois Institute of Technology by people who make a living designing, administering and assessing these tests for national use. All you have to do as a Chicago resident is fill out the application, list the schools you like (as many as six) and wait for your letter telling you your test times. And did I mention that it's free?

I took Urban Kid 1 last year to for the Kindergarten test. Just for grins, I put down the #1 and #2 schools in Chicago, which also happen to be the #1 and #2 schools in Illinois. She had a lovely one-on-one chat with a trained test-giver-chick, came back 20 minutes later, and we waited for our results.

She scored in the 99.7th percentile. Nationally. She also did not get into either school, but whatevsky. Our eyeroll, their loss, and they weren't going to get her anyway.

FF to last winter. For first grade, there are two tests, depending on what kind of school you want (gifted or classical). So I applied her to both kinds of schools and waited for our test dates. Did I mention that both schools were once again the #1 and #2 schools? Plus I threw a seemingly-snazzy school near U-Dad's place of employment into the mix too. What the hell, why not? And I did it laughing at myself because after last year's scores and rejection, what the hell did I actually expect, right? And we're happy with our set-up here -- this is just us using the resources provided to us by our tax dollars.

The results arrived on Friday.

On the Gifted Test --call it sort of an IQ-ish, right-brain-ish sort of test -- she scored in the 94th percentile. Yowza! Neat!

On the Classical Test -- focused on math and reading -- she scored in the 99th percentile on reading and the 97th percentile on math.

Nationally.

Oh, and she was accepted into the #1 elementary school in the state of Illinois.

I threw the Urban Kids into the car and drove straight to Great Big Urban High School, where we waited patiently for his 8th period class to end. I then told U-Dad, "put on your glasses now; you need to see this." He looked at the letter carefully and got quiet... "oh great, she did beautifully, that's excitingohwowthat's interesting..."

More in the next few posts of our decision-making process, but rest assured that I have pored over every single line of every single page of Are You Good Enough For My Little Girl? Elementary's website. And that's just for starters.

Check back soon.

Stick A Fork In It!

2010-03-23T10:10:00.000-05:00

And................ DONE!

Planning to celebrate with a trip to the nail salon for Urban Kid 1. Because that apple didn't fall far from the tree.

The Lunchbox Lure Works! (today, anyway)

2010-03-21T11:24:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for listening last week to my emotional hurlage!

When I picked up Urban Kid 1 from art class -- all bundled up and waiting forlornly in the waiting area while the rest of her class asked, "where's she going?" -- she quietly got into the car. In fact, she was pretty quiet the rest of the day. I almost started to feel bad for her, especially when I told Urban Dad my solution. His response was to do a quick suck of air through his front teeth and say, "wow, I mean, that's pretty harsh, isn't it?" When I launched at him with demands for his ideas to the problem, he quickly backed off, however.

This past Tuesday, Alien Urban Kid 1 did not appear. At the first sign of a possible visit from AUK1, all I had to say was, "am I packing you a lunch or not?" and whooooosh, AUK1 flew away and disappeared, leaving behind my lovely angel daughter. She was perfect the rest of the morning. She even asked, "how can I help, Mom?" a few times. I almost didn't wake up from my faint in time to get her to art class!

There's another hook I'm using too: a cute pink watering can from Target. (i looked for a picture to post, but i guess it's too small of an item) She begged and begged for it when we were there. I finally relented, but with a condition: she has to be good for one whole week. The coveted watering can is on top of the fridge, with the receipt plainly visible from its top opening. So far, her week of being good has started over... twice. But I think she'll get there.

Y'know how there are books about pregnancy? And about toddlerhood? I'm thinking that I may see if there's some sort of Special Forces publication about Pych-Ops. I may need it.

Keepin' It Real (as in Real Ticked Off)

2010-03-09T10:36:00.000-06:00

Some people hate Mondays. Not me. Around here, it's Tuesdays.

Here's the backstory: the owner of the place where Urban Kid 1 takes art class has a son who started 1/2-day Kindergarten this year. Her son and U-Kid 1 know each other and have had a playdate or two. And his 1/2-day of Kindergarted is in the afternoons.

Art Mom had a neat idea -- open an art class and offer it to the other families in her son's class. The class is one hour and 20 minutes long -- a one-hour art class, then 20 minutes of eating together out of their lunchboxes before being picked up and shuttled over to school.

Art Mom kindly invited Urban Kid 1 to join the class. U-Kid 1 LOVES this class. She loves art, she loves carrying her Hello Kitty lunchbox, loves getting the best end of belonging to a class of kids. (i take advantage of the time to do a grocery run with only one urban kid)

She's also a raging beeyotch on Tuesday mornings.

Why? I do not get it. I try to do just a little school because after I pick her up, I can't get her back to school mode. Oh, who am I kidding -- I can't get me back to school mode.

I tried pretending to "drop" her out of the class as punishment for a week. Art Mom was right there with me on the "gotta fix this now because it's only harder to fix later" idea and worked with me (all the while saying that U-Kid 1 behaved like the perfect angel while in class). Trouble is, the day that I was supposed to make my big show of her not getting to be in art class anymore was also the day that she was pretty much passed out on the living room floor recovering from the stomach flu. She was weak and puny and miserable and pitiful -- and clearly would not have been in art class either way.

So we've blown that strategy.

Today, I'm trying something new to treat her Tuesday Morning Drama Queen Snot-itis. She gets to go to art class -- we've paid for it through the end of the year, I'll be damned if I'm going to figure out any more make-ups for the class. But she does not get to stay for the 20 minutes of lunch. I'm not packing the Hello Kitty lunchbox. I'm picking her up after exactly one hour. She can put on her coat and go out to the car while her buddies sip on juiceboxes and munch on sandwiches.

I know that this is hard to believe after all of this, but she really is a sweet kid. But for some reason, on Tuesday mornings, some alien being comes to visit. Some whiny, disrespectful, dramatic little alien.

Thanks for listening. Typing it out on the blog is much less painful that bashing my forehead into the wall over and over.

On-Ramp To Spring

2010-03-03T21:49:00.000-06:00

Whew! February was a weird one around here! Wuh. Eerd. (yeah, i know, that kind of loses its effect with a one-syllable word, huh?)

Well, it was all a bit of a whirl. Or maybe swirl is the better word, if you get my drift.

It involved both Urban Kids getting strep, then yours truly, thus leaving Urban Dad as The Last Man Standing for a few days. Just when we thought we had that all cleared out, Urban Kid 1 scored the stomach flu for about 24 hours. Nipping on the heels of that was my 40th birthday. (I'm sorry, but that still feels strange to say) Best Namma Ever! and Pink Power Ranger came up to ~~see the kids~~ celebrate with me. We spent enjoyed a free day at the Art Institute, then they ~~babysat for free~~ spent some quality time with the U-Kids while U-Dad took me to Lawry's for dinner.

When we returned home from dinner, we learned that the U-Kids had pleaded to drive back to St. Louis with BNE! and PPR for a few days of Grandma Camp. (gee, ya don't suppose a week and a half of being cooped up sick gave them cabin fever too??) BNE! was open to the idea, plus the DealMaker -- meeting me in Bloomington-Normal (about 1/2-way between Chicago and St. Louis on I-55) in order to hand them back off the next Monday.

U-Dad and I spent the weekend ~~drunk and nekkid~~ doing errands, going out, sleeping in and generally relaxing. The next Monday, I retrieved the U-Kids in B-Normal from BNE! and Her Husband. I got the U-Kids home, did our usual evening mayhem and settled in to relax. Our Off-Kilter February was winding down. I was looking forward to getting back into our routine, getting back to our activities and studies.

Then, the phone rang.

It was PPR. At 10:20p. Her shift starts at 6a, so she's never awake at 10:20p, so I knew it was an "oh, sh*t" call. Turns out that our not-quite-99yo paternal grandmother had passed away that evening. (If you've been reading here for a while, you may recall Not The Best Namma Ever! from a previous post.)

I called BNE! to inform her of her former-MIL. PPR and her fiance (I'm sorry, but after all that the last few months have thrown at PPR, I can no longer call him a weenie boyfriend. He's turned out to be a stand-up guy) started their 45-minute drive to let our bio-dad know the news.

So one day to collect ourselves, and then we were right back on I-55 on Wednesday. Upside: the U-Kids were psyched to go back to Grandma Camp.

I skipped taking the U-Kids to the visitation and funeral. It was at least 30 minutes from BNE'!'s house, plus Not The BNE wanted to be buried next to her husband, who she lost in 1942, and who is buried two hours away from St. Louis. For those of you keeping track at home, that's two hours back. For a twenty-minute service. And visiting for a few hours with distant relatives that I have not seen since childhood, several of whom I simply do not remember. (upside: always good to see the my brothers-from-another-mother and their broods)

Just too long of a day for the U-Kids, especially for someone that -- sorry, but -- they didn't know all that well. Plus, U-Dad and I thought that we should both be there for their first funeral experience (he stayed in Chicago, and I was totally fine with it).

Can I just add that I came back to BNE!'s house to find that she had not only watched the U-Kids all day, but that she had also made my favorite dessert? All she would do is shrug and say, "I dunno, I just felt like it." BNE! rocks.

Then back to Chicago for the last day of February.

Care to guess how much school got done?

I'm ready for March.

Oh Joy

2010-02-17T06:00:00.001-06:00

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the back of my closet with a bottle of wine, a very long straw, a Botox brochure in one hand and a Spanx catalog in the other.

An Anniversary, Of Sorts

2010-02-08T07:02:00.010-06:00

Fifteen years ago today, I locked myself out of my cute fifth-floor studio apartment. There was no getting into Apartment 517. And the super wasn't home. Nor were any of the neighbors that I knew.

And who the hell had a cell phone back then?? Certainly not a low-level corporate peon.

The only neighbor that I knew of that was home was The Cute Guy Down The Hall In Apartment 507. I had chatted with him only briefly a few months earlier. Afterwards, I had thought, "He seems nice. And I need some new friends. I bet if he has a girlfriend that she would be really nice to know too."

I was beyond embarrassed to stand there in the hallway at his door, feeling idiotic about being locked out.

He opened the door to what he referred to later as a "gift from heaven dropped on my doorstep." Except that I was in gym clothes, in dire need of a shower after having just worked out at the corporate fitness center after an already-long day at the office. Ponytail, mascara to my chin, the whole nine.

The Cute Guy Down The Hall In Apartment 507 babysat me and chatted me up until the super came home.

The Rest, as they say, Is History.

Love you, Urban Dad!

(more of a post soon, but strep has come for an extended stay to the urban household -- u-dad is the only man standing the last several days)

Humor in Urban Mom's Family

2010-01-25T16:51:00.001-06:00

My cop sister, Pink Power Ranger, is great at practical jokes. She's also a great friend. Her practical jokes tend to be what one might call a "cost of doing business." Here's an example:

While we Urbans were in St. Louis at Best Namma Ever!'s house, PPR and her fiance (I haven't quite come up with a name for him yet... I am growing up and beginning to like him, hence weenie boyfriend is no longer an option) came over for pizza and chit-chat with us and some other friends. PPR came in and swooped directly back to BNE!'s bedroom, the last door on the left of the hallway. I happened to be coming out of BNE!'s room when I ran into PPR.

Me: You're late again.

PPR: HeywhichpurseisMom's?

Me: The muti-colored thing there. Why?

PPR: Standlookoutkay?

Me: Uh, ok, she's in the kitchen with everyone, why?

PPR: (coming out of the bedroom and into the hallway with me) I got one of those security tabs from a friend in inventory control, and it's activated. I buried it into the bottom of her purse, so when she walks in and out of any store, she'll set off the alarms!

Me & PPR: (uproarious laughter at the very thought)

A few days later, I needed to ~~get out of the house already~~ go to Mid-Rivers Mall to take care of some errands. I was going to take the two Urban Kids with me anyway, and so I could not resist:

Me: Hey BNE!, want to come with us and hang out a bit?

And so off we went.

With the exception of JC Penney, which we had to cut through in order to get to and from out car, BNE! proceeded to set off alarms everywhere. The first few times, it was "huh, that's weird." The next few times it was, "ok, what's the deal?"

At one point, I was with Urban Kid 1 at one of those giant bungee trampolie set-ups where they charge you a ridiculous $7 for three minutes of jumping for a kid who refuses to try a flip. But she loves it and can't easily do it at home, plus it acts as bribery for good behavior, so what the heck.

Anywhooooo, the overpriced bungee thing is set up right next to Macy's. BNE! had to go to the bathroom, so she magnanimously took UK-2 with her. I watched her go in and kept a straight face as the WOOP WOOP WOOP went off as she crossed Macy's threshold. I could tell that puzzlement was giving way to aggravation. This, of course, only made it funnier. (i know, i'm going straight to hell, aren't i???) I then watched as the pair came out a few minutes later. And you know what happened:

WOOP WOOP WOOP

BNE! was starting to figure out that it was something about her.

Oh hey, did I mention that whenever BNE! turned her back that I was frantically texting PPR?

After the overpriced bungee thing, we made our way to one of those little plastic indoor playgrounds where cabin-fevered small children can run off some adrenalin. As we settled in to watch the Urban Kids, I offered to go into the adjacent Border's and pick up a few hot beverages. My treat. (see, i am nice!) But BNE! -- God bless her wonderful heart -- said, "oh no, I'd like to go in anyway, so I'll pick up something for us while you watch the kids."

She is a gift, isn't she?

As she walked off, I immediately phoned PPR and told her all that was happening. Whoever may have seen PPR in her patrol car at that moment might have worried about the armed woman unable to breathe due to fits of laughter.

Of course, as we talked, BNE! finished browsing the sale books outside of the store and wandered inside.

WOOP WOOP WOOP

I thought PPR would wet herself.

From where I was sitting, I could watch the Urban Kids and the entrance to Borders, so I waited in blissful anticipation, still chatting with PPR.

PPR: I can't believe I'm missing this! It was MY joke!

As BNE! came back out, two lovely hot drinks with her, once again came WOOP WOOP WOOP.

Aggravation gave way to exasperation. I hurriedly ditched PPR.

BNE!: That's IT. No more! I am not going into one more store today! This is just crazy!

May I just say that I deserve an Academy Award for Best Actress for my ability to look genuinely puzzled? For my ability to look genuinely weirded out? For my ability to ask if perhaps there was a problem that she wanted to share with me... with a completely straight face?

By the way, PPR only 'fessed up a few days ago. Her fiance made her. (to their credit, both Urban Dad and PPR's fiance were absolutely appalled at us)

Oh, and BNE! was not stopped at all by any kind of security during all of this. Not once!

Cyber-Psycho

2010-01-22T15:17:00.000-06:00

(Hey JS, if you come across this post, please know that you are welcome here anytime!!!)

Ok, folks, once again, I have gone cyber-psycho.....

As many of you know, precious few people IRL know of my secret cyber-life. "Urban Mom" gets to go through life with slighly fewer social filters than "Valerie" has to. It's the fun of the blog. I mean, it's not like I blatantly try to be offensive or anything. I try to (mostly) be at least respectful. But I refer to people in the Urbans' lives as I see fit here. It's why I call Best Namma Ever!'s husband Her Husband. It's why I call my paternal grandmother Not The Best Namma Ever!. And whenever I tell someone IRL about this blog, I do it with the idea of "I have to see this person; do I have to adjust what and how I write to accomodate that?" Those people IRL are then sworn to keep my deep, dark secret. You folks out in cyber-space can tell anyone you like about the goofy mom from Chicago who essentially uses her computer to open her window and yell at whomever passes by.

So I was over on Facebook.......

FB leads you to believe that you can tinker with sublists within your list of friends. Keep in mind that my FB list is all of about 47 people, about 1/4 to 1/3 people that I have never even met IRL. And so I played with the sublist of ideas. For example, I don't figure that everyone I've ever met wants to hear my thoughts on politics, so I created a list called "Politics." I then did a "Comment if you can see this" post. Only a few actually responded, but they were on the list.

And you know what I did next.....

I created a "blog" list. Y'see, my FB friend Dy posts on FB whenever she does a new blog post. I thought that this was a very nifty idea! So I created my "blog" list -- people who do not include my immediate family or perhaps who are friends with folks who I may not want knowing my details -- and checked and double-checked it. I then did the "come see my new blog entry" post on FB.

Except......

a family remember responded that he was confused about how to find it.

and a nice fellow mom down the block from me sent me an e-mail -- a very lovely e-mail -- responding to my blog post. (again, JS, you're welcome to the party here!)

I immediately took down the FB post. I then kicked the blog into "private" mode as I pondered what to do next. I've had to think carefully about what I want to do with the Urban Mom blog. Go private permanently? Go back through my entries and figure out what to delete or alter? Keep going as I have been, but check statcounter.com carefully and more often?

I'm going with option #3.

For now.

Maybe few people had a chance to see the FB post. Maybe if they've tried the link and couldn't get in, they've gone on to the next thing in their lives. Maybe I can stop ridiculously overestimating my importance in anyone's life but my own.

So that's where I've been for a few days.

And know that if you're reading this right now, that I'm very likely flattered, grateful and giddy with joy that you find me worth your time and energy.

Unless, of course, I'm related to you.

MLK here at the CDA

2010-01-17T23:05:00.000-06:00

What to do with MLK Day here at the {Urban} Country Day Academy?

I have to be honest with you... we're not tackling it this year.

Lest you be aghast at my perceived insensitivity, allow me to explain: Urban Kid 1 lives in a neighborhood often referred to as "Boys' Town." She takes part in classes all over Chicago at various businesses, encountering kids from all walks of life. Her father teaches at Great Big Urban High School, which is known for being pretty much a living, breathing Bennetton ad. Without any intentional social engineering on our part, the Urban Kids have a pretty diverse population in their day-to-day experiences.

Today, as we Skyped with Best Namma Ever!, BNE! told us about how she was involved in committee at her church that would be getting together tomorrow with other folks of similar committees from other churches to commemorate the day. And Urban Kid 1 asked, "what's 'black' mean?" So BNE!, concerned that she had to correct herself, said, "oh, I mean African-American." UK1 still didn't get it.

I then went about naming people that we know who are African-American. And she started to understand, but not really. And it occurred to BNE! and me at that moment that she doesn't get the concept of race. At six years old, she's not seeing people's skin color. She doesn't peg people by how they look or where they live or where they go to school. As much as she can exasperate me some days, the fact is that she has such an open heart and soul for everybody that it is going to break my heart to explain some aspects of the world. We'll do it, of course. But not quite yet.

So tomorrow, we enjoy her innocence and naivete for the moment. We'll go about our regular day, unless we hear back from her buddy Maya's nanny. At that point, we'll drop everything and go do something fun (lest my homeschool miss a "socialization opportunity" -- aka: playdate).

In the meantime, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that her first instinct is love, and that she lives in a place and time where that's encouraged and welcomed.

I look forward confidently to the day when all who work for a living will be one with no thought to their separateness as Negroes, Jews, Italians or any other distinctions. This will be the day when we bring into full realization the American dream -- a dream yet unfulfilled... a dream of a land where men will not argue that the color of a man's skin determines the content of his character... Martin Luther King, Jr.

Out There On The Googly-Net

2010-01-11T10:53:00.000-06:00

I SHOULD do a real post. I HAVE things on my mind. IMPORTANT things. Ok, NOT so important things, but THINGS nonetheless that bang around inside my head. But do I sit down and type it out? NO. Instead, I goof around watching and doing THIS kind of stuff.

Enjoy.

BTW, have you ever Google'd yourself? Be honest now.......

More soon.

Urban Mom Strikes Again!

2010-01-01T14:23:00.001-06:00

A few days ago, we all piled into the car here at Best Namma Ever!'s house and toodled over to the local library. This is a fantastic library! It's all cushy and cozy. There are invitingly soft armchairs and ottomans scattered about, a fireplace and a psueo-cafe area where you can drop a few coins into a machine and get a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. The cafe has comfy booths if you don't want to sit at one of the tables with the Frank Lloyd Wright-looking chairs. We dropped Urban Dad in the cafe area to do some work (he always has work to do, poor thing) and took the Urban Kids into the Children's Section to see what we could tear up.

As I checked in on Urban Dad in the cafe later, I noticed a Suburban Dad sitting at a booth with his two young daughters, each of whom had their own cute little netbook. They also each had a cool little carrying case, which I've yet to procure for my own new little netbook friend. Now let me preface the rest of this by saying that his two young daughters were both older than Urban Kid 1. And Urban Kid 1 is six. And she's figured out the Santa thing already. I'm not judging or anything... I'm just saying that this is my humble micro-cosm...

So I ask Suburban Dad, "where did you get the cases for their netbooks? I just got one, but don't have a case for it yet."

Youngest Surburban Kid -- who is at least a couple of years older than Urban Kid 1 -- says brightly, "Santa brought them!"

Suburban Dad tells me without blinking an eye that they got them at American, which is where they got the computers. He is friendly throughout the whole chat as I explain that I saw only computer sleeves at Best Buy, but that I liked that his Suburban Kids' cases had two pockets for power cords, etc.

We end our chat on a friendly note, and as I walk away I cringe as I hear a disheartened and confused little voice inquire, "I thought you said that Santa brought them......"

Yes, my work here is done. On to create another awkward moment elsewhere.

Because you know I will. (*sigh*)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Urban Kid 2!

2009-12-31T14:20:00.000-06:00

Three years ago today, our youngest -- and last-minute -- tax deduction came into the world. And in a strange turn of events that I have yet to see in a shortie, Urban Kid 2 is denying that the day is happening! She began her day by rolling over on her stomach, shoving her head under her pillow and declaring, "it's not my birthday!" And all day long, she has denied the day. I have a "Today Is My Birthday" button that I let each Urban Kid parade around on their special day; Urban Kid 2 has tried several times to take it off. When we ask how old she is, she insists that she is still two.

Yes, my Urban Kid 2 is all girl. Denying that her birthday is happening and lying about her age!

Frankly, it's an approach that I'll likely copy at my next birthday.........

Happy New Year, Everyone!

PS: Sorry about the privacy thing. I had to hand over my new little Asus friend to my future BIL for an overnight visit. I became concerned about if he could see what websites I'd surfed. And siit'nce my little corner of the blogosphere here is my deep, dark secret, I had to take a small precaution. Hopefully, he did not also stumble across the "How To Make It Look Like An Accident" website that I was perusing. (Ok, really, I'm over-exaggerating terribly on that one.)

PPS: Uptown Girl, I love my new little Asus 1005! Try to get a six-cell battery, as it lasts almost as long as I'm on line. And indulge in upgrading it from 1GB to 2GB -- speeds things up and makes streaming video nice and clear.

Going Private For 24 Hours Only

2009-12-23T23:02:00.000-06:00

Hi All! I'm going private with the blog, but only for 24 hours. Will be back shortly and will openly available. If I don't catch you beforehand, Merry Christmas!

Checking In Before Checking Out

2009-12-21T17:39:00.000-06:00

Oh my GAWD, where have I been???

New Year's Resolution: Be a better blogger. Well, better about blogging. Whether I yammer on about anything all that interesting is clearly subjective.

Latest here: I have a new little friend. It's an Asus Eee PC 1005HA netbook. It was on sale at Best Buy. I scored it in a deep red with a 6-cell battery. I can now be one of those cool people I see in the lobby of my gym clicking away on their laptop. Or at the coffee shop. Or even in my living room. But you see, we don't have a wireless router, and I'm not all that interested in getting one. I figure I'll use my new little friend where there are secure networks. So while I click around at home, it's only on places that do not require a password. Shame. I can see something like 20 networks on my screen! But they're password-protected... the nerve of people, huh? I even saw one that said "REALTOR_NET," which it turns out is my real-estate landlord who lives above us. Did he pick up on my casual mention that I saw his network? That I only do password-related stuff when not at home? Did he offer his password to his favorite tenant ever? Hmph.

Also, we're packing up to head to Best Namma Ever!'s house for Christmas and probably New Year's. Urban Kid 2's birthday is 12-31, so we may stay to celebrate. Lord knows that no one else is going to consider hanging out with a toddler and her family to be a rockin' way to spend NYE! And it's nice at BNE!'s. We relax. We have built-in babysitters. We see movies. Sleep in a bit. It's all good.

The Urban Kids are overpacked. I'm overpacked. (can you tell we're driving) Urban Dad has packed up all sorts of schoolwork to take along (some things don't stop until June).

I hope to blog a bit more from Best Namma Ever!'s. SHE has a wireless router. And after Pink Power Ranger's computer geek fiance gets my new little friend all suped up (Windows 7 for free!) and installs the extra memory that I've ordered, then no one else will see that I have my deep, dark secret blog. Which is good, because I may or may not have referred to PPR's fiance as her "weenie boyfriend" in the past. (ahem) But more on my evolving feelings on that situation later.

But hopefully not too much later!

In the meantime, Merry Christmas, if that's your thing. And if it isn't your thing, well, I'm sharing the love anyway!

As Urban Kid 2 is saying lately, "Police Navidad!"

Another Good Reason That God Makes Kids Short

2009-12-02T22:48:00.000-06:00

We Urbans live a few short blocks from a neighborhood theater. (ok, it's Chicago... who doesn't live near a neighborhood theater, right?) I think Back In The Day it was a movie theater, but now it's used for live stuff. It seems to be well-attended too, which is great. It's always nice to have people come by and drop off their money in our neighborhood! And living in a neck of the woods that believes itself to be quite edgy... but in a cushier-than-Wicker-Park kind of way... the marquee can sometimes be interesting.

Now keep in mind that Urban Kid 1 is 6yo. And chatty. And full of questions that she is not afraid to ask. And if she thinks that you haven't heard her, she'll ask again and again and again because surely you are not ignoring her in the hopes of avoiding the topic or maybe completing one or two thoughts inside of your own head before checking back in.

Oh yeah, she's a damn good reader too (if I do say so myself...ahem...).

So recently, this theater had this show advertised in BLACK AND WHITE AND IN ALL-CAPS:

Now I'm not much of a prude. At least, I don't think I am. Maybe the guy at the coffee shop who sometimes goes by Paul and other times by Kathy depending on his wardrobe choice of the day might disagree, but really, I think I'm pretty hip to the goings-on in the world. And frankly, I think the title is pretty funny!

But how exactly does one explain that to a then-5yo?

So I'd distract her by pointing things out that were more at here eye level. Or, if it was equally (in)convenient, I'd go a slightly different route to get home. No big deal. We live here in the city; this can be part of the package. Becoming a busybody about it would make me a very lonely salmon swimming up a very strong river, anyway.

The show left, a few others have come and gone that would not attract questions that would involve me stammering a bit before finally saying, "ask Daddy to explain that one to you" -- things like Kathy Griffin or Mary Lynn Rajksub (or however you spell her name).

Now these doofuses are back. With the theater marquee loudly advertising it, because really, in the economy that we're in, who doesn't have money to plunk down to watch a couple of guys diddle themselves?

Yes, back. They've been here before. But it was before Urban Kid 1 could read, so no big deal.

I'm open to suggestions on how to explain it!

Potayto, Potahto

2009-11-29T17:54:00.000-06:00

Backstory: As we are unpacking from our trip to Best Namma Ever!'s house in St. Louis for the Thanksgiving holiday, Urban Dad is holding a pair of socks in his hand that he has just removed from his luggage. I am gathering things up to start a load of laundry.

Me: Dirty socks?

Him: What? (distracted, looking through his bag)

Me: Dirty socks?

Him: (looking at me and brightening) Uh.... Yeah! Sure!! Okay!!

I look puzzled at his enthusiasm and hold out my hand to gesture for the socks.

Him: Oh.... Dirty SOCKS. (looks disappointed and hands them over) I thought you said "dirty..." well, nevermind.....

We all hear what we want to hear, don't we?

A Lazy Excuse for a Post

2009-11-13T22:26:00.001-06:00

Yeah, it's not really a post today, but I love the new show Community. And at the end each week, Abed & Troy do some goofy antic in the library as the credits go by. I'm fond of this one because it's the kind of dumb-sh*t thing that I would get caught doing.....
(except to you, of course!)

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

THE Pink Power Ranger

2009-11-06T18:54:00.001-06:00

As you all may know, I refer to my police-officer little sister as Pink Power Ranger here on this blog.

Meet one of her sisters.

Kimberly Munley, the civilian police officer who shot the Fort Hood gunman, sustaining wounds of her own during the confrontation.

For June Cleaver A6P & Smook

2009-11-05T22:38:00.001-06:00

June Cleaver After A Six-Pack and Smook, the two people most responsible for corrupting my otherwise intelligent, mature, dismissive adult self....

Nature Calling

2009-11-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

The picture over there is the view from my bed. Ok, Urban Dad's side of the bed. Y'see, our Urban Apartment two-flat was built in the 1920's, so you can forget an ensuite bathroom. This is what serves the top floor. (we expanded a few years ago into the basement, but that's another post)

Now my point... because I usually get around to one...

Urban Kid 1 is now 6yo. Therefore, she is old enough now that we don't have to be concerned about her trips to the bathroom at night. She used to come to our doorway and whisper as loudly as one can while still whispering, "I have to go to the bathroom!" Since Urban Dad's side is closer, he would gallantly leap out of bed and escort her to her task.

Now that she no longer needs even an escort, she just goes in on her own. Somewhere in my sub-conscious, I hear the clunk of the lid flipping up, then check back out until the ker-flush at the end, followed by a loud plunk of the lid flipping back down and the squirt of hand sanitizer.

So I gently suggested to Urban Kid 1 that just in the middle of the night, she could skip the ker-flush and head quietly back to bed like a big girl does. She adamently nodded her head in all of her First Born eagerness to please and all excited to do just as a big girl does.

Fast forward to the next time she has a nocturnal call of nature:

I hear the clunk of the lid flipping up and fade back to sleep. Next is the clunk of the lid flipping down and squirt of the hand sanitizer. I'm fading from semi-conscious back into dead asleep during the moments of silence after this. Little did I know that Urban Kid 1 did not go straight back to her bedroom. She was hovering in our doorway, taking a deep breath before announcing in her loudest possible whisper that isn't really that much of a whisper:

"I didn't flush the toilet because I didn't want to wake anyone up!!!"

This has gone on for months now.

I want to point out the lack of logic of the announcement, but Urban Dad keeps holding me back.

"She's trying to be nice. It's sweet!"
"But she's waking us up!"
"So what? It's cute."
"Not as cute as me sleeping."

And so we go on.

I'm often warned about wishing these years away. I certainly see the charm in them, don't get me wrong. Lord knows that I'm aware that in about ten years both of the Urban Kids could very well hate me.

But I'm also kind of looking forward to a time when I am only concerned with my own trips to the bathroom!

Because It's Sunday Night...

2009-11-01T19:02:00.000-06:00

and so I have school tomorrow on my mind...

I recently was on the receiving end of two comments about homeschooling:

Scenario #1:

"You're not like a typical homeschool mom."

This was meant as a compliment by a very nice young woman. But I was left wondering...

HUH?

What exactly are her expectations of a homeschool mom? Was her intent to say that I exceed them somehow?
How many homeschool moms has she encountered?
Were they enough for her to make an assumption about an entire group?
Would she say something like this about any other group? For example, "you're not like a typical gay man?" or "you're not like a typical white woman?"
Just about everyone to whom I mention our educational decision for our kids responds that they know someone who has done or is doing this, so are we all that "fringe" anymore? (more on that topic here)

Scenario #2:

There's a public school at the end of our block. On the weekends, the neighborhood kids often play there, whether they attend the school or not. One particular mom asked the inevitable question that follows, "How old is Urban Kid 1?" after learning that she is six: "Where does she go to school? Here at the Neighborhood School?" Upon my truthful and cheerful reply, she emphatically shared that some people who homeschool "really offend" her. She expanded on it having to do with the teaching of creation theories. And then repeated how "really and truly offended" she was on the topic.

She then turned her back on me, not really interested in hearing my response.

Ok, seriously lady? That offends you? Frankly, my own plan for that particular topic is to teach Darwin's thoughts on it for Science and the other schools of thought on the topic under the umbrella of Philosophy. I do not plan to teach the Urban Kids that either school of thought is offensive.

Frankly, since becoming a parent, and especially since exploring educational options, I have come to the heartfelt conclusion that your children are yours to raise. Outside of doing the obvious abuses of them (because that is actually offensive), parents should be allowed to raise their kids any way they want. You want to go up to the top of a mountain, pour purple ink all over yourselves and chant at the moon? Knock yourself out. Don't get me wrong -- it's highly unlikely that your kids will be having too many playdates with the Urban Kids -- but as a parent, if you're otherwise stable and that's your idea of recreation, then it's your right to go right ahead. I'll be left scratching my head, but I won't work myself up to being "offended" about it.

This decision is proving to be the best option for our family at this stage of life. It matches with our educational goals and our values. (while religion was not an overwhelming factor in the decision, values definitely were; you could say they're related, but let's actually meet in person for coffee for that chat, shall we? i promise to not get offended.)

Ok, back on track --

I would not expect that this decision would be the best option for your family. I would enthusiastically share what I've learned and send you in various directions for your own research, but never in a million years would I be offended at whatever decision you might make for your kids.

Urban Kid 1 socializes -- yes, folks, she spends time with other children, is invited to birthday parties and play dates, etc -- with kids from all over the spectrum of life. She lives in a neighborhood known for its gay population. She is buddies with a neighborhood kid who goes to a $21,000 a year private school instead of the one at the end of our block. She is buddies with a kid who goes to a tiny Catholic school instead of the one at the end of our block. She is buddies with a couple of kids who go to the public school in the next neighborhood. Another buddy attends a Montessori school all the way in Evanston instead of the neighborhood school! She is buddies with kids of various religions, ethnicities and incomes. Most of the parents of Urban Kid's buddies have diametrically opposing political views as our own (some assume that we agree because we are too polite to delve into what could be an "offensive" argument, but that's a different post). Urban Dad stands in front of students who are quite literally from all over the world; we make it a point to get the Urban Kids up there to hang out.

And for the most part, we're a private bunch. We wake up each day and go about our business. We practice good manners when we leave the house. We get out and about and do fun activities and make friends. We don't assume that others are offensive because they're going about things in a way that would not work for us.

I figure that we're all shooting for the same basic goals, and that we're all finding our own roads to getting there, be they stereotypical or not. And that this is cool -- not offensive.

Perhaps I'm over-reacting. I'm certainly giving it more time than it all deserves. It just all gave me a bit of pause.

Viva la difference.

Happy Anniversary, Urban Dad!

2009-10-28T07:54:00.003-05:00

Seven years ago today, I finally came to my senses and made my Urban Boyfriend my Urban Husband. Eleven months later, with the arrival of Urban Kid 1, he became Urban Dad. I was scared to death of marriage and parenthood, but he was patient. Ok, and persistent. And then patient some more. And I think that he was still a little nervous after Urban Kid 1 was born.

Hey, did I ever tell you that Best Namma Ever! and the Pink Power Ranger were devising backup emergency plans once they learned I was pregnant with Urban Kid 1? They recognized that the biggest commitmentphobe and least domestic person in the family was knocked up. Fortunately, they didn't tell me that until I was thoroughly and blissfully settled into life as Urban Mom.

Anywhooooo, read more details about our slighly unusual engagment and wedding here.

So we're getting a babysitter -- a real, live babysitter!!!! -- and heading out for an overpriced, yet truly wonderful dinner here.

We get dressed up in our Sunday Best and go here every year for our anniversary, and it's always perfect. We look back over the time we've had so far and make big fantasy plans for the future. We point out other tables where we have had other anniversary dinners. We recognize how well and truly blessed we are to have the happy life that we do.

It's my favorite meal of the year.

Lest I get too serious, however.......

Field Trip Week... Fail??

2009-10-26T22:56:00.001-05:00

Well, I was just all bursting with ambition over taking the week off of Regular School and doing Field Trip Week. We were going to get out there and soak up all kinds of piles of educational splendor available to us folks lucky enough to live in the bustling metropolis of Chicago. Except there was one problem:

The Urban Kids weren't into it.

Yeah, I know....

So here was the plan, and where the plan fell apart:

Monday: Lincoln Park Zoo

We had our folder of Animal Observation Sheets and were going to carefully take notes on a few animals. I had checked out the website the evening before and was aware of every feeding, training, Meet An Animal chat that the zoo had that a.m. I had packed lunches for the three of us and stuffed them into my Mom Purse.

We happily ran around from animal to animal. We met a box turtle, watched an otter do flips off of the glass, saw the gray seal get its feeding & training. After much pleading from Urban Kid 2 to "see the juh-waffs," we stopped by the giraffes.

We ate our lunches in a windowless room in a basement where people who bring their own stuff are banished. (people who pay $6.75 for a peanut butter & jelly sandwich get sunlight and chairs that are not flipped over onto the tables, thus reminding us that yes, you get what you pay for sometimes) We rode the merry-go-round when U-Kid 2 was dozing off. But I should have just let her fall asleep, because we scored a cushy new "kneeling" bus that was virtually empty for our trip home.

We spent a long stretch gazing at the monkeys. They returned the favor.

Realizing that we were running out of time as far as U-Kid 2 needing a nap/avoiding a meltdown, I told Urban Kid 1 that we could see the kangaroos (an animal we have studied) or the polar bears (an animal we are going to study), but not both, as they are at opposite ends of the zoo.

She opted for the polar bears, so off we dashed to find...... an empty pen. No bears lounging in the sun. No bears swimming in the pool. No access to any indoor observation place.

peek-a-boo, i *don't* see you!

Ah well, it was basically a pretty day and a good way to spend it. We came back home, did the nap/quiet time that Urban Mom ~~loves to pieces~~ likes to give the kids, and did an afternoon outside class for Urban Kid 1 (i'll list the stuff we do on the left there, but sorry, not telling where we are on which days).

Tuesday: Shedd Aquarium

I was trying to hustle the Urban Kids out of the door in order to get there by 9a when the Shedd opened. We got there bright and early, and therefore scored metered street parking -- my big goal, since garage parking is $19, so yay me on that one. However, the Urban Kids were crabby! Urban Kid 2 was making her opinion of this particular trip very clear by throwing things and splaying herself across a bench and otherwise making a complete ~~jackass of me~~ spectacle of herself. And Urban Kid 1 did not show the slightest interest in any animals. And, we went to the Shedd on Tuesday because it was advertised as a Free Day. So what does Free Day mean to YOU? Because to the Shedd, it means, The Good Stuff Is Not Free; We Will Lure You Down Here And Then Demand $35 To Show You The Good Stuff Like The Dolphins or Penguins or Even A Damn Jellyfish.

Sigh. It wasn't the money. It was the principle. They dangled a day of free fun in front of a family of four living in the city on a teacher's salary. And then they welched on it. Feeling ~~punk'd~~ grumpy about it, we checked out a few displays, Urban Kid 1 actually listened for a few minutes to the feeding at the tank in the rotunda,

we ate our little lunches again -- but I had to bail out because U-Kid 2 was screeching and flailing -- and headed outdoors.

It was just as well. It was a beautiful day outside.

So they ran and played and picked every little flower they could find and joyfully brought it to me. Joyfully! Finally, a happy moment on Tuesday!

Then we remembered the little playground area between the Field Museum and the Shedd.

And then we remembered that our parking meter was about to expire and headed back to the car. Because if I wasn't going to pay $35 in ~~Lie To Me Money~~ admission fees, I sure wasn't going to pay $75 for ~~Stupid Tax~~ a parking fine.

Wednesday:

Hey Urban Kids, want to go to the Museum of Science & Industry?

Naaaaahhhh.

Yeah, but it's free every weekday this month. It would be fun. It's Field Trip Week. You want to go?

Naaaahhhh.

And so I had to ponder picking my battles. And it was the last 70-degree day that Chicago will see until May. We will be buried alive in several feet of snow before we know. Last winter we had -18 degree days before factoring in the windchill.

And so we blew it off and just took the day off completely.

We went to Ulta and picked up makeup for Urban Kid 1's Halloween costume (Cleopatra). We went to CVS and picked up necessities. We meandered the neighborhood. We went to the ramp behind a neighborhood church and ran up and down the ramp and some staisr, gathered leaves into a pile and then threw them around. We met friends at a playground and played until the sun went down.

(And I have secret plans to possibly meet our neighbors at the MSI later this week. ssshhhhhhhh.....)

It was perfect.

Thursday:

Hey Urban Kids, you want to go to the Butterfly Haven at the Nature Museum today? (again, a free day)

Naaaaaahhhh.

Would you rather go to the Butterfly Haven or do regular school? (ha ha, now i have 'em)

School.

Wha'??? Really???? (high pitched and quite shocked)

Yeah. The Butterfly room is hot.

But that's the point!!!

Mmmmmm..... let's do school today instead.

(scratching head) Ummmmm.... okayyyyy.... I guess.

Friday: was never going to be a part of Field Trip Week, as we have three different outside activities stacked up like planes circling O'Hare on Fridays. I do not want to mess with Fridays.

I'm thinking that the next shot at this will be Field Trip Month. One Field Trip a week for a month. Build some anticipation maybe.

Shrug.

There are worse ways to spend a week.

Gettin' Schooled

2009-10-18T22:00:00.000-05:00

Oh my, I have been lazy about my blogging. Terribly lazy. Who-da-thunk that this homeschooling thing would take such time. Every.day. Well, every.week.day. Combine that with a recent thinning of my bloggy mojo, and you get a lazy blogger. I'm assuming that the thin-bloggy-mojo is cyclical. Afterall, I'm a girl -- I come wired to assume things are cyclical, I guess.

So here are the highlights:

School. As in the {Urban} Country Day Academy. {fill in our real last name in the brackets} It's mentioned in the URL of this site and in my friendly introductory paragraph, which is much like myself IRL -- friendly and chatty, yet guarded to the general public.

But to the point. {Urban} CDA is named that because I grew up in St. Louis, and the hoitiest of the toitiest schools there were This-N-That Country Day Academy. Find one of the Busch kids or a kid of an executive for AG Edwards, Purina, McDonnell Douglas (now BOING!BOING!BOING!), a kid of a baseball player, whatevah, and you'd likely find him/her at a school with the term Country Day Academy in the name. I went to a public school that was pretty good at the time, but that I wouldn't send my kids to now, no-how, no-way. And the MIL -- oh, the piece of work that is the MIL -- wanted the Urban Kids to go to one of Chicago's hoity-toity private schools. She offered to foot the bill, even (post financial aid filings). But here's the thing -- she's an evil psycho. And Urban Dad & I were not going to dance on her strings.

So {Urban} Country Day Academy. Under Illinois law, homeschoolers are considered their own private school. {Urban} CDA only allows two students and no more, so there ya go -- pretty damn private, huh? The tuition is pretty reasonable for a boarding school. And no pressure to carry a $200 purse to Geometry class or to feel like a loozah because you didn't spend Christmas in Portugal. And when you pack up your studies to visit the St. Louis campus (aka: Best Namma Ever!'s house), you can rest assured that you won't have to do squat.

We're about six weeks into school now. We're finding our routine; Urban Kid 1 & I are finding our groove. She can't stand Math; I am resisting letting her opt into the Girl Who Hates Math stereotype. She's been informed that when she finishes this:

and this:

that they will drop from the schedule and will not be replaced by anything new.

This makes her happy because she knows that when we finish this:

that this will come immediately on its heels:

She's doing 1st grade Math, Writing, Handwriting, History & Science; 2nd grade spelling; reading at almost a 4th grade level. If she was in the Chicago system, she'd have started Kindergarten six weeks ago.

She has a daily list that varies a bit from day to day. When we finish something, she gets to take her write-on-wipe-off marker and scratch -- ok, slash -- it off of the list.

The whole thing that we're doing here is very structured and procedural. It's how her parents are wired, so it's how she has to roll right now.

That said, now that we feel like this is actually working and my muttering fears in the back of my brain that I am going to be an abysmal failure at this whole weird idea and irreversably wreck two innocent human beings along the way are quieting down, we're blowing off most of this week.

It's Field Trip Week!

More soon!

Oh Say Can You HEAR?

2009-10-08T19:00:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine posted in on FB today, so of course I immediately nabbed it (after many public thanks!) and posted it myself. And I'm posting it here, too. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to YouTube to look for more.

Paging Urban Mom

2009-10-07T23:04:00.000-05:00

Woah! How much time has passed? How much????

It's been a little crazy around here. And I've been a little lazy by the end of the day. Y'see, I have this theory that if I get a big more sleep that I'll be more pleasant of a homeschool mom the next day. And my theory is proving correct. And since we have desktop computer that involves me turning my back on two small children in order to even begin to focus on a blog post, let alone actually write one, well, you get the idea.

But we've been at the school thing for about a month now, and I think we're hitting a bit of a stride. Urban Kid 1 is getting the idea that we have made a decision, that this is the decision, that this is the routine and that if she gets with it that there will be rewards. For example, one particular day of the week is very light for us around here. We cart around to three different classes, so school stuff in between is also light -- a math review sheet, a history coloring page, what-have-you. Well, Urban Kid 1 has been invited over to a buddy's house for an a.m. playdate before he heads to afternoon kindergarten. If we get everything done, we can throw this playdate into the mix and completely blow off school that day. Because, you see, this is a break for me as well! Everybody wins!!

And besides, there have been perks. As we walked to meet a friend of mine for lunch last week, we strolled by the school at the end of our block (yes, there's a school at the end of our block, and we won't send her there) and basked in the knowledge that we got to go to Bamee Noodles in the middle of a school day!

Or that today we got to stop into the nail salon because mama was in desperate need of an eyebrow wax:

Of course, this involved stopping at the library on the way home, so really, it was an educational errand! Really!

So it's been a lot of this with Urban Kid 1:

And a lot of this with Urban Kid 2:

And some of this with both of the Urban Kids:

While trying to get in some of this once in a while:

And so, in the hopes of making you smile for being kind enough to stop by, I'll end with this, another picture from one of Pink Power Ranger's Facebook posts (it's her cat):

June Cleaver A6P posted something similar the same day that PPR posted this on Facebook, so I hesitated to put it here. But what the heck. There's just something funny about a totally pissed off cat, isn't there?

Well, until you have to go to sleep that is. Damn nocturnal critters.

More soon! (i really really hope)

Control Issues + Nostalgia = Weird Post

2009-09-25T23:16:00.000-05:00

I love office supplies. Is that weird? There's something that makes it all feel like a fresh start is so possible, like the potential of a new season or a new undertaking is within reach, even just at your fingertips. It's one of the things that I like about Back To School Season... even more so than New Year's Eve or my birthday, I feel like a whole world of possibilities and accomplishments are within reach. All I need is the exact right calendar. Or the exact right notebook. Or the exact right desk organizer. Yeah, the reality is that it usually ends up as unnecessary. The exact right calendar has turned out to be my phone (lovin' my Palm Centro for that one).

And the exact right notebook right now is either the Memo section of said phone, or the long skinny notebook that I picked up for $1 at a now-forgotten stop on Road Trip 2009 that has this on the cover:

And desk organizers don't work for the Urbans. Piles of My Stuff and His Stuff work better. Don't touch the pile that isn't yours, and domestic peace will reign.

But I did like shopping for notebooks and such that I need for Urban Kid 1's school stuff for the year. And I used to like that during school for myself. Elementary school, junior high, high school, college, back-to-college, teaching..... loved shopping for school supplies.

And tonight, I learned that the good people at Mead have re-launched this.

I'm a child of the 80's. And frankly, said childhood was a bit weird. Maybe even a lot, depending on who I'm standing next to. (compared to U-Dad, I lived a life of stability and sunshine comparable only to an old black and white family sitcom... hence our thick filters around the Urban Kids)

But this.

What is it about this that glosses over so many memories? The fact that I could control so little, but dammit, I could control this much? I could control the outcome of one freakin' thing?

I suppose shrinks -- or preferably my long-time friends -- would have a few thoughts on the topic. But of all the school supplies that I ever loved, I loved my Trapper Keeper!

And now, it's back!

I don't need one. I'm all set on my organizational system for this school year.

I've always been a bit suspicious of nostalgia. For example, I've happily passed on two high school reunions so far.

But still.... Maybe I need to stop into a Staples or Office Depot just to ... y'know ... look at it. No harm in just looking at it, right?

(Y'suppose I need to get out more?)

12-Point Font for that?

2009-09-18T23:03:00.002-05:00

I first took typing in the 7th grade at Kirby Junior High School in St. Louis. I took to it immediately and banged out perfect papers. And "bang them out" is pretty much how it happened, as we all sat in a room (unairconditioned, at that... gawd, i'm old) full of mechanical typewriters.

I remember my maternal grandmother saying, in her slow Southern Illinois drawl, "welllll, that's niiice. That way you knooow you'll allwaaaays haaave a job." This was followed by a nod that I'm sure was meant to be reassuring, God rest her sweet soul.

In my youthful arrogance, I thought, "pfffft! Lady, I'm going far! I'll have people for that!"

And being a lightening-fast typist has served me well in life. I flew through getting papers done in high school. Well, okay -- having a mom who worked at what was then McDonnell Douglas and asking her to transform my hand-scrawled notes into beautiful reports sometimes helped too. And in college, I earned a few extra bucks typing up other folks' hand-scrawled notes.

I can also spell, and bad grammar makes my skin crawl.

You get the picture.

As I worked my way through college in the TV Production field, being able to type quickly and accurately made me helpful and handy when typing in names, titles, stock prices, pledge numbers, what-have-you at various TV stations around Peoria. And these minimum-wage jobs (this was when it was a whopping $4.25/hr -- gawd, i'm old) kept me motivated to look for my first "real" job. The one where I would "have people for that."

Want to guess what my first "real" job was? The first one that brought me to the glamorous world of downtown Chicago?

Typing scripts.

But one thing led to another. And from that crappy --yet air-conditioned -- job came a slightly less crappy job. And then a bit of a better one. And then I got to try doing that project. They let me use a phone to book talent, even a studio. I got to produce a few things. I got to feel mildly important inside of a strange microcosm that gives itself lots of rewards for selling deoderant, beer, diapers, prescription drugs, etc.

So what's your point, Val?

When I was in this microcosm, I met a cute guy down the hall. And he worked in a Chicago Public School. As a result, he did not have handy access to a computer at the time. He had graduated from college years before. He could peck his way around a keyboard, but it took forever. He couldn't spell his way out of a paper bag (ironic for an English teacher, eh?). His tests were hand-written -- the horror!

So what did I do after a few dates with the cute guy down the hall? I invited him downtown after school so that I could type up his tests for him on my shiny corporate computer in my Stuart Little-sized cubicle. He could take me out for a bite as thanks. What's not romantic about that? (eye roll)

Seriously, Val. The point already? Any point at all will do.

The point is that it is now about fourteen years later (gawd, i'm old). And I am still typing to earn my keep! (ok, it's only one of about 100 things i do, and it pales next to the 1,000 things he does).

Urban Dad informed me that recommendation letter season has started -- he has AP Juniors, so they come back as Seniors and ask for recco's for the college apps. And bless his big heart if he doesn't use a form letter, but writes one out for each and every sweet darling.

And he has two tests to get together.

And I think some other stuff.

So you see, folks? My grandmother is laughing her butt off at my arrogant dumb self! And that's okay, 'cause I kind of am too.

See you after the weekend!

A Glimpse Into The Mind of Urban Mom

2009-09-17T14:56:00.001-05:00

Ok, ok. This whole blog is meant to give you a glimpse into the machinations of my thought process. But I thought that this particular post might give you an idea of where I come from, of my roots, yes, of my relationship with the Pink Power Ranger.

You see, PPR & I have nothing in common. We have always had utterly different lives. I was a straight-A, club-involved Varsity athlete in high school, she wore a black leather jacket and walked from the front door of the school straight to the back door; I live in the city of Chicago, she lives in the far-flung suburbs of St. Louis; I went from corporate drone to high school teacher to homeschool mom, she straps on Kevlar, packs heat and goes into situations that we regular folks would run the hell away from; I'm married with two kids, she sleeps late and does whatever the hell she wants with her own money.

You get the idea.

However, we also have everything in common. While we are complete polar opposites, we have some "interesting" characters in common and the unusual common history of our goofy family (and let's just add that she and I share the same feelings regarding Her Husband). She and I share a sense of humor that might be called, well..... dark. Urban Dad does not share this sense of humor, so I don't get to show that side too much at home. But you can imagine how PPR hones hers during the course of her work week.

Here's our idea of humor:

This exchange took place while I was visiting Best Namma Ever! and using her computer late one evening. Keep in mind that until this moment, I saw the Skype icon on her desktop, but didn't really understand what it is until I heard a *ding* and saw PPR's note. This is my first-ever Skype conversation!

[10:34:58 PM] PPR: Hi Mommy!

[10:35:45 PM] Me (pretending to be BNE!): Hi Sweetie, how are you?

[10:36:57 PM] PPR: Just fine. Tired. Ran a LOT of errands today. Going to paint my bedroom tomorrow.

[10:37:12 PM] PPR: Will still be there by 3 though ;)

[10:37:14 PM] Me (pretending to be BNE!): What color?

[10:37:23 PM] Me (still pretending t be BNE!): Don't be late.

[10:37:42 PM] PPR: An earthtone beige with a hint of yellow. I can bring you a swatch of it.

[10:38:09 PM] Me (continuing to pretend to be BNE!): Would love to see it. By the way, I have to tell you something important.

[10:38:23 PM] PPR: What

[10:38:32 PM] PPR: No one can see this but me.

[10:38:35 PM] Me (just eating up this delicious moment): Valerie is my favorite.

[10:38:48 PM] Me (giggling my hiney off like a 12yo): BWAAAAA HAAAA HAAA HAAAAAA

[10:38:58 PM] PPR: I already knew that. You make it quite obvious.

[10:39:48 PM] PPR: I got kicked out onto the mean streets to fend for myself when I was only ten.

[10:40:16 PM] Me (only kinda being BNE! now): Ten? Gee, I must've been really drunk. I thought you were twelve.
{note to reader: it's ok; BNE! is not and has never been a drunk}

[10:40:23 PM] PPR: I had to walk to school in blizzards and you drove by slowly with Valerie-waving and smiling.

[10:41:08 PM] PPR: It's okay. Now I carry a gun and I am perfecting my knowledge of crime scene staging.

[10:41:19 PM] PPR: Bwaaaa haaaa haaaa haaaa

[10:41:45 PM] Me: You can be late tomorrow.

[10:42:38 PM] PPR: I thought so. Wench.

[10:42:57 PM] PPR: Heee heee

[10:43:38 PM] Me: Heeee heeee back atcha.

[10:43:42 PM] Me (as BNE!): Nighty night!

[10:43:51 PM] Me (as BNE!): "mommy" is sleepy

[10:44:32 PM] PPR: Go sleep it off. See you tomorrow. Try to keep the pain killers and liquor in their respective bottles and out of your tummy.

[10:45:20 PM] Me (as BNE!): but the dreams are so much better if i mix them. i dream that i'm single....

Ok, maybe PPR and I are the only ones that get it and find it funny. Maybe it was a "you had to be there" kind of moment. And maybe "you had to be there" moments that happen in cyber-space are that much harder to translate to other people later.

But I'll confess that I'm strangely looking forward to using my mom's computer again on my next visit!

BWAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAA!

A Good Time Was Had By All

2009-09-15T22:26:00.001-05:00

Well, Urban Kid 1's sixth (SIXTH!!!) birthday has come and gone. And I think that we've convinced our little Ski Trip Souveneir that she did actually have a birthday party. Actually, it was more of a Birthday Weekend. And judging by her behavior today, well, let's just say that re-entry to regular life can be a real b*itch.

But on to the good stuff!

On Thursday, we did the bare minimum of school. It was a drop-dead-beautiful day outside, plus her birthday. So when asking her to do anything at all, it was "but it's my birthday!" And frankly, I could see her six (SIX!!!) year old logic. So we knocked out a reading lesson, just enough math to say that we did some and a spelling test (100%, thankyouverymuch). Then it was out into the beckoning sunshine to go for a walk and eventually, oh-so-coincidentally, happen by the nail salon, where U-Kid 1 scored a mani-/pedi- and her mom who her gave her life treated herself to a pedi.

A few hours later, Best Namma Ever! and Her Husband (who insisted on tagging along in order to feel ~~wanted~~ ~~relevant~~ included) arrived. After meeting and greeting and oooo-ing and ahhhh-ing, we all piled into the UrbanMobile and went to Spanish class. BNE! took U-Kid 2 to her Moms and Tots class, U-Kid 1 ran off to hers, and HH and I walked and shopped a bit. At the end of Spanish, I brought in balloons so that U-Kid 1 could pass them out to her classmates. Thank Gawd we brought extras, thus curing any possible tears from younger siblings right then and there.

I dropped off BNE!, HH and U-Kid 2, picked up Urban Dad and taxi'd U-Dad and U-Kid 1 downtown for what seems to be their annual Birthday Date. I dropped them off at the ~~Sears~~ Willis Tower and picked my way through traffic, grateful that U-Kid 1 has such a wonderfully attentive daddy (my sister, the Pink Power Ranger, was stood up on her sixth birthday by our bio-dad).

On Friday, while BNE! took U-Kid 2 to Art Class, HH, U-Kid 1 and I went to our local Caribou Coffee and walked a couple of coffee canteens to our local police station. HH managed to do minimal Embarrassment Damage, U-Kid 1 charmed one of the officers out of a very cool Junior Officer badge and I was happy to see that someone had already brought them a huge tray of bagels and cream cheese. And I was heartened at how sincerely they said, "you tell your sister to stay safe" as we said good-bye.

On Saturday, it was party time! U-Kid 1 awoke with "how long til 1:00?" Followed by, "how long now?" and "how about now?" Finally, her three friends arrived and we were off. We loaded them into a cab (a minivan cab actually happened onto us -- hooraaaay!) and took them to North Michigan Ave for a horse-drawn carriage ride around the city. Four little girls, two adults, two cameras being passed around, lots of tourists to wave at and an astoundingly beautiful day! As we passed by the Park Hyatt, we saw a crowd waiting outside. Seems that they were waiting for this guy to come out:

U-Dad knows me well enough to have immediately and directly instructed me to stay put. *sigh*

After a lovely ride, we loaded into two cabs (no luck with a minivan this time) and headed back to our neighborhood candy store, where we loaded the young ladies with cake and passed out princess cake toppings, balloons and goody bags.

U-Kid 1 is convinced she had a party. We are convinced that we didn't have to shell out $500. BNE! continues to be convinced that her grandkids are the most beautiful little girls ever born. U-Kid 2 is convinced that we are fascinated with her every trip to the bathroom. HH is convinced that we enjoyed his company. And I am convinced that I have not aged a single day in the last six (SIX!!!) years.

Yep. A good time was, indeed, had by all.

Happy 6th Birthday, Urban Kid 1

2009-09-10T07:37:00.001-05:00

So much to tell about your arrival, but no time. As ever, I'm up too late. And as ever, I'm behind on blogging. But know that you turned my world upside-down in the best possible way and made me learn things about myself that I might otherwise never have. And you drive me absolutely nuts sometimes, but hey, that particular thing kept me interested in Urban Dad while we were dating, too.

Urban Kid 1 @ 3 months old

I hope that I've served you well enough, so far. I hope that God still is ok with his decision to send you to me. And I hope that you'll be kind if you write a book someday.

Forever yours,

Urban Mom

PS: My behind-on-blogging will continue for a few more days, as Best Namma Ever! and Her Husband arrive today for the weekend.

PPS: Try to take some coffee or cookies or something to your local firehouse or police station on Friday, if you're so inclined?

First Day of... Something

2009-09-01T17:24:00.000-05:00

Urban Dad Returns to Great Big Urban High School tomorrow morning. No more looking at the clock three times before finally deciding that 8:30a is plenty late, and we should get moving. No more curling up to him before he gets up. No more of seeing the hot guy at the gym splayed across an exercise ball getting a thorough core stretch and thinking, "well thank YOU" only to realize, "hey wait, he's MINE!" The road trip for the year is over. The bigger projects are done. It's time to give him back to his students.

Crap.

The Urban Kids & I will call tomorrow our first day of school. Well, sort of. Urban Kid 1 & I started dabbling through history a few weeks ago -- nothing formal, just sort of figuring out the routine -- and are in Ancient Egypt right now. The Chicago Field Museum has a permanent exhibit called Inside Ancient Egypt. Real mummies, a mock village set up, a free tour at 1p. Oh, and tomorrow is a free day! So I figure that rationalizes driving and paying for parking (Urban Kid 2 can still be a bit of a wild card; when it's time to leave, it's time to leave.)

Spanish & Piano classes also start this week.

Sigh.

But I've nothing to complain about. It really has been a wonderful summer!

Now let's see what we can work up for the rest of the year.

Dr. McSwimmy

2009-08-30T15:09:00.003-05:00

Because last year I did this post on Michael, and it got me the most comments all year...

Because Michael is a young 'un and does not qualify for Flavor of the Month...

Because I strongly oppose censorship... especially today...

Because all too often, the ladies who generously stop by there have so kindly been there for me, so today it is my honor to be there for you...

Enjoy.

Pink Power Ranger Pictures

2009-08-28T22:21:00.002-05:00

This is the kind of stuff that my cop sister, the Pink Power Ranger, posts on Facebook on her day off. Interesting juxtaposition, huh?

A Decorative Future?

2009-08-26T22:20:00.000-05:00

As long as I have Urban Kid 1 on the brain, allow me to follow up on an old post: A Decorative Winter.

Urban Kid 1 has this idea that she wants to be a decorator. Frankly, that suits Urban Dad and me just fine. If the homeschooling thing works out like we hope, she'll end up with a durn guhd edjyukayshun. And frankly, we'd be okay with sending her to design school instead of college (this from a set of parents who each have two B.A.'s).

Urban Kid 1's godmother is a designer who has completely and beautifully revamped a couple of giganto houses, one of which ended up in Luxe magazine and another in some swanky Utah home magazine. Imagine what U-Kid 1 could learn and who she could meet if her first job at sixteen was to work for her godmother?

But a few recent examples of her passion for design:

She's been allowed to stay up late on Sunday nights to watch this:

She gets so giddy over the privilege, you'd think we'd offered her her first martini! No wait, that's how I get over a martini. And all we have to say on Sunday is, "do you want to stay up tonight to watch Design Star?" and she snaps back to perfect behavior.

At 8p on weeknights, Urban Dad & I are often busy with getting Urban Kid 2 to bed and getting ourselves organized. Urban Kid 1 is left with the Electronic Babysitter set to House Hunters. This makes her deliriously happy. And she has an uncanny talent for picking the winning house!

(sidenote: a good thing about HGTV... you can leave the room and not worry about the commercials. with sports, it's a slew of products to help men go all night -- or not go, as the case may be -- , spots for horror movies that scare the pants off of U-Dad & me, etc. HGTV? Spots for paint, maybe flooring, even cleaning supplies. Safe stuff, that HGTV!)

Urban Kid 1 recently drew out a careful floorplan of an entire house and explained the exhaustive details of why everything was where it was. Yes, we soooo need to show this to her godmother.

She continues to want a sidetable for her 6th birthday. A sidetable! Not a Wii system or a wardrobe of princess dresses or a trip to American Girl. No. A sidetable.

When at our gym's Kids' Club, she plays House Hunters. The college kids who work there try to keep up, but are not sure how to respond when a 5yo declares that she has her doubts about one particular house because "it has an unfinished basement."

So who knows where this will lead if it keeps up? Perhaps she'll be on whatever form Design Star takes on in 20 years. Perhaps she'll open her own design firm and take the world by storm. Perhaps she'll end up managing a Pottery Barn.

Wherever it goes, I feel confident that my room in the nursing home will look damn good.

Six Candles

2009-08-25T22:05:00.003-05:00

Yes, Folks, that law about inertia is so true! A blogger who is at rest tends to stay at rest. I keep thinking, "yeah, i should do a post tonight," and then *bang* I'm sacked out. Another issue is that the computer is a desktop that lives in a corner of our downstairs. And life increasingly is not in a corner of the downstairs. What I want is a laptop computer. That way it can live in my lap, wherever that lap may be. (george, i am cyber-smacking you right now for whatever comment you are thinking!) But alas, there is not a big pile of moolah sitting around doing nothing right now, so here I am, in a corner of the basement, in the dark because Urban Kid 2 still needs to be put into a PakNPlay to fall asleep before being moved to her Big Girl Bed.

Enough excuses. Here's what's what:

Urban Kid 1 is about to turn 6yo, and we are trying to figure out what to do. So far, we've gotten away with not really doing an official, real birthday party. We've done low-key family things. Last year, it was a fun date with Daddy around the city. The year before, it was two friends coming over for a tour of the local firehouse and a couple of games and cake at the apartment. Before that, Best Namma Ever! coming up to hang out with us.

But now she's coming onto 6yo. And she's going to birthday parties. And some of these parties are damn ~~expensive~~ nice. People renting out Pump It Up! and going to plays and such. She wants this. She wants a party and friends and favors and goodies bags and a venue.

Cringe!!!

But it's been a big summer for Urban Kid 1. She got her first library card, lost her first tooth (and there's a second one loosening up, too), learned how to ride her bike, got a passport, went on a huge roadtrip and continues her quest to be a decorator.

Perhaps we should top off the big summer? Perhaps she's old enough now for a party? To enjoy and appreciate and remember it? This was the conversation between Urban Dad & me.

Then we investigated the price at a place we knew she would love. $400. $400! Before providing our own cake, balloons, goodie bags, plates & forks, tips, etc. So really, closer to $500.

$500!!

Sorry, Urban Kid 1. That's almost halfway to that laptop computer. That's a full-on Botox treatment that I keep whining that I want. That's Piano and Swimming classes for the Fall and Winter.

In other words, No ****ing Way.

So now we are investigating our gym. Perhaps we could invite some friends to join her at the climbing wall. Hell, I'm certified now. I could belay a few shorties up the wall if it helps. I've seen other groups do this, followed by cake and goodie bags in a particular area of the lobby near the climbing wall.

Or maybe, we invite three of her girlfriends over, cab them downtown, toss everyone into a carriage ride, cab them home, then cake and giggles and goodie bags.

It could be worse. She could be turning 21. I intend to hide under my bed for that one. If she turns out to be anything like I was at 21, anyway.

Such are the dramas with the Urban Family just now.

Scattered Update

2009-08-07T22:10:00.003-05:00

The doin's here:

1. Did I mention that Urban Kid 1 lost her first tooth on July 27th? The tooth fairy left her a Sacajewea (sp?) dollar. She was immensely proud, and we called everyone we could think of to share the news. Bless all of their hearts, they gushed beautifully over it. Her godparents even called back from Spain when they got the message!!

2. U-Kid 1 and U-Dad went to Lincoln Park today. They took her bike... sans training wheels. By the end of it, she was going about 200 yards on her own. However, she leans to one side. Two women watched, then approached her with high fives and, "you go, sister!" U-Kid 1 felt very grown-up to be called "sister" by them. The plan is to go back out tomorrow to fine tune the accomplishment. When U-Kid 1 got home today, she went into her bedroom and sat on the end of her bed, looking very serious. When U-Kid 2 came in looking for her, U-Kid 1 said, "I can't play right now. I have to think about how to stop leaning on my bike." Follwed by more quiet, serious contemplation while sitting on the end of her bed.

3. U-Kid 2 tried art class today at The Paintbrush. She was immensely shy, refused to wear a smock (gotta love a hand-me-down tee from Target), got paint in her hair, tried to lick the paint off of her hands, and her work may take a week to dry because she laid it on so thick. But I could tell from her expressions that she was thinking, "I don't know where we are, but I like it!" So I'm thinking that both U-Kids will be doing art this year.

4. U-Kid 2 is also potty-training. I am convinced that potty-training is a form of birth control. We've put off actively doing the training til now for a few reasons. 1.) it's warm enough to let her "fly without a net," aka: don't give her any pants whenever we're home, 2.) U-Dad is around so that we can divide and conquer, thus avoiding a single moment of U-Kid 2 not being watched like a hawk and 3.) we're home from the Annual Road Trip. After several days of being convinced that she will go to college in a pull-up, she seems to be getting it now! And in the course of this process, we've investigated a few videos -- hilarious! In one, some poor teddy bear is flipped tush-side up while the kids "wipe" it with toilet paper while singing about wiping from front to back. And the Elmo one seems to remember that an adult is likely in the room with the occasional comment like, "now where did your mother put the air freshener?"

Anywhooooo, without getting too graphic, no accidents today. No flip-flops to clean up, no kitchen floor to wipe up, no bleach wipes had to come out, no laundry put into a plastic bag. A good day on the potty-training front. I have hopes that someday I can see her in underwear and not hear "tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick." I have hopes that I can someday not center my day around a kid's back-side!

5. Do not read The Velveteen Rabbit to your small child. Unless, of course, you are prepared to hold a sobbing child in your arms and to frantically make up a different ending. (stupid me for not checking it out more closely first)

6. I have before mentioned that the U-Kids are natural blondes. More proof:

A few nights ago, U-Kid 1 wandered out of bed. I was downstairs on the computer; U-Dad was on the back deck reading. So neither of us were immediately apparent. U-Kid 1 panicked and began wailing, bringing us running from opposite ends of the apartment. This led to her wanting me to hold her for a while. I went into her room and held her in her bed. After a bit, I suggested that she turn on her right side so that I could spoon up next to her.

She scooted over to the right, but still on her back.

"No, honey, turn over on your right side."

She scoots over a little more, closer to the edge of her twin bed.

"No, sweetie, turn over on your right side."

She scoots over until she is balancing her spine along the edge of the bed, looking rather confused and about to plunk over onto the floor and whack herself on the bookcase next to her bed.

"No," and I start using a hand gesture of whirling my hand in a circle. I also turn onto my own right side and point up and down the length of my own body. "Turn onto your. right. side. Like this."

"Oooooooohhhhh!" She turns, giggles at herself and is asleep about two minutes later.

Don't know where she gets that. (nervous a-hem)

Will try to post some vacay pix soon!

Flavor of the Month -- August

2009-08-04T22:58:00.006-05:00

Yeah, I know... this would mean so much more if I actually did it on the FIRST of each month. But hey, better late than ~~pregnant~~ never.

If you're a regular around here, you may recall that I am trying to keep FOTM no more than two years younger than me. You see, June Cleaver A6P has a wonderful feature called Monday Swoon. And I was feeling a mite self-conscious about how much I was enjoying it every time she featured ~~Robert Pattinson~~ certain young un's. Especially since I remember being younger and out in the world and wondering if every older married man at the office was an on-the-prowl dirtbag or just most of them. (George, you always maintained my faith in MANkind!) I started to feel like I needed to make up for my Cougar-ish ways with some small cyber-gesture.

And so, without further yammering... FOTM for August:

Lance Armstrong.

Mmmmmm HHHHmmmmmmmmmm...............

What can I say? I grew up attending marathons and triathlons. I came of age around people built like this. I never went for the football types. But a cyclist tan?

Hubba hubba. (is it any wonder that i fell for a guy who disappeared for weeks every summer during our long courtship in order to bicycle across either our country or someone else's?)

But Lance has made the month of July so exciting and fun for so many years now. I mean honestly, who doesn't enjoy watching the Europeans get their undies in a bunch over an American (a Texan, no less! extra giggle for that) come over and open up a can o' whup-ass on them in their own event?

And you see that crowd? How scared would you be to ride through that? Especially in a country where the locals loathe you? Where you regularly receive death threats? Where your (now ex-) wife spent a lot of lonely time when she and the kids lived there with you because people wouldn't talk to her? BTW, he is spit on regularly in these situations. Classy, huh?

And let's not forget the part about facing death and by some miracle saying a giant "up yours!" and recovering.

And if you happen to have a copy of his book It's Not About The Bike handy, check out page 136, where the director of the Cofidis racing organization came to the hospital to fire Lance. His words were, "... this is a cultural thing, and people in France don't understand how somebdy can get paid when they're not working." I know. I have a really hard time keeping a straight face over that statement, too. His friend and manager literally said, "F*** you" to the guy.

So how beautiful is it that he went on to win the Tour de France, wait, how many times?

And so Lance has recovered his health and his career. He's also started the LiveStrong organization, one for which my bicycling-crazed brother and nephew have raised at least a few bucks (SIL's family keeps getting hit with cancer). He seems to have a genuine and heart-felt passion for forwarding cancer research. God love ya for using your name and energy towards the cause and for looking so good doing it, Lance!

Now, all that said, let me clarify that I have tremendous, endless respect for Lance professionally. Even patriotically.

Not so much personally.

Really, Lance? If It's Not About The Bike, then what exactly IS it about? 'Cause I'm thinking that leaving your wife and three kids to chase rock stars and actresses is not so much what this second chance at life is about. Especially after you're too old to crush your Eurotrash opponents in the mountains of France. (geez, i do love it when he does that) And I guess that Sheryl and Kate figured out that a guy willing to leave his wife and three kids maybe ain't no special treat after all. And I don't get the BabyDaddy thing with the new girlfriend. Call me old-fashioned and out of touch that way. Or maybe they were surprised that he was ~~firing live rounds~~ fertile again? Don't get me wrong -- at least he's taking more responsibility than his own father did. I admire the fact that when his own father surfaced in the hopes of reclaiming the winning lottery ticket that he threw away, that Lance sent him right back on his way. I love that he takes such good care of his mother, who had him at the age of 17. But I also have a schizo fantasy in my head of Kristen Armstrong sitting by her pool in Texas admiring Julio the Pool Boy and fetching another $100 bill out of the big bag of divorce settlement money and using it to blow her nose.

I'm such a girl that way. I admit it.

But Lance, for all of the shades of gray that you present to me, I still thank you for making so many summers so much fun! Congratulations on another great race! I hope you raise gazillions of dollars for cancer research. And I hope that at least a few of your professional competitors have bald patches on their heads from tearing out their hair.

So, see ya next July?

Pokey Blogger

2009-07-31T22:20:00.001-05:00

Yep, that's me. Pokeeeeyyyy. I've no good reason for it. It's just that it's summer and we left town and checked out and I just haven't gotten back into the groove of fully checking back in yet. (yes, it's a run-on sentence. sometimes i like a run-on sentence.)

But, c'mon -- that's not why you're here. You want to know about the Urban Mama Drama. And shame on me for letting you hang for so long.

This road trip involved a lot of the American West -- a lot of northern Arizona and southern Utah. Over the last few years I've learned that I loooove the state of Utah. BYOB 'n' all, but OMG it's almost too much for the eyes to process.

It's also about visting the in-laws. Urban Dad's family is just about all well west of the Mississippi. And the longer I'm married to U-Dad, the more I get why he is in Chicago. And I get his boundary issues that mystified me when we first met. And five years later. And why he thinks Best Namma Ever!'s geneology project is nice 'n' all, but doesn't really get it.

First, let me excuse the FIL and his wife from this. They are lovely people.

Now, a sample of the weirdness......

BIL #2 lives just outside of Denver, has a nice house, works his ass off and has two kids. Just about three years ago, he and his wife divorced, as she decided to start sleeping with Neighbor Guy.

This unfolded after all of us having to play nicey-nice at a family Thanksgiving visit while I was out-to-here preggers with U-Kid 2. (a visit with a novella's worth of drama that resulted in U-Dad apologizing all over himself to me for bringing us out there in the first place because this crap always happens and his wife doesn't deserve it)

Did I mention that Neighbor Guy's ex-wife can have him tested before dropping off their kids in order to make sure that he's on his meds???????

So we arrive at BIL #2's house after a nearly five-hour drive from MIL's. He's not home. But he's left the house unlocked for us and will be there in ten minutes. We run in to find bathrooms, but aren't too sure about where to settle in.

BIL #2 arrives at home, but no kids. He's been at a bar listening to a local band. He's a divorced suburban dad looking down the barrel of 50yo, but hangs out in bars with sub-30yo's. Fancies himself quite the hipster re: the local music scene.

Anywhoooo, turns out that he still has to go get the kiddos. That he's never gone to the house where ex-SIL & Neighbor Guy live now, which is now about 20 minutes away. That his son and daughter have some rabbits that they've been wanting to show him.

That we all get to go.

Keeeee-Ryyyst. Are you kidding? We have to go to ex-SIL's and her luvah's house? And after five hours in the car with a 5 1/2 yo and a 2 1/2 yo, we get to drive more? To the woman who's known for screaming and throwing things during fights with him? And for dissing MIL in MIL's own home?

So off we go, following BIL #2. And following him. Across town. Up a mountain road. And up. And up.

U-Dad & I put on the annoying kids' music in order to distract the U-Kids and talk. Well, so that he could mutter expletives. He has nothing nice to say about ex-SIL. I just wanted to skip all of this and head to Denver to see our next set of friends. U-Dad commenced apologizing all over himself again and promising a hasty escape in 36 short (?) hours.

I'm going to demur from saying too much about where we finally arrived, lest I fully disclose the judge-y jerk that I may truly be at my very core.

But BIL #2's barefoot, dirty, long-tangly-haired son waved us over. We pulled over to the side of a busy, windy road in a wide spot just past a blind turn.

We meeted and greeted, made nicey-nice polite talk and ascended stone steps to the house. Turns out that the rabbits are up the hill some more. So we ascend exactly 37 rickety wooden steps with only a thin metal rail on one side. I carried U-Kid 2.

We made chit-chat while we carried on some weird, dysfunctional, unnecessary rendition of Of Mice & Men. Honestly, all I could hear in my head was a Lennie-like voice... "let's pet the rabbits, George. i wanna pet the rabbits..." BIL #2 had to shake hands with Neighbor Guy. I couldn't tell is he wanted the ground to swallow him up right there or if he wanted to break NG's neck with his bare hands. NG offers BIL #2 a beer, which he, of course, accepts.

We ooooh-ed and aaaaah-ed over the stupid rabbits. Ex-SIL offered us something to eat or drink. We declined. She ooooh-ed and aaaaah-ed over U-Kid #2, whom she had not met before that day, since she had kindly relieved us of her presence around the time of U-Kid #2's birth. She again offered us somthing to eat or drink. BIL #2 then disappeared into some other wooded area so the kiddos could show him some few surviving koi fish (seems the local raccoons have found them to be easy pickin's -- and hey, weren't we supposed to be seeing rabbits and leaving? remember the 2yo who's been in a car all day and is sans nap?) More idle BS chit-chat. Ex-SIL offers us something again. We resisted the urge to say, "seriously, do you not get that we do not want to be here? and why would you want us here? we've been dragged along to cover BIL #2's back and see the damn rabbits. can we go now?" But BNE! raised me right, so I remained polite.

We finally got the hell out of there (U-Dad carried U-Kid 2 back down the 37 Steps of Doom) and told BIL #2 that we should hit Noodles & Co since the kids are likely starving. We herded U-Dad's niece into our car and followed BIL #2 and his son. And followed him. And followed him to..... the trendiest part of town. On a Saturday night. U-Dad started muttering, "oh hayle no! we are not waiting for a table, waiting for menus, waiting to order, waiting for food and waiting for a check while listening to his damn bands and watch him drink. he can do whatever the hell he wants. we're going to Noodles & Co and putting U-Kid 2 to bed. this day needs to freakin' end already!"

Thank you, God, for Urban Dad. Yes, you gave me weird in-laws. But you gave me Urban Dad. YouDaMan, God.

U-Dad got out of our car, went to BIL #2's car and explained as much. We all headed to Noodles. As we went in, BIL #2 joked that we should send the kids in while we adults all go next to to the .... you guessed it .... bar. Frankly, I think BIL #2 was due some food in his stomach.

And Noodles worked out beautifully. Just as we were wrapping it up was when U-Kid 2 finally went over the edge and needed to be taken outside. I happily obliged.

And when we got back to BIL #2's house, I happily offered to put her to bed. Since it was a new place, I stayed with her til she was asleep. It took over an hour. (honest!!!)

When I emerged, BIL #2 had a beer in his hand.

And U-Dad's nephew proceeded to whine at me about U-Kid 1. He and U-Kid 1 can't stand each other. And Nephew has a way of approaching me with a friendly smile and nervous laugh as if he's just oh-so-puzzled by something as he tells me something that U-Kid 1 has done. And every single time, no matter what it is, I kindly tell that little punk-ass some perfectly good reason for my daughter's behavior. Because BNE! raised me right, I will not tell my husband's 9yo Grandma's-Golden-Boy-nephew to take his whiny passive-aggressive little attempt to snitch back to the TV room. I will wait at least a few more years for that.

Oh man, it is good to be home!

(We're considering going east next year.....)

Once More... With Feeling

2009-07-20T21:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, last post from the road. Actually found a hotel with a common computer! Very hard to find these days. But greetings on a dark and stormy night at the Super 8 in Salina, KS. We'll make it to the ever-lovin' arms of Best Namma Ever! tomorrow evening. I've been leery of posting from computers of friends, since this blog is my deeeeeep, darrrrrk secret, and ya never know what a 9-year-old knows about internet cookies.

More Cliff Notes:

The BIL outside of Denver... the "stable" one... gave us the most drama of the trip. The goofy BIL in AZ and the psycho MIL gave us no trouble. BIL #2 -- oh, wow -- rough start.

Yes, sports-fans, you'll have to return for the details.

On the upside, we connected again with Urban Kid 1's newly-moved-to-Denver buddy R. and her parents and little brother. They are such a cute, nice, young family. Man, am I going to miss them back in Chicago!

LP, in case you're stopping in......... I MISS YOU! We have MUCH to catch up on, many gory, gooey details.

Well, I'm hoping that I've stalled long enough to allow the U-Kids to fall asleep in the hotel room for U-Dad.

I'll try to start updating with details and even pictures once we're back in Chicago!

Another Road Trip Update

2009-07-17T12:22:00.003-05:00

My kingdom for a laptop!!! Ok, maybe a trade... anyone want to trade an Urban Kid for a laptop?

No, actually, it's been a good trip. Here are the Cliff Notes:

Albuquerque, where we did a fun place called Cliff's Amusement Park, the Zoo and the Aquarium. Good LORD was it hot there! The hottest place so far.

Off to Prescott Valley, AZ to see U-Dad's goofy brother. Two nights there.

Off to the Grand Canyon. God bless U-Dad's wonderful half-brother... he's in the travel industry and is somehow involved with the new Bing.com. He scored us a suite next door to the visitor center on the south rim -- for free! The GC itself was overwhelming. But U-Kid 1 was utterly terrified. And U-Kid 2 was scaring the hell out of me because she wasn't scared enough. Oh, and some poor soul went over the ledge in his car that morning, which kind of set me on edge a bit. But it is utterly fascinating. And we know that we'd like to go back in about five years and do the North Rim instead.

Off to Zion National Park, Bryce NP, Arches NP and now we are in Swanky Resort Town in Colorado. Remember U-Kid 1's friend R, whose pilot-parents decided to move from Chicago. Ever-so-coinicidentally, they were wrapping up a few days in SRT as we were coming in. We managed to connect for a few hours before they had to drive back to Denver and we had to go to the MIL's.

We'll stay here for another night, then head down to the Denver area. U-Dad's other brother is in that area, so we'll see him and the kids.

Then back to St. Louis to collapse on Best Namma Ever!'s floor.

We'll head back to Chicago whenever we feel like it from there.

It's nearly impossible to find a computer and time to use one -- I'm in an internet cafe now while U-Dad takes the U-Kids to the carwash. And just to add to the fun, our car charger for my cell phone crapped out. Luckily, we also brought U-Dad's phone, and his charger works. It's probably the most use that his phone has ever seen!

But the DVD player and the Leapster continue to work perfectly. Thank you, God!

Will post details and pictures as the rest of the summer unfolds. Hope that all is well in your worlds!

Road Trip Update

2009-07-08T17:21:00.002-05:00

Hi from Albuquerque, NM!

We started out on Monday from St. Louis and got as far as Joplin, MO. We stopped in Meramac Caverns in Stanton, MO. I remembered going there when I was a kid and being so amazed by it. But you know how when you go back to visit your elementary school, and everything seems to small? Similar thing. But it was still pretty cool. Overpriced for what it was, but nature does do her thing, and it is pretty neat.

We spent Tuesday going from Joplin to Amarillo, TX, stopping at the Cowboy Museum in Oklahoma City. U-Dad and I could have spent more time there. It was really interesting! But with two small kids, you do your thing and keep moving. Such is life.

We had Texas-shaped waffles in Amarillo this a.m. and are now at U-Dad's father's and stepmom's in ABQ. They have finally met Urban Kid 2! And U-Kid 1 and her grandma are getting re-aquainted fast.

The FIL and wife are very busy this time of year -- they sell shaved ice at festivals all over the area -- but we're wiggling in a little bit of their time. If we get really crazy, maybe we'll go work for them. I'm intrigued by the idea, but also hear Bon Qui Qui from MadTV saying, "but don't get crazy." (youtube it if you're unfamiliar. i would link, but am on the fly. worth the view, i promise!)

Ok, gotta run. More as I get time on a computer. Seems that hotels all offer free wi-fi because everyone today travels with a laptop, I guess. We're sooooo 2007.

I took the map off of the sidebar because it wasn't working to update it. Grumblegrumblegrumble.

Happy Summer!

Keeping Our Powder Dry

2009-07-05T16:08:00.004-05:00

Our week of squatting at Best Namma Ever!'s house is wrapping up here. Last night was the big fireworks blowout in front of her house. Urban Dad outdid himself and had a blast (sorry, I couldn't resist!) doing it. He's already planning for next year.

Pink Power Ranger's weenie boyfriend did not act in a weenie way. He displays well, so there's that. Our three generations of family are go-back-for-years friends with another family (also three generations) who came over for the night. This included a 14yo daughter, who is the Pied Piper to the Urban Kids. They followed her around adoringly, and she is always nothing but sweet to them. BNE! did burgers and hot dogs on the grill, everyone else brought something else, and we feasted and chatted. Of course, later on, Pied Piper Girl realized what time it was and that her friends were having a party. Without her. Then she went all teenager on us and wanted to leave right now, because after all, she has a life! (apparently the rest of us are mere shells of beings who bask in her aura? i can't wait to have teenagers.) We hurried through the last of the fireworks, but not so that PPG could look up from her texting long enough to check them out. It was because it started to rain. So towards the end, PPR and the guys -- under U-Dad's direction -- got soaked getting the big guns blown up. Half of the party had wandered inside, , PPG's mother was ready to kill her, I had no idea where U-Kid 2 was (well, i knew she was inside with about six other adults, so i figured she was fine), the front yard and street were trashed with debris and PPG's little brother was totally hopped up on sugar.

In other words, it was a truly fun and fantastic evening!

We've spent today cleaning the yard, the neighbor's yard, the street and the back yard while BNE! took U-Kid 1 to church. We've also done laundry, organized, packed and gone to Wally World (aka: Wal-Mart) to stock up on travel-sized items.

Hitting the road tomorrow a.m. and heading through Springfield, MO towards Oklahoma. I asked U-Dad today, "how far do you want to go tomorrow?" His reply: "Til we're done for the day," follwed by a shrug.

I love summertime!

Will post as we find hotels/motels/friends with computers.

But We Have To Apply For A Driver's License?

2009-07-02T16:39:00.004-05:00

Dy over at Classic Adventures gave me this idea for a post. You see, her son was having an allergic reaction of some kind, and she was feeling all bad for letting it go an extra day.

Make room on the Bad Parent Bench, Dy. I need to put my hiney on there, too.

You see, today U-Dad, the U-Kids & I got out of Best Namma Ever!'s hair and headed over to the local pool. There was a day care group there also, and a bit of a to-do when a lifeguard had to dive in after one of their kids who had gotten herself into a bit of trouble. Two other lifeguards ran over to Hero Lifeguard Guy to collect the little girl he plunked out of the water.

So here I am, back home, telling this story to BNE! as she made us waffles in her kitchen. The U-Kids were sitting at the kitchen island on the way-up-high chairs that are on one side. BNE! was across from them with the waffle iron, U-Dad was standing next to U-Kid 1.

Where was I? Standing next to U-Dad.

Wanna guess what happened to U-Kid 2? Yep, her arms started windmilling and *BAM* over she went onto the floor. She bonked her head, but landing on her left arm kept her from hitting it too hard. Then came the loooooong silence as she was scooped up. Followed by that piercing scream that cracks the windows. Then a few more screams.

Wanna guess what I was talking about when UK-2 toppled? I was complaining haughtily to BNE! about how those daycare workers were not watching their kids!

(UK2 is fine now)

How about the time when UK-1 was a baby, just shy of 1yo, in her crib. U-Dad was getting ready to go and came in to kiss me good-bye for the day. I had heard UK-1 coughing in her crib through the baby monitor, so I suggested that he not go back to kiss her good-bye. It would just fully wake her up, and poor me, I was sooooo tired and wanted to sleep a bit more.

When I woke up later, I was surprised at how quiet UK-1 was. I went back to her room to find her........

and her crib......

covered in hurl.

She had propped herself up into a far corner, the cleanest corner, and dozed off sitting up, trying to stay away from the nasty. (care to imagine the smell?)

Nope, never gonna forgive myself for that one!

How about the time that I was hurriedly slicing carrots, bang-bang-banging the big, sharp knife up and down on the cutting board, only to have UK-1 quietly come up next to me and reach for a carrot... putting her fingers UNDER the knife in her quest.

I didn't break the skin, but did come down on the fingers. I also screamed, reflexively threw the knife across the counter and grabbed UK-1 into my arms. We sat on the floor hugging while her mommy found her own heart thumping its way across the kitchen floor, forced it back into her chest and calmed herself enough to have the "don't reach onto the cutting board ever" talk with her daughter.

In fact, Dy, let me just nudge your Really A Good Parent hiney right off of there, while I take up this whole Bad Parent Bench. I seem to need room to stretch out.

Now, that all said, UK-1 and U-Dad are now out buying droves of fireworks. U-Dad involves our little cherub in this event pretty deeply. I warn him often that if we end up in the ER, that I am going to direct a humongous, high-velocity hissy fit right between his ~~legs~~ eyes.

Mama Bear is the only one allowed to mess up. Everyone else who messes up has to deal with Mama Bear!

Two Posts For The Price Of One! Flavor of the Month and Vacay Update

2009-07-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

Before I even begin this post, I need to take care of some business here... Flavor of the Month! And this month, it only makes sense for FOTM to be Urban Dad!

Gimme a break, you might say. So unoriginal!

Nay, but listen! July is Road Trip Month for the Urbans, and this only really works as well as it does because of Urban Dad!

First, he's a teacher. Hence, the time off.

Second, he's actually happy to hang out at Best Namma Ever!'s. He actually relaxes here. This, of course, tickles and delights BNE! to no end. You see, U-Dad is the one that finally convinced me to give her grandchildren. She loves U-Dad endlessly for that alone, plus all of his other qualities.

Third, he spent two straight days of our week alone in Chicago cleaning. Cleaning! He sent me out of the house in order to do it just how he wanted. Ladies, if you have to pick an extreme, go with the NeatFreak end of the spectrum!

Fourth, he reminds me to be nice to BNE!'s husband. He reminds me to pick my battles. He reminds me that I will not change anything, that I have a lot to do with our vacation remaining pleasant.

Fifth, he travels with two little girls and a wife with a bladder the size of a thimble. Potty stops do not phase him on a road trip. He's in no hurry.

Sixth, he tells me often that I am skinny, beautiful and brilliant.

Hey, wait! Don't change that channel!

Now for The Vacay Update Post:

Greetings from the Mothership in my hometown of St. Louis. Urban Dad & I ventured down here on Saturday and have been busy, busy, busy. So far, we have:

1. re-assumed responsibility of our children and even take them out of the house and out of Best Namma Ever!'s hair once in a while

2. re-assumed playing the heavy when the little angels get out of line. (i swear, Urban Kid 1 is five-going-on-thirteen)

3. had discussions with u-dad re: whether I am a hard-ass and whether he is a pushover.

4. had Urban Kid 2's half-birthday picture taken. We do a 1/2-birthday picture of her rather than a birthday picture because her actual birthday is December 31st. So we would have to go back about two weeks after the Christmas card picture was taken if we did the real one.

5. blown-up "warm-up" fireworks each evening.

6. listened to Pink Power Ranger discuss her now-lame boyfriend. I liked this boyfriend at first. Then I wondered. Now I don't like the weenie. They are moving in together, but now only kinda. And they're still dating, but now only kinda.

Yes, I'm rolling my eyes with confusion too. Pray for me on Saturday. He's coming over for the fireworks blowout, and I have to be nice to him. Because I love PPR. That's what I'll be repeating in my head: "love PPR, must be nice; love PPR, must be nice"

7. gone to the local swimming pool. My goodness, UK-2 loves the water! And truly, does anyone not have a tattoo anymore? Don't get me wrong -- live and let live and all that. But I'm feeling like I'm now the subversive one because I don't have one. Or ten.

8. discussed some more whether I am a hard-ass and whether U-Dad is a pushover.

9. renewed the wedding vows with U-Dad at BNE!'s church. She helped organize a "anyone who wants to can come and renew their vows" ceremony, so we joined the fun. BNE! got to see us married in a church (I'll dig up the whole story from a post long ago); Her Husband got to see us married at all; U-Dad & I had a lovely excuse to celebrate six years and eight months of wedding bliss. We also had a lovely excuse to go to dinner and drink the last bottle of wine that we brought back from Italy in April 2001, the year before we got married. (advice ladies: take the honeymoon first -- if you can travel with him, you can likely live with him.)

10. went to St. Louis' brand new Citygarden. Had a long chat with a St. Louis Post Dispatch reporter. Will bound out to the front yard tomorrow a.m. to check the paper to see if we're famous!

11. met my brother and SIL for ice cream and to catch up. This is my favorite brother, even though I'm not really supposed to have a favorite. But he's my favorite. And UK-1 adores her aunt. And oh-my-gosh is my SIL patient with a very-enthusiastically-affectionate 5yo.

More to come soon, as I get a moment here and there. It's hard to post when I'm simultaneously:
1. alone
2. focused
3. indoors
4. on a computer

Hope that all is well in your corner of the blogoverse!

Vacation, Part II

2009-06-27T08:40:00.000-05:00

Catch ya later, ladies and germs! Urban Dad & I are off to Best Namma Ever!'s house in St. Louis to re-unite with our children and to re-assume some sort of responsibility for them.

We will thank BNE! for her Grandma Camp services this week by blowing up her front yard on the 4th. (fireworks are legal in missouri.... urban dad loves that)

Our goal of the Annual Urban Family Road Trip after that is to get to the Grand Canyon. Then Bryce, Zion and all of those other amazing places in southern Utah.

Details as I can get them to you.

(remember, BNE! does not know of this blog...)

My kingdom for a laptop about now!

Happy Summer. Will try to pop 'round to your blogs now and then too!

Vacation, Part I

2009-06-25T22:46:00.007-05:00

Ok, it's been quite a week here! I haven't yelled at anyone in days, the Urbans have attempted to single-handedly re-start the economy by doing a bit of shopping and eating out, we've slept as late as we wanted, run by the Lake, worked out at the gym and opened more than one bottle of wine.

I also cleared off the camera, a task that has not been tackled since around Easter. If you're new around here, the rule for this blog is no pictures of us and no real names. So here's what I can show you from our camera clear-off

Urban Dad with Urban Kid 2. U-K2 likes to turn away when she sees a camera. If she would just look at me and smile, I would go away so much faster!

Urban Kid 1 Easter egg hunting in our back "yard" area:

Behold: the last Thin Mint cookie until next year..... *sigh* Yes, I consider that worthy of a picture....

From when I took the U-Kids to the Chicago History Museum. Sadly, we weren't allowed to photograph the really cool stuff. But the 1892 L car was kinda cool too!

I took this one at the Nature Museum in honor of June Cleaver A6P. Yep, it's a cougar! (giggle)
Miss you, June!!!!

I mentioned doing a bit of shopping, right? This was the bag of goodies from the Lucy store. I love the Lucy store. Great Mom Clothes. I live in this stuff. All but one item was on sale, too!
We also hit the Puma store. I didn't set out to have a slowly but steadily expanding collection of Pumas, but it's sort of happened over the last few years. And they're having a deal right now where if you take in an old pair of sneakers (Puma or not), you get 30% off a new pair of Pumas. U-Dad kindly sacrificed two pairs of his old sneakers so that I could score these

and these:
I got some pretty big-girl dressy dresses too, but don't have pictures yet. And we're packing to hit the road tomorrow, so that'll have to keep for a while.

I still have a fridge to clear of food so that we don't come back needing to sport biohazard suits before opening it again.

I think Urban Dad wants to take advantage of a last opportunity for privacy that we'll have for a long while too.

More soon! (but not about that last part)

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

I love this video almost as much as I love Urban Dad.

All Hail Urban Mom's Peeps!

2009-06-19T21:07:00.004-05:00

I have been blessed with two amazing people in my world.

Ok, more than two. Which means that I'm living under a lucky star that -- trust me here -- I do not deserve.

But the two that I'm talking about today are Best Namma Ever! and Pink Power Ranger.

If you're new around here, get to know PPR here.

First, BNE!. She is the only functioning player in The Grandma Game for the Urban Kids. And she embraces the role whole-heartedly. She has all of the wisdom, fun, creativity, nurturing, energy and discipline that a good grandma should have. But without the flyswatters that she went through with PPR and me. (ppr used to stash them under the fridge so that bne! couldn't find them; i can only imagine what the people who eventually moved that fridge must have thought!)

She has also agreed to take the Urban Kids for a week of Grandma Camp.

Second is PPR. She has the same wisdom, fun, creativity, nurturing, energy and discipline, plus she carries handcuffs and has access to all kinds of bizarre videos that will make you never, ever, ever even think of taking drugs, not so much as an aspirin, ever again. She also has a pretty wicked sense of humor. What you're thinking? Yeah, she'll say it. Usually when you have a mouthful of martini, thus making you nearly spray it all out, while she laughs at you trying to not waste perfectly good vodka.

She has agreed to meet us in Springfield to collect the U-Kids and drive them the rest of the way to BNE!'s.

And she doesn't consider babysitting for BNE! a couple of times to be "babysitting." She considers it "hanging out with my nieces" and helping out BNE! to boot.

Her offer to meet us in Springfield will save Urban Dad and me no less than four hours of drive time tomorrow.

Now, it's time to try to use that math that always messed me up in school. Remember those word problems? Here's the one I'm working on....

If the Urban Family leaves Chicago and gets on I-55 towards St. Louis at 8:00am going at about the speed limit, it will take them 4 to 4 1/2 hours to reach Springfield, Illinois.

PPR will be traveling from just west of St. Louis towards Springfield. She will have absolutely no concern for getting a speeding ticket and is excited to see her nieces. What time should she leave her house?

You'll have to forgive me if I blog a bit unreliably next week. U-Dad & I have a long list of things to do around here: go through closets, watch movies, eat the fridge and pantry empty before we all go on vacation, go through toy boxes, organize drawers.... oh, and we plan to do most of it drunk and nekkid.

I love Grandma Camp!

And it wouldn't be possible without the Peeps!

Conversations Around Here

2009-06-18T21:48:00.002-05:00

As Urban Dad & I are dozing off, just about to drop off to sleep.....

U-Dad: You're the best, you know that? You're the best mom ever.

Me: Nuuuuuh, I doubt it. I get too mad.

U-Dad: It's okay to get mad. You're still the best.

Me: Thanks, but I'm no Ma Ingalls....

(pause. i'm juuuuuust about asleep.)

U-Dad: Please. She probably beat the crap out of all of her kids.

Me: (pause. then fits of giggling that one gets when one is just about to fall asleep and then has a bizarrely absurd picture in her head)

U-Dad: (fits of giggling because of my giggling)

Both: (giggling and laughing)

Both: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

___________________________________________________________________

During intermission at M-Pop

(I had initially expressed concern that the understudy was performing for our Saturday matinee. No need for concern, however; her voice was better than the one on the soundtrack that we purchased.)

Me: {Urban Kid 1}, I'm sorry that I had to keep shushing you, but you can't really talk during the show itself. So tell me the questions that you had.

U-K1: Well, if that's not usually Mary Poppins, then how can she be magic? I mean, does she just get to be magic for a little bit of time and then she isn't magic anymore after the show?

Me: Oh, ummm, those are effects. Like when Mary snaps her fingers and a light turns on? The guy who controls the lights turns them on when she does that, so that it looks like she did it by snapping her fingers.

U-K1: Ohhhhhhhh.....

She seems content after this explanation, but I kind of wonder if I've ruined something. But again, she sobbed her sweet little soul out when M-Pop did the big fly-away exit at the end, so it still seemed all real enough after all, I guess.

__________________________________________________________________

At the Chicago History Museum a few weeks ago: (backstory -- after a loooonngggg winter of watching HGTV, U-K1 wants to be a decorator)

In a bathroom stall:

U-K1: I don't have to go.

Me: Just go.

U-K1: I don't have to go!

Me: Just try. It's been a long time and there's one here, so go.

U-K1: Does it flush by itself? I don't like the ones that flush by themselves. They're too loud.

U-K2: Too wowed! (hands over ears)

Me: No, it doesn't flush by itself. Look, there's the handle right there. Now get up there.

U-K1: I don't have to go.

Me: For God's sake, it's been since breakfast. It's now lunchtime. You must have to go. Now go! (yes, i am the potty-nazi)

U-K1 gets situated, goes like Niagra Falls, looks around the stall. It's the handicapped stall so that I can trail two small kids into it with me, so she has lots of room to look around. And then up.

U-K1: Hey, I really like the crown molding in here!

Me: The what?

U-K1: The crown molding. Look at it up there. It looks really good in here, dontcha think?

Me: (looking around) You noticed the crown molding? Really?

U-K1: Uh-huh. It's pretty cool, isn't it? I like crown molding. I think I'll put it in my bathroom when I grow up and have my own place someday.

Me: Crown molding?

U-K1: Yes, wait until I can move over there and cover my ears.

(She moves to the corner of the stall with U-K2; they proceed to each cover their ears like two little statues of Hear No Evil)

(flush)

U-K2: Toooo wowd!!!

Catching Up Cliff Notes

2009-06-15T21:50:00.006-05:00

Woah! Where did I go?

Sorry to have bailed out like that. I haven't taken any spontaneous, exotic adventures or anything like that. It's just been, well, busy. Not crazy busy. Kind of fun busy. But busy.

I don't think I can do a full update, but here are some highlights. (you stopped by, so i figure you're at least a little interested)

1. School is OUT for Urban Dad! He is officially ours until September.

2. He was voted by the students Teacher of the Year for the third year in a row. For the third year in a row, he did not tell me; my friend (& U-Dad's colleague) L had to send me the text. Care to guess how long Great Big Urban High School has had the students vote for the Teacher of the Year? Yuh-huh... three years.

3. I took Urban Kid 1 to see Mary Poppins before it leaves Chicago. This was actually Best Namma Ever!'s treat. I wish I'd matched BNE!'s funds and gotten us closer. But we were there, and U-K1 loved it. At the end of the show (SPOILER ALERT, PEOPLE), M-Pop flies away over the audience and into the sky. U-Kid 1 sobbed her eyes out! Sobbed! As the lights came up and people filed out, I was stuck in my chair holding a 5 1/2yo who was absolutely disintegrating over M-Pop leaving the Banks family. So we were one of the last people out of the theater, out of the bathroom, mine was the last coat in coat-check... But the music was great, the big numbers were indeed huge, and it was well worth it. I don't care if you have kids or not -- go see this if you get a chance. Trust me, M-Pop is one cool beeyotch.

4. I got certified to climb at our gym's climbing wall. My friend Julie did the class with me, so now we can belay each other now and then. And I can belay U-K1, who has recently discovered that she loves to climb the wall. And who gets pretty high! Oh, did I mention that I'm scared to death of heights? Yep. Great sport for me to check out, huh? Thank God, Julie is so, so patient. It's a fun activity -- breaks up the routine, lets me do strength work without venturing into the weight room. But man, it is hell on a manicure!

5. I watched Liam Neeson in "Taken" a few nights ago. Oh Man! Who knew that Liam could make Jack Bauer look like a sissy! Nope, no moral-relativism-struggling-with-do-the-ends-justify-the-means crap from Liam. I barely blinked the last half of the film, found myself yelling, "kill him! KILL HIM!" towards the end... oh, and Liam's voice. That voice. Oh yeah, very satisfying 90 minutes.

6. U-K1 go to have a sleepover with her soon-to-be-moving NBF. When I was out running today (yes, I ran outside... by that big blue thing I hear people talking about... I love summer!), I saw the moving truck at NBF's building and felt sad for U-K1. The moving truck pulls out tomorrow. *sigh* I didn't breathe a word of the truck to U-K1. I'm hoping that a very busy summer will cushion the event for her.

7. U-Dad suggested we hire a babysitter (a babysitter!!!!!) last night and catch up with our friends L&A for pizza and wine. Oh yeah, summer is sooooo gooooood! Eating outside on a Sunday night, plus wine. L&A are teachers at GBUHS too, so we were all celebrating the summer. We spent more on the babysitter (a babysitter!!!!!!) than on the actual meal, but who cares! Well worth it.

I love this time of year.

Don't be a stranger! I'll try to do the same.....

Dear Leafy Suburban Elementary School

2009-06-08T18:50:00.003-05:00

Remember when I told you that Best Namma Ever! and I took the Urban Kids to the Nature Museum? We went last Thursday; Thursday afternoon, I typed up this letter and sent it to the principal of the elementary school emblazoned on all of their millions of t-shirts swarming the place.

Dear Ms. Principal Lady:

I have just returned from an outing with my two children to the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum, where we encountered your first graders. We left the Nature Museum when we realized that the behavior of your students would not allow us to enjoy our own visit.

Our encounter with your students began in the Butterfly Haven, where the Museum employee had to repeatedly and emphatically tell the children to get off of the various ledges. I had to wonder at why he had to keep doing this and why your school's adults were not on top of this.

Knowing that we were hopelessly outnumbered and that your adults were not interested in controlling their students, we spent much of our time trying to avoid your group as we went through other exhibits.

We finally ended up on the first floor in a play area designed for small children. However, our enjoyment there was short-lived, as droves of your students soon descended upon the area. Your students came into an area that was being enjoyed by very small children and their caregivers. Your students soon took over and showed very little regard for those smaller than themselves. For example, my 2 1/2 year-old and another little girl had been enjoying a slide, one designed for children about their age. Your students, however, shoved by them in such numbers that they were soon in a corner, confused and unable to wrangle a turn from the group towering around them.

I waited for an adult, any adult, from your school to intervene. I waited for an adult, any adult, from your school to look into the play area to check in on the students. This was not to be. The adults from your school were not interested in chaperoning their students. Nor were they interested in noticing that each and every caregiver of a smaller child was collecting their charges and getting out of there. No, your school's adults were outside of the play area, where they were huddled together deep in conversation. Apparently, they believed this play area, perhaps the entire museum, to have been appropriated for their exclusive use today? (I finally stepped in to play "traffic cop" on behalf of the smaller children.)

I take my children around the city to various museums throughout the year. Inevitably, we encounter school groups. I tend to keep my distance from these groups until I can get a read on how well the adults are handling their group. I have noticed that the city school's students are very often the most closely and strictly supervised; they are also the best-behaved and pleasant to be around.

Your students today acted as a large group of antsy first-graders will do. Your chaperoning adults, however, have succeeded only in denigrating your school.

As a former teacher married to a seventeen-year veteran of the Chicago's {Great Big Urban} High School, I see your trip today as a very sad way to end your school year.

Thank you for your time,
-Urban ~~Beyotch~~ Mom

I then called the Nature Museum and found out who is in charge of school groups, then forwarded the letter to him with a delightful note to him praising his staff for their hard work despite Leafy Suburban School's roughshod behavior. My hope is that if the principal actually gives a rat's patootie and calls the museum about any Crazy Lady's Complaints that he will find me to be the Nice & Smart Lady.

For the record, I did get a return note from the principal at 8:45 that night thanking me for my letter, assuring me that she would investigate what happened and apologizing if her students interfered with my visit.

I've yet to hear anything more, but don't much care now. I got it off my chest.

(Tell me again why I need the schools to teach my kids how to socialize?)

Favors and Flavor

2009-06-07T18:36:00.005-05:00

Sorry, it's been a while. Best Namma Ever! came to stay for a few days. Since she doesn't know of this humble blog and stays in the same room as the computer, I bail out when she visits.

Before I go on: Uptown Girl -- I really did try to type out how to strike out a word. I thought that since I'd done it under the "Compose" tab that it would show exactly what I had typed out and not take as code. But it did take as code, which means that it looked like some sort of obnoxious blow-off when it published. And I didn't look very closely at the published post for a while. Sorry about that!

On another note, BNE! & I took the Urban Kids to the Nature Museum. Outings are always easier when you aren't outnumbered. But more on that tomorrow. Because it turned into blog material.

And with BNE! here, Urban Dad & I were able to go out for a long walk on one of the rare nice evenings here in Chicago. Yes, people, it's still cold here. I knew we were going to pay for that balmy, beautiful Halloween! But we managed to get an evening where we needed only one jacket to be warm, so off we went for a few hours.

And finally, Flavor of the Month. I know, I know. "Hey, Val, no time like whenever!" And to that I reply, "Better late than pregnant!" Besides, this is a Bad Guy Flavor of the Month. So I feel justified in being late for it since he's bad. He doesn't deserve a whole month. So there. I've rationalized the missing of my own deadline. Besides, what's the fun of creating your own deadline if you can't then blow it off?

As many of you know, I've been doing my dreaded arm work while making my way through Season 7 of "24." And that Jack was last month's Flavor of the Month.

This month, it's Tony. After the dreck that was Season 7, can you blame me? He was the most interesting character in the show! I mean, is he a bad man with a flicker of good left in him that's trying to stay alight? Is he a good man driven to the brink of all-out badness? Is he going to be seen in a towel again? And why can't I find that image anywhere on the internet?

In past seasons of "24," my opinion of Tony was.... meh. But he's lost the Breck girl hair, wears black all of the time and always looks like he smells something bad. And I am completely weirding myself out that he's grown on me over the last few weeks!

But I'm not entirely convinced about what team Tony plays on. No, I don't mean the "is he good or bad" question that was so carefully -- and repeatedly -- laid out of us. But living in Chicago's "Boys' Town" neighborhood, I've gotten to the point where I see things that may (or may not) be there. (notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat!)

For example:

Where exactly is Tony's left hand?

And then maybe this?

This kinda made me wonder:

And this:

And this finally gave me enough material to do this silly post:

So what can I say? It's 2009 in America, guys! Own it!

Can you tell that Season 7 aggravated me?

But it was interesting that it was much about Tony as any other character. And that he might be back. I was satisfied with how the story ended (for now) with him. But frankly, he looked like he might be fun to take for a spin first.

Weird.

Luckily, We Use Citrus-Scented Cleaners

2009-06-02T18:51:00.007-05:00

I was so efficient today. I had a moment of peace... Urban Kid 2 was parked in front of Blues Clues learning about numbers. Urban Kid 1 was down the street at a playdate. So I grabbed every bit of produce from the fridge and chopped up an amazing...and very large...salad and put it into the fridge for when my beloved Urban Dad came home.

Fast forward about an hour:

U-K 1 has been collected. U-K 2, who did not nap today so is nothing but love and sunshine, is fiddling around in the fridge while U-Dad chats with her.

Then THUDSPLAT!

Piles of beautiful salad all over the bottom of the fridge and even more piled up on the kitchen floor.

*sigh*

This is why it's good to live with a neat freak. And ooooooh man, is Urban Dad a neat freak. I'm more of a "tidy, but lived-in" kinda gal. He seems to think that Architectural Digest might happen by with a photographer.

But he's the one who cleans the kitchen floor.

You know where I'm going with this, right?

And I'm only telling you this because it's a pretty anonymous blog.

Yes, U-Dad piled the food back into the bowl. And served it up.

So when someone says to us, "he's such a neat-freak that you could eat right off of his kitchen floor!"..... Well, yeah, you could.

(PS: Best Namma Ever! is coming tomorrow for a few days. Guess what U-Dad is doing? Cleaning! So I better scoot off of the computer, lest he see me goofing off.)

;-)

(PPS: Uptown Girl: to strike out a word, go to Edit HTML tab, go to the word you want to strike out and do this: ~~WORD~~ Enjoy!)

The Devil Keeps Making Me Do It

2009-06-01T15:06:00.004-05:00

If by Devil, I mean June Cleaver After A Six Pack.

I've never been so happy with such a bad influence! Keep it' coming, June! Oh, how I wish we were neighbors. How I wish you and yours were my neighbors instead of the weirdo guy with the yappy dogs.

I love June's blog. And today I was especially stoked because she posted not only all sorts of naughty-thought-inducing pictures of Yes-I'm-Legal-Robert, but the trailer of New Moon, as well.

I'm suddenly believing that being a giggly, simpering 12-year-old is a good thing.

However, that said, I've also come across this video:

Please Robert and the rest of the cast... please just stand around and look pretty. Please don't ruin it by talking. Got that? No more talking. Robert, shirt off anytime. But do not make me acknowledge the reality that you are actually just a goofy actor who was blessed with beyond-deserved genes. Just keep your mouth shut, Robert.

Unless, of course, you're....

Oh, never mind.

Stick A Fork In Me...

2009-05-31T22:20:00.005-05:00

I'm DONE!

As I mention over there on the left, Urban Dad & I have opted to homeschool our munchkins. We don't know for how long -- I figure "until I'm in over my head." 'Cause let's face it. We can say we're homeschooling all we want. But the fact is that I'm the one here while U-Dad is at Great Big Urban High School for upwards of twelve hours a day, where he is loved and adored by all of his students. Seriously, his homeroom kids are gone already, because they are Seniors. They came back on Friday, his birthday, to give him a cake that said, "To The Greatest Man On Earth."

Seriously, what is that like? 'Cause me? I'm the b*tch that Urban Kid 1 puts up with until U-Dad comes back.

Ok, no, it's not that bad. I exaggerate. Well, most days anyway.

But we're in a weird phase right now where every.little.freakin'.thing is an argument. Honestly, if I suggest that the sky is blue, she'll argue about it. That the left shoe should go on the left foot? Fight. That we need to be somewhere by 10am and need to get gathered? It's, "I'm not going." Five going on thirteen. (What the hell am I supposed to do at thirteen?)

It's not like I'm doing a full day of school with her. I don't figure that we're "officially" homeschooling until September, when her peers all head off to Kindergarten and it's the U-Kids and me, still in our pajamas. So we do some stuff. All that stuff listed over there? We don't do it all each and every day.

But wow, lately doing a bit of math is like asking her to present a survey of the Jacobian Conjecture (yes, that's a real thing! no, i've no idea what it is!). And it ultimately ends with her exclaiming that what this math sheet really means is that she is the most unloved 5yo ever born. And when I took this kind of "Don't Bother Trying With Me, Lady, I'll Hate It All" attitude when teaching, at least I could send them away after an hour, and I got paid at the end of the day!

Do you remember how exciting it was with the new school year? All of your new outfits and pencils and folders and the Trapper Keeper? (What would I give to get a Trapper Keeper today?)

And how by the end of the year you couldn't get out of there fast enough?

Guess where Urban Kid 1 is right now? Guess where her mom is?

The stuff that we outsource is winding down, which helps. Art has wrapped up, except for one class. U-Kid 1, bless her dramatic little heart, has opted to give her last class to her little sister so that we can see if she might like to do Art too when we return in the Fall. Spanish has ended. Now I have to ~~stalk~~ get in touch with U-Kid 1's BFF for playdates, but that's ok. Soccer ends this week for the Spring session. We'll pick up the Summer session, but that's cool. It's outside, and Urban Dad can take her sometimes. And believe me, he will. Piano ends in a few more weeks.

We just might make it.

Despite my whining, I love what we've opted to do here. It's working out well -- U-Kid 1 can't go to Kindergarten; she's well past K-level work! And Urban Dad is supportive and helpful and throws himself straight into the fray as soon as he hits the door. Evenings and weekends, I can almost fade into the background and re-group while he takes them for walks and cleans and feeds and gives baths and does bedtimes (it's all total p*rn for women... and it works).

But right now, I'm done. D. U. N.

(btw, tomorrow is the free day at the chicago history museum. guess where the u-kids & i are heading?)

It's Time To Turn OFF THE TV

2009-05-26T17:23:00.000-05:00

As you know, I'm currently plowing my way through all of the episodes of "24" that I've stacked up on the DVR since "Redemption" was on last November. And that my arms hurt.

And I have a confession to make:

Every time I see this guy... which is often during this particular stretch...

All I can think is that he looks like this guy.

So this brings me to a few conclusions:

1. These two were possibly separated at birth.

2. I am watching too much "24."

3. I am watching too much "Blues Clues."

4. I need to get back to that book that I was reading (Crichton's "State of Fear")

5. My brain hurts.

6. My arms hurt.

2009-05-25T23:06:00.001-05:00

Remember when I presented Jack Bauer as May's Flavor of the Month?

And my plan to do arm exercises as I worked my way through Season 7 of 24?

I enhanced the plan a bit. I have to give props -- I got a lot of this idea from Blogs4Bauer.com. Here's how I'm playing now:

I must do either a tricep dip or a (shudder) push-up (gag!) each and every time Jack Bauer does any of the following:

Says, "Dammit!"

Says, "We Don't Have Time," "There Isn't Time," or something to that effect

Kills someone.

Says, "Drop the weapon," "Put down the gun," or something to that effect

(remember that scene in the prequel Redemption where he pleaded with the little boy to put down the gun...? i was begging Jack to shutup already!)

Apologizes for anything.

Says, "NOW!"

Uses or threatens to use "enhanced interrogation."

Any product placement (but only the first time we see it per episode; i'm only human here)

Can I just add that if he headbutts someone that I will voluntarily do five extra??

I'm about 7 or 8 hours into this endeavor. And can I just say, "C'mon Jack... lighten up. Can't we all just get along? You're killin' me here!"

Do They Still Make Sun-In?

2009-05-24T22:23:00.005-05:00

Oh Good Lord, have I been a lazy blogger! I can only do a fraction of the justice that the various this-and-that's actually deserve, but we'll just do a Cliff Notes of what's important.

Namely: I will not be as blonde as I should be this summer. And that's ok. I can white-knuckle it. (For now.) You see, I had a hair appointment on Saturday morning with Lee the Hair Whisperer. As such, I was hunting down videos for Urban Kid 1 that don't make my skull split for one reason or another (another post). And reminding Urban Dad over and over and over again that I would take U-Kid 1 off his hands for the morning, but he was on the hook with U-Kid 2.

Backstory time: Lee the Hair Whisperer has been preggers of late. This was quite a surprise to her since 1.) she's 46 and 2.) she wasn't actively trying to get preggers. In fact, when she missed a period, she thought she was starting menopause. The baby's father immediately started e-mailing her links to abortion clinics. When she made it clear that she was thrilled to have and raise this baby, with or without him, he became The Invisible Man. So she's been on her own. Not only has she handled this well, she's straight-up embraced the entire challenge. I'm in awe of this woman.

Knowing her due date, I made an appointment for a month before. And another for soon after her return. Starting on Wednesday, I was counting the hours until I could joyfully sit in her chair, drop some earphones onto U-K 1 and gossip heartily while Lee worked her magic.

But on Wednesday night, Lee went into sudden labor, as in massively hemorraging. Thirty minutes later, she was in emergency surgery, delivering a beautiful baby girl appropriately named Grace. They both nearly returned to their Creator as a package deal, but are doing much, much better now. Little Grace came in at 6 lbs, 2 oz and is doing a little time in an incubator to make sure that her lungs are good and ready for The Big World. If she's anything like her mom, she'll be good at working the chat, so let's get those lungs up for what's coming!

But yeah, Lee was a little tied up on Saturday a.m.

It's hair, people. Although I occasionally toy with the idea of renaming this blog Urbane Mom, I'll never be that bad.

BTW, meet Grace:

Gorgeous hair, of course.

London Calling

2009-05-19T08:14:00.006-05:00

A postcard arrived in Urban Dad's mailbox at Great Big Urban High School yesterday with a picture very similar to this on the front:

The following was written on the back:

Hello! From London! Your favorite English student is exploring the world. I'm working in London as a tour guide. It's fun and I love it! I travel a lot in between. It's amazing meeting so many people from all over the world. I'm booking an around the world ticket in Sept. and moving to Australia! Thanks for telling us to get out there and see the world! Best advice ever!

(little drawn heart) Beata

YouDaMan, Urban Dad! YouDaMan!!

Breaking the News to Urban Kid 1

2009-05-15T22:03:00.002-05:00

Two nights ago, it was beautiful in Chicago. Urban Kid 1 was comfortable running around in capris and a tank top, steadfastly refusing her mother's offers to grab her a jacket. Urban Dad ~~finally already!!~~ got home ~~waaaaay late~~ from another long day at Great Big Urban High School. We piled the U-Kids into the CR-V and headed to Evanston to Gigio's, a nothing little pizza joint that U-Dad has strangely liked for twenty-odd years.

U-Dad & U-Kid 1 began negotiating for chocolate ice cream with sprinkles, because on a beautiful night in Chicago -- especially one of the first ones that comes paired with long hours of evening light -- bedtimes becomes more of a philosophical idea than a concrete reality.

Well, for U-Kid 2, it was a concrete reality. We parked near the apartment, off-loaded the off-spring and headed towards the door. Except that U-Kid 1 had nailed down a deal of some sort for chocolate ice cream with sprinkles. (u-dad needs nary a Push before he falls right Over, in my humble opinion) So I took U-Kid 2 in for her Evening Toilette and left U-Dad with this instruction:

I'm The Bad Guy all day long. You get to tell her about R moving to Colorado this summer.

He willingly obliged, God love 'im.

Seems that they sauntered down the block -- well, he sauntered, U-Kid 1 hitched a ride on his shoulders. And as they motored down the sidewalk, he told her the news. And we learned that U-Kid 1 not only has a heart -- a sweet, giving, wonderful heart --but that it can be broken.

Her first reply was, "my first two best friends have moved away!"

(reminder: young M left for Vegas about a year and a half ago. U-K 1 still talks about her.)

So they got the ice cream at our regular spot and sat at a table outside. U-K 1 wasn't interested in staking out her own chair or initiating conversations with passers-by (puh-leeze don't let anyone tell you this Chatty Cathy homeschooled kid isn't socialized) or working U-Dad for another fun stop along the way home. She just sat in his lap and let him hold her.

Since then, she's been out of sorts. She just seems sad. I try to pull her out and ask her what's on her mind, but she ~~practices for adolescence by saying~~ just says, "nothing" or "I don't know." She's just not her bright-eyed, upbeat self. Occasionally, she'll ask why R is moving. I tell her that R's mom and dad made a decision to head out there. I'm trying to make it clear that this move is not any kind of comment on R or U-K 1 or their friendship. And when she asks why R's mom and dad want to go to Colorado, I'm not sure what to say. It's pretty in the mountains, and they can afford to buy an actual house with an actual yard and live on one salary so that when R's dad is furloughed from United, he can stay home with the kids for a few years because R has some sort of epilepsy and they want one parent to be home and not travelling for work? Seems a bit heavy to lay on a 5yo, huh?

Our hope is to keep her busy this summer. We'll skip town for a stretch. And then try to keep putting her in front of friends who are actually physcially here.

In the meantime, lots of hugs (she's become a touch clingy the last few days), an extra chapter or two of the bedtime book, me trying to keep my patience a little longer, etc. And tracking down R for playdates.

I'm open to suggestions for anything else, too!

Adventures in Potty Training

2009-05-12T15:11:00.003-05:00

So we've been trying to get Urban Kid 2 trained. And "Green Eggs & Ham" has become a favorite read while having a sit-down in "the powder room." Of course, nothing happens until ten minutes after we finally wrap it up and move on with the day. But my point is this:

As I read GEH to U-Kid 2, this is the voice that I hear in my head. (u-dad suggests that this alone is reason enough to never again pick up the book) See if you can tell who it is.

(for you young'uns out there, this is from way back when snl was funny)

And as long as we're exploring the weird voices in my head as I cheerily read GEH for the twelve-hundredth time while waiting ~~bored out of my mind~~ patiently for a 2yo to do something on the potty, I can't help but be reminded of this old e-mail that was going around a while back:

Children's Books That Never Quite Made It:

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Dad's New Wife Robert
Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
You Were an Accident
Your Nightmares Are Real
You're Different, and That's Bad

This is why it's good that kids can't hear their parents' thoughts, huh?

And yeah, it's gonna be good for everyone if U-Kid 2 gets the hang of the process pretty soon.....

Urban Mom Strikes Again!

2009-05-11T21:17:00.004-05:00

I have an amazing talent. And if you & I should ever meet and hit it off IRL, it's one you should certainly know about.

I make people move. As in, far away.

Seriously, you want to connect sometime and have a drink? Great! But let me warn you that you will need to pick up moving boxes on the way home.

My most recent recipient of this talent is Urban Kid 1's little buddy "R." R's dad is a pilot for United; her mom is a pilot for UPS. I met R's mom at the playground one day as our daughters played together. She had a new baby boy in her arms, and the loneliness was radiating off of her like a painful sunburn -- they had moved here about 15 minutes after the new baby came. Since then, we've become friendly, able to chat away a workout at the gym or a few hours at the playground. U-Kid 1 loves going to R's for a playdate. She adores R and thinks that R has the coolest mom evah.

But R's dad is a pilot for United who knows that he will be furloughed (aka: downsized, right-sized, let-go, laid-off, shown the door, don't let the doorknob hitcha where The Good Lord splitcha, etc.) in September. However, he can get a free move out of United if he does it really, really soon. A $30,000 value! This led to R's mom and dad discussing various places they could live and raise the kids.

Did they settle on Chicago? No.

The outskirts of Denver.

And they've already bought a place and are looking to move soon.

So while U-Dad's brother and his two kids live near Denver, and so we may see R and her family again in the future, let's face it: we won't see them at the school playground, or the gym, or the park or anywhere else but on Facebook now and then.

About a year and a half ago, U-Kid 1's friend M moved to Las Vegas. Her very-cool mom met a very-cool man who lives in Las Vegas. So off they went to make a very-cool family. (details here)

U-Kid 1 still talks about M. And young M and her very-cool mom will visit this summer. (ohpleasegod be when we are in town and not during our annual road trip!!) But still. The day-to-day encounters continue to be missed.

Being a homeschool mom, I don't take connections like this lightly. I don't mess around with U-Kid 1's schedule so that she can have regular groups that she sees. If she hits it off with someone, I make sure to connect with that kid. For example, she has a best-buddy in Spanish class (backstory here), who also lives in the South Loop -- inconveniently located for someone between Wrigley Field & the Lake. But I plan to exchange info with her babysitter before summer comes and catch up. And hopefully the girls can be in Spanish together again come Fall.

Oh, and about me making people move.

One wonderful lady moved to Atlanta. Something about her doctor-husband getting a grand opportunity there or some blah-blah-blah.

Another went to St. Louis, via a stint in Portland, Oregon. (yeah, she's in St. Louis, so I can catch up to her now when I visit Best Namma Ever! and Pink Power Ranger, but still..... not local anymore)

Anne is heading back east.

She introduced me to an interesting fellow-mom once. But before I could even get the friendship off the ground, she was off to Utah. Something about her husband and his job. Blah-blah-blah.

Another friend went to San Diego.

Yet another went to Minneapolis.

George went back to New Jersey.

I even sent a doctor back home to Michigan!

Seriously, is it me?

'Cause I'm getting a complex here.

And the effect is rubbing off. Urban Dad found a rare jewel in the English Department at Great Big Urban High School -- a teacher who he actually likes and enjoys chatting with. Yep, she's applying to teach for a Department of Defense school in Japan and asked him to write a reference letter.

The poor Urban Kids. They don't stand a chance if this keeps up!

Oh, and I expect that U-Kid 1's Spanish Class Buddy will up and move to Melbourne or some other far-flung place. Call it Waiting for the Next Shoe To Drop.

*sigh* Throw some prayers and happy vibes this way. I'm going to need to tell U-Kid 1 about little R bailing out soon.

Cringe.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-09T22:34:00.004-05:00

Yeah, it's made the rounds for a couple of years, and everyone has seen it. But this always makes me giggle stupidly (i know, short trip). I think it's because we all know families like this -- where you couldn't get more different people out of the same set of parents. Pink Power Ranger & I are an excellent example. Luckily, we use our powers for the forces of good! And the guys in this particular video really remind me of the sons of the Urban Kids' Godparents. It's like looking into a crystal ball into the future for their kids.

Enjoy the love!

(and yes, i've been a lazy blogger lately. workin' on it!)

Flavor of the Month for May

2009-05-03T19:17:00.007-05:00

Remember how I intro'd the Flavor of the Month feature by kicking out my former bad-ass spy, but now totally wussed-out Eurotrash ex-TV Boyfriend?

Time to move on to a new bad ass, this one All-American.

(Whatcha got there in your pocket, Jack? Probably your cell phone. Need help fishing around in there? I'm here to help. I like to help.)

Jack Bauer. Saving the world, once again.

(Tell me, Valerie, do you want me to bring you sushi? Spring rolls? A burrito from Chipotle? Tell me, I have to know, dammit! I live to make you happy!)

Now May is the perfect time for him to be Flavor of the Month here. You see, every year I record all of the episodes of "24" and then gorge myself on them, burning through them all in about two weeks. I just cannot wait a week between episodes. I'm like this with many things. Urban Dad has to hide Christmas presents that come in the mail because I can't wait until the 25th to open them. Any time of the year, I barely have the UPS package signed for and I'm tearing into it. Even if I'm the one who ordered it and know exactly what is in it.

(Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.)

(Does something feel strangely Freudian about this picture? Or is it just me? Have I sunk to a new level of weirdness? Probably....)

The 8th season of "24" ends in May. I can finally start digging into my delicious TV treat!

(The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.)

Lest I feel too lazy lying on the floor or sprawled across the couch burning through the DVR, I have found yet another way for Jack Bauer to satisfy me. (no, i did not share a first way; you're an intelligent adult -- figure it out)

Don't misunderstand -- Jack Bauer is not TV Boyfriend material. Let's face it. It does not pay to be a woman in Jack Bauer's life. They seem to have very stressful and/or very short lives. However, a month-long fling once a year is a perfect fit.

(Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.)

Also, I hate doing arm exercises. I don't like to lift weights. I've always hated push-ups and refuse to do a single one more for as long as I live. As I result, even at 5'6'' and 120 lbs, I have the beginnings of Bingo Wings. And summer tank-top season will soon be underway.

Ok, Val, what in God's name does this have to do with Jack Bauer?

I plan to take a bench that is by our front door and move it in front of the TV set. Every time Jack Bauer either shoots someone or says, "Dammit!," I will do a tricep dip.

I figure that by the 24th hour, I will have arms like Linda Hamilton.

Urban Kid 2 & I are off to St. Louis tomorrow to collect Urban Kid 1, who has been at Grandma Camp at Best Namma Ever!'s house. After staying a few days, all three of us will return to Chicago. When I shall begin my new exercise regiment.

With Jack Bauer.

(Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.)

So while I'm "out of pocket," have a great week!

Dammit!

Proof That God Loves Chicago Afterall

2009-04-30T21:32:00.006-05:00

Some days, it is good to be the U-Mom. Those who have been with me for a while know that 1.) I can't cook and 2.) I am well aware of my blessings and forever grateful for them. Especially since I have absolutely no idea what I've done to deserve any of them.

There's Urban Dad. I've gone on about him before.

There's Best Namma Ever!, who continues to be the only functioning player in The Grandma Game for the Urban Kids. And she does so beautifully.

There's living in one of the best cities on the planet. Ok, there are several times I question this. Don't ask me about having the highest sales tax in the nation. Or parking. Or taxes in general. Or the weather. Or graft. Or the schools. Or the ridiculous Olympics bid. Ask me about something else.

Like this man.

His name is Grant Achatz. God sent this artist to Earth, and saw fit to send him to Chicago.

What Shakespeare did with words, what Van Gogh did with paint, what Mozart did with music, this guy does with food.

His restaurant is called Alinea, and it is less than two miles from the humble Urban Family abode. It is also one of the Top 10 Restaurants in the World.

Now God nearly saw fit to take Grant right back, but apparently changed his mind. You see, young Grant here was diagnosed with a horrific case of tongue cancer a few years ago. He had two small kids and had just opened Alinea. Doctors were floored to see it in such a young, healthy man. They wanted to save his life by cutting out his tongue.

It's like a sick joke, right?

One doctor went with a different route. In addition to the usual poison-and-burn treatment, he added in an experimental drug. And left Grant's tongue in his head.

Read the whole incredible story here.

But the long and short of it is that Grant survived. Alinea survived. And they both seem to be doing beautifully. People from all over the country and world come to Alinea to experience the latest fascinating ideas knocking around in his unsettlingly creative mind. Honestly, you sit, look at your plate (if the food is even on one!), listen to the description, and wonder, "who thinks of that?" And then you thank your lucky stars that he did. And you wait with barely bated breath for whatever he deigns to offer next. 'Cause it's going to blow. your. mind.

Last summer, U-Dad's mom sent a generous check for his birthday. "Go blow it on a great dinner," she said. We thought of all of the things that we could do with it, but honored her request. While the U-Kids were at Grandma Camp with Best Namma Ever!, we decided to Swank Out for the night. I was charged with looking through Chicago Magazine and coming up with some ideas.

Hey, isn't Grant Achatz that guy I've read about a few times in Chicago magazine? (when i first read about him, i thought, "wow. amazing. bummer that i'll never eat there -- outta my league.")

So I made the reservation. Like many swanky places, they have a cancellation fee if you cancel within 24 hours of your reservation. Knowing that this would set him off, I neglected to mention that nugget of info to the U-Dad.

The night before the reservation, I was sick, as in, in the bathroom losing the pizza I'd had at a local pub. U-Dad asked if we should cancel at Alinea. Even in the revolting position that I was in, I was not going to let go of that reservation.

The next day I was better. And off we went. I'd never been to a place without any signage in front. Thus, the tip-off that we were somewhere different.

And all U-Dad & I seemed able to say to each other was, "Oh my GAWD, did you taste THAT?" And, of course, "who thinks of that?" Oh, and let's not forget the eventual, "what am I supposed to do tomorrow? Go back to a bowl of cereal?" (U-Dad made it very clear that yes, that was exactly what i was going to do.)

Some additional info here -- U-Dad grew up in a hotel family. His stepdad was a Veep with Hyatt when they were opening hotels all over the place. U-Dad has lived in enough places that he sounds like a military brat (e.g.: three high schools in four years). As a result of this upbringing, he's eaten in some of the best places. And as a result, he is dismissive of The Fancy Dinner. In his mind, it's rarely worth the money. He'd rather find the great neighborhood sushi joint and be a regular.

He was delighted to spend every last dollar of MIL's check at Alinea. And we did. It's been a year, and he's still raving. ~~Captain Cranky~~ U-Dad is fully and completely won over. I daresay that he's the quite possibly the tiniest bit in love.

Or maybe that's just me?

So why yammer on forever and post this now? Because last night, I took Best Namma Ever! for her birthday. I got to go back! There are several factors to this:

1. For all of the dinners that she did through her career at Boeing, I knew that she'd never been to something like this.

2. Her ~~cheap-ass, all-talk-no-action~~ Husband would never take her.

3. It's always fun to one-up Her Husband.

4. She deserves the best.

5. With all of the free childcare she gives us, we're still coming out ahead.

6. And I got to eat, too!

And I think that she's in love now, too. That's ok. I don't mind sharing this one.

So yeah, with all of the lovely restaurants that there are in Chicago, this is the one where whenever I drive by -- and I do so several times a week -- I wave and yell, "I'll see you again someday! I don't know when, but someday! I love you, Grant!"

Dear Followers...

2009-04-30T16:52:00.001-05:00

For those of you who flatter and honor me by actually Following this blog...

My apologies.

I've been figuring out how to go back and label things. And I've likely hit "Publish Post" a few too many times in that effort.

But I think I have it now.

Thanks for your patience!

Regularly scheduled post coming soon.....

Well, Virginia, since you've asked.....

2009-04-26T21:59:00.003-05:00

From the back of the car a few days ago...

Long Pause, then:

Urban Kid 1: Mom, is there actually a Santa Claus?

Me: (ooooo boy, here we go...) Uhhmmmm, interesting question, honey. Do you like thinking there's a Santa?

U-Kid 1: Yeah, (deep breath) but I just don't think there is one.

Me: Does it just all seem too good to be true?

U-Kid 1: Yeah, it really does.

Me: Well, you're pretty smart about most things. Including this one. (she nods thoughtfully while I attempt a reassuring smile) But it's fun for a lot of the other kids to believe in, especially the smaller ones. So now that you know, you have to keep it special for the other kids, okay? Show how you can be a big kid and let the others have fun with the idea, right?

U-Kid 1: Ok, I won't give it away. But, Mom?

Me: Uh-huh?

U-Kid 1: How do all of the presents get delivered, then??

Growing up, figuring it out, but still kind of innocent about it all still, too. It's interesting to watch.

Wardrobe Malfunction

2009-04-24T18:20:00.004-05:00

Some people.... you can tell they don't have kids.

Today was an unbelievably beautiful day. The day that all of Chicago has been waiting for and wondering if it was ever going to come around again. So we knocked out a bit of school -- enough to call it "school," but no more, -- and headed out. Today was Urban Kid 1's Piano Party, the last piano class of the session, sort of a mini-recital. This, of course, called for a trip to the nail salon, right? (ok, this may have been slightly self-serving)

U-Kid 1 and I have a ritual where we duck into the local Argo Tea right next door to the nail salon and get a drink -- chai for me, juice box for her -- before we go into the salon. And what is on the back of the t-shirt of the young woman in front of us? Go ahead, guess.

A t-shirt that in large, bright pink letters says,

"FUCK IT!"

*sigh* Thanks, "lady." My 5yo U-Kid 1 can read.

U-Kid 1 was distracted by her search for the perfect juicebox out of the fridge-y thing, which was a relief. Another mom with two kids in a stroller also came along behind us, which was another relief. While this other mom was just as annoyed as me, our older girls were at least chatting with each other enough to not notice the shirt too much.

I did see that U-Kid 1 saw the shirt, but she did not ask about it. If she did ask about it? My plan was to say, loudly enough for all involved to hear, "I don't know what it means, sweetie. Why not ask the gal wearing the shirt? Perhaps she can explain it to you."

To the young woman's slight credit, she clued into the families behind her. As she waited for her drink further down the counter, she turned around so that she was facing us. And once she got her drink, her first few steps back towards the door were kind of a sideways shuffle.

Now if it's 11:00pm on a Friday night in our neighborhood, and for some reason I take out the kids, then it's on me if they see something inappropriate for little eyes. But 11:00 AM??? In the tea store? It's not like I took the U-Kids for a walk past the various Adult stores on Halsted Street (also in our neighborhood -- we have to drive by them several times a week, but they have not yet caught U-Kid 1's attention; luckily, they keep the silly, cartoony stuff in the windows rather than the ... erm ... nitty-gritty stuff).

It reminds me of once when I took U-Kid 1 shopping downtown. We were standing at a stoplight waiting to cross Michigan Avenue when the twenty-something in front of us was emphatically telling a story to her friend, peppered with grown-up words. As soon as she laid eyes on U-Kid 1, she slapped her hand over her mouth, looked embarrassed and apologized over and over to me. Her reaction was so horrified that I couldn't be mad. In fact, it was pretty funny. But there also aren't that many little kids on Michigan Avenue on a weekday in the wintertime.

There are a lot of kids around in my neighborhood in the middle of a warm, beautiful, sunny Friday.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no prude. Put Pink Power Ranger and me alone in a car together discussing this relative or that in-law, and I could outdo what is on the federal wiretaps of our ex-Governor and his wife. But to wear that shirt anywhere but on Padre Island on Spring Break? I'd be convinved that Best Namma Ever! would pop out of somewhere and smack me on the back of the head so hard that I would come to my senses and yours. My as-yet-uncreated-grandchildren would have sense smacked into them by that particular smack from BNE!.

Perhaps I'll give F-IT girl a bit of credit and hope that she had her own "teachable moment" today. Maybe she had enough decency to feel awkward. Maybe she'll go through life without someone having to sarcastically ask, "gee honey, who's prouder of you? your mother or your father?"

Here's hoping for the best.

In the meantime, thanks for letting me vent a bit!

Teachable Moments for the U-Mom

2009-04-20T22:27:00.003-05:00

Hey there! Guess what I learned this past weekend, solo with the Urban Kids?

First, don't let them know you're afraid. They can smell fear. Now, U-Kid 2 can't smell her own pull-up and will deny deny deny that she needs a fresh one. She also can sense her mom's exasperation and will not announce a need to use the potty no matter how many hours of Dora the Explorer you promise her. But the U-Kids, however, can definitely smell fear. So it was time to put on a brave face.

Second, I learned that cooking U-Kid 1's favorite meal and lightening the hell up helped too.

Third, I learned that a beautiful day on the school playground is nothing less than a Godsend. Friends who will meet you there with their kids? Ditto.

Fourth, rainy days bite. However, taking the U-Kids to the gym and maxing out the 2-hour limit at the awesome child care facility does not.

Fifth, extra computer time and a few extra vids help too. Not caring if school gets done or not does too.

Sixth, U-Dad's absence causes my previously undiscovered bionic hearing to kick in. Seriously, it was three nights of hearing every single flippin' sound in our house, plus our landlord's upstairs, plus the house across the street, as well as the whole next block.

Seventh, the first night of a nasty head cold is just so gross.

Eighth, Best Namma Ever! and the Pink Power Ranger are excellent listeners. And BNE! probably can't get enough of me saying, "Oh my gawd, I am so sorry for everything I ever said and did after your divorce 31 years ago!"

Finally, that I'm really quite capable! You could mistake me for an actual grown-up! I strictly enforced nap/quiet time and bedtime -- afterall, ~~enough was enough already~~ rest is always essential. But the three of us did fine. I chugged through it all without breaking a sweat (or even a nail!). I had to keep my sh*t together because I was the only grown-up here. The real grown-up was off dealing with his own ~~freak-show~~ relatives.

But seriously, can we have some perspective here? As we drove away from the airport after dropping off U-Dad, U-Kid 1 let loose with the most dramatic lamentations. You see, we've never done this before. I take the U-Kids down to St. Louis to see my family once in a while, but U-Dad is always here. Well, except when all four of us pile in for the annual summer road trip. So him being the one to go was a first for U-Kid 1. So for perspective, I assured her that we were coming right back on Sunday night to pick him up. And I reminded her that her friend R has parents who are both pilots. So one or the other are often gone for a week at at a time. Sometimes they're both gone and her Grandma has to come visit. Considering their crazy schedules, this particular family spends an admirable amount of time together. She likes this family a lot, so that quickly calmed her.

I hesitated to go too far into a discussion about military parents. She & U-Dad do prayers most nights, and he always makes it a point to include our soldiers and to explain to her why we do. He's much better and the why-why-why's that accompany that talk and can do it accurately,yet without scaring the daylights out of her. But wow, I'm including the spouses left back at home much, much more emphatically now.

So yeah, we're spoiled. I'm spoiled. And totally rotten too. Right down to my squishy core. (thankyougodthankyougodthankyougod)

Oh, and we only did Happy Meals one night -- the night we collected U-Dad from Midway Airport.

(taaa daaaaaa -- hee hee)

Yes, those of you who know me know that this is indeed proud news for the U-Mom.

So no, despite my fears, this weekend did not suck. Not one bit. (U-Dad's, however, did. But that's another post.)

Ok, stop reading now and go hug someone ya love!

Flying Solo

2009-04-15T22:25:00.003-05:00

Well, sh*t. Sh*tsh*tsh*t.

Remember that MIL stuff that I sorta referred to in my last post about Spring Break? Well, the MIL is in the hospital recovering from surgery to fix two breaks in her hip. And -- I'm not kidding here -- she has been so abusive and ugly to the hospital staff (again!) that they have drugged her so that they do not have to deal with her. Yep, she's out cold.

Tomorrow she can leave AMA (Against Medical Advice). One place in a nearby town was prepped to take her so that she could recover from her injury. But then they got her records from the hospital and are saying, "no thanks!"

She may have a few other options, but is unlikely to take them. Y'see, they don't bring around Smirnoff and Ambien at these places, so she refuses to go.

BIL #1 has been dealing with all of this for about five straight months now and is at his breaking point. He called Urban Dad today and begged him to come out and have this confrontation with MIL tomorrow. BIL #1 just needs someone to have his back. And to come up for some freakin' air.

So U-Dad booked a ticket tonight for tomorrow.

Now, first and foremost, I feel bad for U-Dad. Here he has a ticket to Swanky Resort Town, Colorado, but is really going to be abused by Satan's Handmaiden. And because he lives in reality, he embraces this description of his mother. In fact, it's kinder than many he's used!

(remember that show Everybody Loves Raymond? I'd have divorced Raymond before the first year was up. U-Dad's acknowledgement of reality and correct priorities are big fat chunks of glue that hold this family together so tightly)

But also important here is how this affects Me. Afterall, it's my blog. So it gets to be about Me.

Remember that other part of my last post about how soft and cushy my life is because of U-Dad? How I stand in awe of divorcees, widows and military wives? Eeeeeeyuh. This weekend is gonna suck.

Up side? It's going to be warm for a while this weekend, so the U-Kids can run off some energy at a playground.

Will try to blog as I can. I've been bad about posting and even worse about coming around to everyone else's cyber-fences for a chat.

In the meantime, hoping that you have a great weekend!

(now, who wants a happy meal??????? and how many d'ya suppose one can feed her kids in one weekend and still be considered a normal woman???????)