Friday, January 22, 2010


(Hey JS, if you come across this post, please know that you are welcome here anytime!!!)

Ok, folks, once again, I have gone cyber-psycho.....

As many of you know, precious few people IRL know of my secret cyber-life.  "Urban Mom" gets to go through life with slighly fewer social filters than "Valerie" has to.  It's the fun of the blog.  I mean, it's not like I blatantly try to be offensive or anything.  I try to (mostly) be at least respectful.  But I refer to people in the Urbans' lives as I see fit here.  It's why I call Best Namma Ever!'s husband Her Husband.  It's why I call my paternal grandmother Not The Best Namma Ever!.  And whenever I tell someone IRL about this blog, I do it with the idea of "I have to see this person; do I have to adjust what and how I write to accomodate that?"  Those people IRL are then sworn to keep my deep, dark secret.  You folks out in cyber-space can tell anyone you like about the goofy mom from Chicago who essentially uses her computer to open her window and yell at whomever passes by.

So I was over on Facebook.......

FB leads you to believe that you can tinker with sublists within your list of friends.  Keep in mind that my FB list is all of about 47 people, about 1/4 to 1/3 people that I have never even met IRL.  And so I played with the sublist of ideas.  For example, I don't figure that everyone I've ever met wants to hear my thoughts on politics, so I created a list called "Politics."  I then did a "Comment if you can see this" post.  Only a few actually responded, but they were on the list.

And you know what I did next.....

I created a "blog" list.  Y'see, my FB friend Dy posts on FB whenever she does a new blog post.  I thought that this was a very nifty idea!  So I created my "blog" list -- people who do not include my immediate family or perhaps who are friends with folks who I may not want knowing my details -- and checked and double-checked it.  I then did the "come see my new blog entry" post on FB.


a family remember responded that he was confused about how to find it.

and a nice fellow mom down the block from me sent me an e-mail -- a very lovely e-mail -- responding to my blog post. (again, JS, you're welcome to the party here!)

I immediately took down the FB post.  I then kicked the blog into "private" mode as I pondered what to do next.  I've had to think carefully about what I want to do with the Urban Mom blog.  Go private permanently?  Go back through my entries and figure out what to delete or alter?  Keep going as I have been, but check carefully and more often?

I'm going with option #3.

For now.

Maybe few people had a chance to see the FB post.  Maybe if they've tried the link and couldn't get in, they've gone on to the next thing in their lives. Maybe I can stop ridiculously overestimating my importance in anyone's life but my own.

So that's where I've been for a few days.

And know that if you're reading this right now, that I'm very likely flattered, grateful and giddy with joy that you find me worth your time and energy.

Unless, of course, I'm related to you.


Amy said...

I made the decision a while back to make the blog known to everyone I interact with (FB does tend to force your hand on that one). Anyhoo, I went back through the old Good Soil blog and ended up only deleting one post. And it was about my (deceased) mother, not about anyone who would be reading. I just didn't want anyone to hurt because of what I had written.

I've read your blog for a while - I don't think you have anything to worry about for the most part.

Urban Mom said...

Thanks so much for the feedback and insight, Amy! The other thing that I forgot to mention was that there are people on FB who I know from my time at Great Big Urban High School. They've moved on, as have I, but we still know the same people at GBUHS, plus Urban Dad is still there. And I know that I *definitely* do not want them in on this. Another factor....


Stephanie said...

I read. But I'm not on facebook. Or any of the others.
So I really have no idea what on earth you're talking about.
So I spose you're not talking to me. :)
But I'm still here.

:) Stephanie

Hen Jen said...

Hi UB,

I've been wondering where you've been!

I'm conflicted over the whole blogging/real life thing too. Right now only 1 or 2 family members read my blog and I kind of like it that way. So, I am not linked through my FB page..tho I did put up a link once, and after a few hours I had the heebie jeebies and I pulled it. Only one or two people clicked over and I think they've forgotten about it.

i did set up a fanpage for my blog, since all the bloggers are doing it, and so far, it does not seem to connect me in real life. I did have to not become a fan tho...which kind of sucked cuz so far I only have 1 fan...

I try to be careful on my blog of not hurting anyone..but at the same time, if someone wants to know more about my life, I'd rather them have a conversation with me rather than just read my blog, kwim?

it's nice to see you back!

rita said...

I missed you!

I keep an eye on StatCounter and can sometimes catch my mom checking up on me. She pretends that she doesn't remember the url, but oh she does.

That said, I do censor myself because she reads it sometimes (usually when I've used a Very Bad Word in a post) and I would love to feel free to use the f-word with abandon and talk about old boyfriends and my ex-husband more honestly than I already have (with curse words), but uh oh, my husband reads it, too. Soooo. Screwed.

I finally got on facebook (which is the ultimate time vampire), but very few people IRL know me there, because I did not use my real name. (I'm Rita Jinkins Knits, if you want to friend me. Won't you be my friend?) I don't want acquaintances at work to know that I'm pretending to be drunk again or that I'm using That Word again. For God's sake, my BOSS is on there! So there are three people at work, people I trust, who are sworn to secrecy as to my identity. My blog isn't linked for the same reason. No f'ing way I want anyone at work to find my blog!!! Specially since I tend to do my best blog writing during, uh, work hours.

I'm glad you're back. Your secret is safe with me!

P.S. Really. Have you seen New Moon and Shirtless Robward? I get a lot of hits on Statcounter for that combination of words.

Dy said...

At first, I started blogging to keep family updated. But they never read it. So when I moved it, I didn't tell them, and enjoyed a bit of anonymity. Until Zorak ratted me out to his family -- and his co-workers, and his old Navy buddies, and the guy he worked with at the test site last month, and... *sigh* -- b/c that's the easiest way to see pictures, and he thinks I'm funny. Although he never laughs. Go figure.

I often joke w/ friends on the phone that I need a blog for "the bits I couldn't blog". And the really good friends know to call for updates after certain blog entries. ;-)

However, as long as I've been reading yours, you've always been gracious and circumspect, and I don't think that you've got much to worry about.

Uptown Girl said...

yay welcome back to the virtual world! seems like you have quite a welcome wagon here!
I should disable my blog for a minute, maybe ppl would notice and then welcome me back with a banner or something...

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I stumbled across your blog, and have found it completely entertaining! I can't figure out how to become a fan, though.