Dear Leafy Suburban Elementary School

Remember when I told you that Best Namma Ever! and I took the Urban Kids to the Nature Museum? We went last Thursday; Thursday afternoon, I typed up this letter and sent it to the principal of the elementary school emblazoned on all of their millions of t-shirts swarming the place.



Dear Ms. Principal Lady:

I have just returned from an outing with my two children to the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum, where we encountered your first graders. We left the Nature Museum when we realized that the behavior of your students would not allow us to enjoy our own visit.


Our encounter with your students began in the Butterfly Haven, where the Museum employee had to repeatedly and emphatically tell the children to get off of the various ledges. I had to wonder at why he had to keep doing this and why your school's adults were not on top of this.



Knowing that we were hopelessly outnumbered and that your adults were not interested in controlling their students, we spent much of our time trying to avoid your group as we went through other exhibits.


We finally ended up on the first floor in a play area designed for small children. However, our enjoyment there was short-lived, as droves of your students soon descended upon the area. Your students came into an area that was being enjoyed by very small children and their caregivers. Your students soon took over and showed very little regard for those smaller than themselves. For example, my 2 1/2 year-old and another little girl had been enjoying a slide, one designed for children about their age. Your students, however, shoved by them in such numbers that they were soon in a corner, confused and unable to wrangle a turn from the group towering around them.


I waited for an adult, any adult, from your school to intervene. I waited for an adult, any adult, from your school to look into the play area to check in on the students. This was not to be. The adults from your school were not interested in chaperoning their students. Nor were they interested in noticing that each and every caregiver of a smaller child was collecting their charges and getting out of there. No, your school's adults were outside of the play area, where they were huddled together deep in conversation. Apparently, they believed this play area, perhaps the entire museum, to have been appropriated for their exclusive use today? (I finally stepped in to play "traffic cop" on behalf of the smaller children.)


I take my children around the city to various museums throughout the year. Inevitably, we encounter school groups. I tend to keep my distance from these groups until I can get a read on how well the adults are handling their group. I have noticed that the city school's students are very often the most closely and strictly supervised; they are also the best-behaved and pleasant to be around.




Your students today acted as a large group of antsy first-graders will do. Your chaperoning adults, however, have succeeded only in denigrating your school.


As a former teacher married to a seventeen-year veteran of the Chicago's {Great Big Urban} High School, I see your trip today as a very sad way to end your school year.


Thank you for your time,
-Urban Beyotch Mom




I then called the Nature Museum and found out who is in charge of school groups, then forwarded the letter to him with a delightful note to him praising his staff for their hard work despite Leafy Suburban School's roughshod behavior. My hope is that if the principal actually gives a rat's patootie and calls the museum about any Crazy Lady's Complaints that he will find me to be the Nice & Smart Lady.

For the record, I did get a return note from the principal at 8:45 that night thanking me for my letter, assuring me that she would investigate what happened and apologizing if her students interfered with my visit.

I've yet to hear anything more, but don't much care now. I got it off my chest.

(Tell me again why I need the schools to teach my kids how to socialize?)

Stick A Fork In Me...

I'm DONE!

As I mention over there on the left, Urban Dad & I have opted to homeschool our munchkins. We don't know for how long -- I figure "until I'm in over my head." 'Cause let's face it. We can say we're homeschooling all we want. But the fact is that I'm the one here while U-Dad is at Great Big Urban High School for upwards of twelve hours a day, where he is loved and adored by all of his students. Seriously, his homeroom kids are gone already, because they are Seniors. They came back on Friday, his birthday, to give him a cake that said, "To The Greatest Man On Earth."






Seriously, what is that like? 'Cause me? I'm the b*tch that Urban Kid 1 puts up with until U-Dad comes back.






Ok, no, it's not that bad. I exaggerate. Well, most days anyway.






But we're in a weird phase right now where every.little.freakin'.thing is an argument. Honestly, if I suggest that the sky is blue, she'll argue about it. That the left shoe should go on the left foot? Fight. That we need to be somewhere by 10am and need to get gathered? It's, "I'm not going." Five going on thirteen. (What the hell am I supposed to do at thirteen?)






It's not like I'm doing a full day of school with her. I don't figure that we're "officially" homeschooling until September, when her peers all head off to Kindergarten and it's the U-Kids and me, still in our pajamas. So we do some stuff. All that stuff listed over there? We don't do it all each and every day.






But wow, lately doing a bit of math is like asking her to present a survey of the Jacobian Conjecture (yes, that's a real thing! no, i've no idea what it is!). And it ultimately ends with her exclaiming that what this math sheet really means is that she is the most unloved 5yo ever born. And when I took this kind of "Don't Bother Trying With Me, Lady, I'll Hate It All" attitude when teaching, at least I could send them away after an hour, and I got paid at the end of the day!






Do you remember how exciting it was with the new school year? All of your new outfits and pencils and folders and the Trapper Keeper? (What would I give to get a Trapper Keeper today?)



And how by the end of the year you couldn't get out of there fast enough?

Guess where Urban Kid 1 is right now? Guess where her mom is?

The stuff that we outsource is winding down, which helps. Art has wrapped up, except for one class. U-Kid 1, bless her dramatic little heart, has opted to give her last class to her little sister so that we can see if she might like to do Art too when we return in the Fall. Spanish has ended. Now I have to stalk get in touch with U-Kid 1's BFF for playdates, but that's ok. Soccer ends this week for the Spring session. We'll pick up the Summer session, but that's cool. It's outside, and Urban Dad can take her sometimes. And believe me, he will. Piano ends in a few more weeks.

We just might make it.

Despite my whining, I love what we've opted to do here. It's working out well -- U-Kid 1 can't go to Kindergarten; she's well past K-level work! And Urban Dad is supportive and helpful and throws himself straight into the fray as soon as he hits the door. Evenings and weekends, I can almost fade into the background and re-group while he takes them for walks and cleans and feeds and gives baths and does bedtimes (it's all total p*rn for women... and it works).

But right now, I'm done. D. U. N.

(btw, tomorrow is the free day at the chicago history museum. guess where the u-kids & i are heading?)

This Is A Test... It Is Only A Test

Had it been real life, you would not be given any instructions whatsoever.

Isn't that how the saying goes???

Here's the scoop: Chicago Public Schools has a series of Gifted Schools, places where you have to test to get accepted. Urban Dad & I are settled on the idea of starting out the U-Kids with homeschooling for as long as it best serves them. And as long as I feel no compulsion to walk them down to the Caribou Coffee at the corner of our street and trade them for a large non-fat chai.

But the test is free. My favorite four-letter-F-word.

So I went through the application process. You can apply for as many as six schools. They encourage you to do that so that you hopefully end up with something. I applied for two -- the #1 and #2 schools in the city. (the #1 place is supposed to be the best public elementary school in illinois -- la dee freakin' dah, as chris farley would say)

I took Urban Kid 1 to take the test. She came out less than 20 minutes later.

We got the results on Saturday. There are two scores. One is the SAI -- School Ability Index. It measures stuff like verbal & nonverbal reasoning, logical classification skills, sequencing skills, visual attention to detail, defining words and completing analogies. The highest possible score is 150. 112-150 is considered above average. 130 is considered "significantly above average."

She scored 145.

Then there was the percentile rank so that you can see how your kid did compared to the rest of the comparison group who took the same test.

She scored in the 99.7th percentile.

So, eeeeyuh, I guess this homeschooling thing is going ok for now. And I sat looking at these results for a long while thinking, "wait, am I reading this right?" Clearly, she got this from her father. Or there was a switch-up at the hospital. Or those Dora vitamins pack quite a punch. Or maybe those Orange Dream Machines with a VitaBoost from Jamba Juice that I lived on during the third trimester have some magic in them.

I'm also careful about with whom I share this news, lest I come off as a preening snot. (you, dear reader, choose to come to my little corner of cyber-space here, so i figure that gives me permission to be yammer on a bit about stuff going on in our little corner of life)

And finally, I'm not losing sight of the fact that testing well once does not mean a sure-fire ticket to a happy life. That setting her up with the skills to pursue that part of life will not automatically come with academic success. That testing well is not the same as being a kind, thoughtful, considerate, contributing soul. And that she better pick up her damn room already!

Urban Dad was over the moon, of course. And gives me all of the credit. And I let him, naturally (wink, wink). He quietly shared the news with the biggest gossip in the English Department at Great Big Urban High School. This way, everyone will know, but U-Dad can let someone else do the work. Yes, he can be a preening snot too. It's rare in him, so when it does happen, it's strangely cute.

Oh, and she was not selected for either school. Oh well. So much for the satisfaction of US turning down THEM. It's just as well. That would have been more snottiness than any decent soul deserves.

Now, how to convince her that Handwriting is fun???

A "Vacation" Of Sorts?

You see, my mom (aka: Best Namma Ever!) came to visit from our hometown of St. Louis. And she does not know that I have this humble blog. Only a teeny number of people that I know IRL know that I am trying blogging. I aim to keep it that way for a while.

BNE! came up on Wednesday and stayed the night. Then yesterday, BNE! and Urban Kid 1 flew back to St. Louis. Yes, BNE! collected UK1 for a lovely little "vacation." And not a moment too soon, I'm afraid. For some reason, UK1 and I have been butting heads... and hard. Almost no day has been complete without a massive meltdown and a long timeout. My sister has eloquently referred to these events as "pi$$ing matches." The nice thing is that she spends her timeouts pulling books off of her shelves and reading them. I'm thinking of starting her on this book:She'd likely finish it before her next birthday, at the rate she's going..............

There have been a few days when Urban Dad comes home to me wondering if homeschooling is actually the best answer. "She hates me! What can I possibly teach her?" His reply is always that she does NOT hate me and that even if we do just argue all day, she's STILL better off than in the Chicago system.

UK1 loves going to BNE!'s. Everything is novel and perfect. She is the center of attention. She gets to go to church (something we're a little too lax about, I suppose) and be the center of attention there. She gets to see my sister, a police officer, aka: Pink Power Ranger. And be the center of her attention. There's some sort of trampoline place that BNE! was checking out for her. And they go to the local Y to swim and play in a shiny new pool. She gets to watch Cinderella over and over again. Seriously, who can blame the kid?

In the meantime, Urban Kid 2 is getting lots of attention, especially from UD. He worries that he doesn't get enough time with her due to the whirling dervish that is UK1. As the weather improves bit by teeny tiny bit, he wants to take UK2 out for a walk in the stroller when he gets home. For the next few days, it will be The UD and UK2 Show. More power to 'em.

BNE! and UK1 are scheduled to fly back on Tuesday. But Pink Power Ranger is scheduled to drive up for a visit next Friday. So BNE! might just keep UK1 a few extra days, and all three may arrive together instead. I am all about the latter idea. So does this make me a bad mom? Or just an honest one? An honestly bad one? Or maybe one that is fortunate enough to come up for air now and then.

As much as I love living here, and as excited as I am about raising kids in the heart of the city, I do envy those that have family around them, handy on a day-to-day basis. I thank God every day for BNE! and how involved she has been from 300 miles away. I'd lose my mind without her.

But I'm still not telling her about this blog.
=-)

Here We Go...

60 million people have blogs. Yep, 60 million people yelling from their windows to anyone who might pass by. And now there's one more!

So what in the world could lil ole me offer? Here's hoping *something* interesting. I'm a stay-at-home mom here in the fantastic (ok, right now fantastically COLD) city of Chicago. My husband is a Chicago Public School teacher. Which school? For right now, let's call it Great Big Urban High School. And pre-kids, I did a stint there too. Which was enough to make us decide to homeschool our munchkins.

So there's the urban homeschool mom angle. The homeschool mom floating around the urban mommy circuit. Honestly, I've been happily accepted by most other moms on the Urban Kid Circuit -- the moms at the gym, the art class, the Spanish class, etc., mostly ladies searching for or settling in to private schools around town. In Illinois, you're considered your very own private school if you homeschool. Some people name them. Coming from St. Louis (Go Cards!), the Hoitiest of the Toitiest schools were places named "SomethingSomething Country Day Academy." So we "named" ours "B...... Country Day Academy." We figure that ours is really a VERY private school -- max occ: 2! I even got cards made. I'm the Director of Curriculum & Implementation. And the Director of Admissions. (pre-pre-kids, I was in the corporate world of commercial production for Great Big Ad Agency. i missed having a biz card........)

OK, let's see what this thing can do.