Sunday, September 21, 2008

Proof That God Loves My Neighbors & Me

Oh Sweet Mary Mother of God, do I have exciting news to share toooodaaaay!

No. I'm not pregnant. Bite your tongue.

First, the backstory:

Our next-door neighbor is a jerk. The building immediately to our east is a fairly new condo building (1999). And the condo just across the gangway from us -- as in, we can kinda see into his dining area from our living room, so I leave the blinds closed when U-Dad isn't home -- is a lovely, duplex-down place. And it was once occupied by a quiet old man.

Then the quiet old man disappeared. And a younger guy, Mystery Jerk, showed up.

Along with his three yappy little barking rats dogs. That he would put out on his front deck. Where they could yap-yap-yap at people all the live-long day. And there's nowhere in our place to escape the sound of those little mongrels dogs.

Our landlord, Mike, who is a real-estate agent and general Man About Town, told me that the old man went into a nursing home. And he wasn't sure who the new guy was. A nephew? A young thing that the old gentleman took to?

But Urban Dad had finally had it with the dogs one day and went outside, where he yelled at the guy to "take the damn dogs inside already! They're all we've heard all day since 8:00 this morning!" There were a few more choice words for the entire block to hear, and he then summed up his oration with "and sober up already!" 'Cause Mystery Jerk was stumbling around a bit outside and slurring.

Then the awning over the entry door to the building that's closest to his deck was all beat to hell.

Then one of his French glass doors to his front deck was boarded up.

And after awhile, Urban Mom started channeling Mrs. Kravitz from "Bewitched."

First, it was the Mom Across The Street who has two kids who like to play with U-Kid 1. She dished that the dustmops without sticks dogs drive her utterly batsh*t too. And that she'd seen the police there before. And one day, while sitting on her stoop, she saw some dirtbag come to Mystery Jerk's side of the gate, where they quickly exchanged things between bars of the gate. Nice. Drug deals next door. Just. freakin'. beautiful.

Then we chatted with the family that lives across the hall from Mystery Jerk. They have four kids, and they were gentler in their description... a credit to their classiness, really... but their point was made. The ankle biters dogs bugged them -- seems that they've tried to nip at other residents of the building. And Mystery Jerk once had the nerve to call the cops on this family! Seems that the cops quickly assessed the reality of the situation and left.

But then things started changing. Mystery Jerk had a bunch of furniture delivered. Then the awning got fixed. You could see a new flat-screen TV on the wall. Then the door was replaced.'s the shocker... he started walking the dogs! Nobody could remember ever seeing him do this (imagine how that place must smell). The Mom Across The Street and I started to wonder if perhaps he had sobered up and was pulling it together. And (*sigh*) figured that he was settling in and staying for good.

Now for what happened today!

As the U-Kids & I returned home from the playground, I saw this outside of his place:

And his front deck doors were open. And the lights were one. And it all looked so neat and tidy.

And I looked closely at the description posted outside and realized, "oh Sweet Jesus thank you, Christmas is early this year!"

As I herded the U-Kids up our front steps, I saw the realtor come out and futz with the sign. I asked if, indeed, it was the condo right next to us that was for sale. She confirmed that it was and asked if we lived here. I pointed to our front window and said, "yes, but we rent." She brightly told me that she was there until 1:00 and that we should certainly stop by.

And then Mystery Jerk came out with Satan's lapwarmers the dogs. They always seem nervous when out on the sidewalk in the big world.......

I hustled the girls inside. And before their shoes were off, I was texting Best Namma Ever! and the Pink Power Ranger with my joyful news.

And there was no way I was going to go over there, sign my name and go through Mystery Jerk's place. Ugh. Creepy. I had too much decorum for that.

So I threw on the computer and looked it up on-line instead!! This guy thinks he'll get $759,000 for this place. Apparently, he does not watch the news on that shiny new TV?

A little later, once U-Kid 2 was down for a nap and U-Kid 1 was in her room chilling with some books, I saw The Mom Across The Street outside with her kids. I threw on my flip-flops, grabbed my keys and went over there. As soon as our eyes met, she beamed a smile and pointed excitedly back across the street to the sign. I started dancing outside of her gate. She said that she'd been so excited when she saw the sign that she phoned her parents (who also live on the street). And we both wondered aloud if the realtor might start to wonder why the neighbors keep dancing outside of her client's place.

Best Namma Ever! always says, "God provides." Can I get an A-men, people????

(see that place on the lower left... if you have $759,000 lying around and want to be my neighbor, it's now available! and the place on the lower right? that's where the nice family with four kids lives. also, notice the shiny, new, no-longer-beat-to-hell-on-Mystery-Jerk's-side awning over the front door)
(see that window? it faces our living room. very often, you'll only see a set of tightly closed blinds.)


Tiffany (aka T, Tiffers, Tiffster, and Pally) said...

Dear Mrs. Kravitz,
Enthusiastic congrats for finally losing your unsavory neighbor!

Hopefully peace will be restored soon. Am laughing my arse off at "Satan's lapwarmers"! OMG is that ever funny.

Best, Tiffany

Jenni said...

I hope you get a nice quiet couple or single person or a nice family with kids in there. It's no fun having crappy neighbors. We were certainly glad to leave a few of our old neighbors behind when we moved. Most of the people near us now are either really wonderful or keep to themselves and don't cause problems.

It looks like a nice place he's got there, but the real estate market must be vastly different from here for him to have expectations of getting anywhere near that much.

Dy said...

I feel your joy! Wow. Go U-Dad, too, btw. I loved the "and sober up, already" bit.

I laughed my butt off at "Satan's lapwarmers", except I read it as "Satan's lawnmowers" at first, and thought maybe the dogs were so sick from being cooped up that they were eating a tremendous amount of grass when he took them out. Then I realized my mistake, and have been laughing at myself for the last five minutes.

So, hey, party on -do a happy dance w/ your neighbors for me, and thanks for the laughs this morning!