Monday, January 25, 2010

Humor in Urban Mom's Family

My cop sister, Pink Power Ranger, is great at practical jokes.  She's also a great friend.  Her practical jokes tend to be what one might call a "cost of doing business."  Here's an example:

While we Urbans were in St. Louis at Best Namma Ever!'s house, PPR and her fiance (I haven't quite come up with a name for him yet... I am growing up and beginning to like him, hence weenie boyfriend is no longer an option) came over for pizza and chit-chat with us and some other friends.  PPR came in and swooped directly back to BNE!'s bedroom, the last door on the left of the hallway.  I happened to be coming out of BNE!'s room when I ran into PPR.

Me:  You're late again.

PPR:  HeywhichpurseisMom's?

Me:  The muti-colored thing there.  Why?

PPR:  Standlookoutkay?

Me:  Uh, ok, she's in the kitchen with everyone, why?

PPR: (coming out of the bedroom and into the hallway with me)  I got one of those security tabs from a friend in inventory control, and it's activated.  I buried it into the bottom of her purse, so when she walks in and out of any store, she'll set off the alarms!

Me & PPR:  (uproarious laughter at the very thought)

A few days later, I needed to get out of the house already go to Mid-Rivers Mall to take care of some errands.  I was going to take the two Urban Kids with me anyway, and so I could not resist:

Me:  Hey BNE!, want to come with us and hang out a bit?

And so off we went.

With the exception of JC Penney, which we had to cut through in order to get to and from out car, BNE! proceeded to set off alarms everywhere.  The first few times, it was "huh, that's weird."  The next few times it was, "ok, what's the deal?"

At one point, I was with Urban Kid 1 at one of those giant bungee trampolie set-ups where they charge you a ridiculous $7 for three minutes of jumping for a kid who refuses to try a flip.  But she loves it and can't easily do it at home, plus it acts as bribery for good behavior, so what the heck. 

Anywhooooo, the overpriced bungee thing is set up right next to Macy's.  BNE! had to go to the bathroom, so she magnanimously took UK-2 with her.  I watched her go in and kept a straight face as the WOOP WOOP WOOP went off as she crossed Macy's threshold.  I could tell that puzzlement was giving way to aggravation.  This, of course, only made it funnier.  (i know, i'm going straight to hell, aren't i???)  I then watched as the pair came out a few minutes later.  And you know what happened:


BNE! was starting to figure out that it was something about her.

Oh hey, did I mention that whenever BNE! turned her back that I was frantically texting PPR?

After the overpriced bungee thing, we made our way to one of those little plastic indoor playgrounds where cabin-fevered small children can run off some adrenalin.  As we settled in to watch the Urban Kids, I offered to go into the adjacent Border's and pick up a few hot beverages.  My treat.  (see, i am nice!)  But BNE! -- God bless her wonderful heart -- said, "oh no, I'd like to go in anyway, so I'll pick up something for us while you watch the kids." 

She is a gift, isn't she?

As she walked off, I immediately phoned PPR and told her all that was happening.  Whoever may have seen PPR in her patrol car at that moment might have worried about the armed woman unable to breathe due to fits of laughter.

Of course, as we talked, BNE! finished browsing the sale books outside of the store and wandered inside.


I thought PPR would wet herself.

From where I was sitting, I could watch the Urban Kids and the entrance to Borders, so I waited in blissful anticipation, still chatting with PPR.

PPR:  I can't believe I'm missing this!  It was MY joke!

As BNE! came back out, two lovely hot drinks with her, once again came WOOP WOOP WOOP.

Aggravation gave way to exasperation.  I hurriedly ditched PPR.

BNE!:  That's IT.  No more!  I am not going into one more store today!  This is just crazy!

May I just say that I deserve an Academy Award for Best Actress for my ability to look genuinely puzzled?  For my ability to look genuinely weirded out?  For my ability to ask if perhaps there was a problem that she wanted to share with me... with a completely straight face?

By the way, PPR only 'fessed up a few days ago.  Her fiance made her.  (to their credit, both Urban Dad and PPR's fiance were absolutely appalled at us) 

Oh, and BNE! was not stopped at all by any kind of security during all of this.  Not once!


Anonymous said...

So during this whole thing no one actually STOPPED and talked to her or search her?? That's the scariest part of all!!


rita said...

I would love to have you as a part of my family. We're no fun at all compared to you and PPR!

Tonia said...

That is too funny! I can't believe you kept a straight face through all that.

Amy said...

Hilarious! I totally want a cop sister now.

Tammy said...

I'm absolutely howling with laughter. You two are real stinkers you know. ;)

Stephanie said...

ooooh my goodness.
gasping and choking over here.

The Wannabe Redhead said...

Aside from "borrowing" things in college, my BFF & I would play practical jokes on others all the time. Now, we team up and play them on her husband ;) --I only wish I had one of these to play this joke on someone!


Uptown Girl said...

how devious are you?! I would cave and confess after about 5 minutes. Sadly that is my destiny. You should be proud of your mad skills.

What did BNE! do when she found out?

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