But We Have To Apply For A Driver's License?

Dy over at Classic Adventures gave me this idea for a post. You see, her son was having an allergic reaction of some kind, and she was feeling all bad for letting it go an extra day.

Make room on the Bad Parent Bench, Dy. I need to put my hiney on there, too.

You see, today U-Dad, the U-Kids & I got out of Best Namma Ever!'s hair and headed over to the local pool. There was a day care group there also, and a bit of a to-do when a lifeguard had to dive in after one of their kids who had gotten herself into a bit of trouble. Two other lifeguards ran over to Hero Lifeguard Guy to collect the little girl he plunked out of the water.

So here I am, back home, telling this story to BNE! as she made us waffles in her kitchen. The U-Kids were sitting at the kitchen island on the way-up-high chairs that are on one side. BNE! was across from them with the waffle iron, U-Dad was standing next to U-Kid 1.

Where was I? Standing next to U-Dad.

Wanna guess what happened to U-Kid 2? Yep, her arms started windmilling and *BAM* over she went onto the floor. She bonked her head, but landing on her left arm kept her from hitting it too hard. Then came the loooooong silence as she was scooped up. Followed by that piercing scream that cracks the windows. Then a few more screams.

Wanna guess what I was talking about when UK-2 toppled? I was complaining haughtily to BNE! about how those daycare workers were not watching their kids!

(UK2 is fine now)

How about the time when UK-1 was a baby, just shy of 1yo, in her crib. U-Dad was getting ready to go and came in to kiss me good-bye for the day. I had heard UK-1 coughing in her crib through the baby monitor, so I suggested that he not go back to kiss her good-bye. It would just fully wake her up, and poor me, I was sooooo tired and wanted to sleep a bit more.

When I woke up later, I was surprised at how quiet UK-1 was. I went back to her room to find her........

and her crib......

covered in hurl.

She had propped herself up into a far corner, the cleanest corner, and dozed off sitting up, trying to stay away from the nasty. (care to imagine the smell?)

Nope, never gonna forgive myself for that one!

How about the time that I was hurriedly slicing carrots, bang-bang-banging the big, sharp knife up and down on the cutting board, only to have UK-1 quietly come up next to me and reach for a carrot... putting her fingers UNDER the knife in her quest.

I didn't break the skin, but did come down on the fingers. I also screamed, reflexively threw the knife across the counter and grabbed UK-1 into my arms. We sat on the floor hugging while her mommy found her own heart thumping its way across the kitchen floor, forced it back into her chest and calmed herself enough to have the "don't reach onto the cutting board ever" talk with her daughter.

In fact, Dy, let me just nudge your Really A Good Parent hiney right off of there, while I take up this whole Bad Parent Bench. I seem to need room to stretch out.

Now, that all said, UK-1 and U-Dad are now out buying droves of fireworks. U-Dad involves our little cherub in this event pretty deeply. I warn him often that if we end up in the ER, that I am going to direct a humongous, high-velocity hissy fit right between his legs eyes.

Mama Bear is the only one allowed to mess up. Everyone else who messes up has to deal with Mama Bear!