Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Another Good Reason That God Makes Kids Short

We Urbans live a few short blocks from a neighborhood theater.  (ok, it's Chicago... who doesn't live near a neighborhood theater, right?)  I think Back In The Day it was a movie theater, but now it's used for live stuff.  It seems to be well-attended too, which is great.  It's always nice to have people come by and drop off their money in our neighborhood!  And living in a neck of the woods that believes itself to be quite edgy... but in a cushier-than-Wicker-Park kind of way... the marquee can sometimes be interesting.

Now keep in mind that Urban Kid 1 is 6yo.  And chatty.  And full of questions that she is not afraid to ask.  And if she thinks that you haven't heard her, she'll ask again and again and again because surely you are not ignoring her in the hopes of avoiding the topic or maybe completing one or two thoughts inside of your own head before checking back in. 

Oh yeah, she's a damn good reader too (if I do say so myself...ahem...).

So recently, this theater had this show advertised in BLACK AND WHITE AND IN ALL-CAPS:

Now I'm not much of a prude.  At least, I don't think I am.  Maybe the guy at the coffee shop who sometimes goes by Paul and other times by Kathy depending on his wardrobe choice of the day might disagree, but really, I think I'm pretty hip to the goings-on in the world.  And frankly, I think the title is pretty funny!

But how exactly does one explain that to a then-5yo?

So I'd distract her by pointing things out that were more at here eye level.  Or, if it was equally (in)convenient, I'd go a slightly different route to get home.  No big deal.  We live here in the city; this can be part of the package.  Becoming a busybody about it would make me a very lonely salmon swimming up a very strong river, anyway.

The show left, a few others have come and gone that would not attract questions that would involve me stammering a bit before finally saying, "ask Daddy to explain that one to you" -- things like Kathy Griffin or Mary Lynn Rajksub (or however you spell her name).

Now these doofuses are back.  With the theater marquee loudly advertising it, because really, in the economy that we're in, who doesn't have money to plunk down to watch a couple of guys diddle themselves?

Yes, back.  They've been here before.  But it was before Urban Kid 1 could read, so no big deal.

I'm open to suggestions on how to explain it!


rita said...

I don't know, maybe "Puppetry of the penIs dementedly good fun." Tell her it's a misprint; the words should read "pen is". But how those guys would carry their pens is a mystery, being naked and all.

Good luck!

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry but I'm too busy laughing my butt of to even think of anything remotely resembling good adivce! LMAO!!!!

Hen Jen said...

I think Rita's answer is brilliant! or I'd just start taking a new route home...

Dy said...


I gave up on trying to ignore. Now I just give a conspiratorial smile and whisper, "I'll fill ya in later."

Angelica said...

I laughed so hard, I had tears in my eyes. I have been there before, and the "I'll fill ya in later" thing didn't work, because then they would say..."so,'s later. What does that mean?" Eesh. I'd just have to say, "It's not really appropriate for kids. I'll tell you when you're older."