Sunday, May 3, 2009

Flavor of the Month for May

Remember how I intro'd the Flavor of the Month feature by kicking out my former bad-ass spy, but now totally wussed-out Eurotrash ex-TV Boyfriend?

Time to move on to a new bad ass, this one All-American.
(Whatcha got there in your pocket, Jack? Probably your cell phone. Need help fishing around in there? I'm here to help. I like to help.)

Jack Bauer. Saving the world, once again.
(Tell me, Valerie, do you want me to bring you sushi? Spring rolls? A burrito from Chipotle? Tell me, I have to know, dammit! I live to make you happy!)

Now May is the perfect time for him to be Flavor of the Month here. You see, every year I record all of the episodes of "24" and then gorge myself on them, burning through them all in about two weeks. I just cannot wait a week between episodes. I'm like this with many things. Urban Dad has to hide Christmas presents that come in the mail because I can't wait until the 25th to open them. Any time of the year, I barely have the UPS package signed for and I'm tearing into it. Even if I'm the one who ordered it and know exactly what is in it.
(Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.)
(Does something feel strangely Freudian about this picture? Or is it just me? Have I sunk to a new level of weirdness? Probably....)

The 8th season of "24" ends in May. I can finally start digging into my delicious TV treat!
(The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.)

Lest I feel too lazy lying on the floor or sprawled across the couch burning through the DVR, I have found yet another way for Jack Bauer to satisfy me. (no, i did not share a first way; you're an intelligent adult -- figure it out)
Don't misunderstand -- Jack Bauer is not TV Boyfriend material. Let's face it. It does not pay to be a woman in Jack Bauer's life. They seem to have very stressful and/or very short lives. However, a month-long fling once a year is a perfect fit.
(Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.)

Also, I hate doing arm exercises. I don't like to lift weights. I've always hated push-ups and refuse to do a single one more for as long as I live. As I result, even at 5'6'' and 120 lbs, I have the beginnings of Bingo Wings. And summer tank-top season will soon be underway.

Ok, Val, what in God's name does this have to do with Jack Bauer?

I plan to take a bench that is by our front door and move it in front of the TV set. Every time Jack Bauer either shoots someone or says, "Dammit!," I will do a tricep dip.

I figure that by the 24th hour, I will have arms like Linda Hamilton.

Urban Kid 2 & I are off to St. Louis tomorrow to collect Urban Kid 1, who has been at Grandma Camp at Best Namma Ever!'s house. After staying a few days, all three of us will return to Chicago. When I shall begin my new exercise regiment.

With Jack Bauer.

(Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.)

So while I'm "out of pocket," have a great week!


1 comment:

rita said...

*fans self* Dear God, girl, we have so much in common! I have been a biiiig fan of Jack's since Dave Barry started live-blogging 24 several years ago. I'm not as patient as you are; I watch it on Hulu every week, or I did back in the winter when I had no life. I'm several episodes behind now.

We really need a Tivo.

Enjoy your time with BNE!