Friday, March 6, 2009

The Devil Made Me Do It, 3rd & Final Installment

I finished this book about a week ago, but am only getting around to admitting it writing about it now. From the mouth of one of Stephenie Meyer's own characters:

"Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?" (Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, p182)

I want to be dismissive. I want to be callous and haughty and condescending and above-it-all. But the fact is that I came this far, so that position is wearing thin, don'tcha think? And secondly, well, I had fun.

Edward, the "tortured soul" routine is wearing a groove, ok? I. Get. It. Already.
But what the heck. You can be counted on to man-up when the occasion calls for it.


Oh, and I guess that you are not gay afterall (notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat!). By the way, my headboard and pillows are entirely too much intact. Help a girl out with that?

I mean, ummmm, good for you for making the phrase "bite me" a delicious invitation rather than an insult.



Bella, finally! Finally! Finally! You contribute something to the party! I hate you for having the island vacation that no woman will ever have. But at least you ultimately were finally able to do a few things for your Vampiric Brady Bunch of friends, rather than always being the clutzy snack-bait who can be counted on for little more than causing everyone a whole pile of extra work. That got old. And fast.


Jacob... I can't decide what you are. Totally whipped? Glutton for punishment? Another obsessed stalker sort? Or loyal as a -- oh, nevermind -- too obvious. Also, well, errrrr, congratulations????


Stephenie, nice ending. It's all wrapped up with a pretty bow. I didn't feel the need to toss the book across the room and swear curses on you like I feared that I would. And if the spirit moves you, you even have the option to re-visit these characters, shake out the cobwebs, air them out and then find more trouble for them.


Ffffft. Like anyone would race out and buy books like that. (please don't, stephenie, please don't, i want my life back!!!!)


So while there were moments of "What? WHAT? Are you JOKING?," and more than a few instances of "i hate these people -- but-oh-my-god-what-happens-next?" the fact is that I had fun. Heaps and gobs of ridiculous, gooey, could-i be-a-more-of-a-chick, re-visiting-my-inner-12-year-old fun.


You would think that it would all be over now. On to the next time-suck! But no, guess what drops to DVD on March 21?


(I plan on using the portable DVD player with headphones, lest Urban Dad know what I'm watching.)



And then guess what comes along in November?
Hey Smook -- my friend, but really also my Twilight Enabler -- plan on carving out a few hours in November. You made getting into this all too easy. Now you have to go with me to see this thing!



And all of this said, I have to firmly and proudly stand my ground on one important point:



Long Live Buffy! (boy have i missed you these last few months!)

12 comments:

rita said...

You said it so much better than I did! And I agree with all of your thoughts about this series. I moaned and bitched at Bella constantly, and the tortured-soul shit Edward went on and on about was just exhausting. She wants it, Edward! Er, I mean, you. You.

I really thought I was going to end up cursing Meyer too. But she pulled it out of her ass.

I need me some Twilight Enablers my own age!

rita said...

I swear, I think I love you!

Jenny in Ca said...

love your review! Haven't read it, don't plan on it..now I've had your run-down, I don't need to!

I used to watch Buffy back in the day, she totally rocks!

Maria Grace said...

i've never been on your blog before and ended up here at random while avoiding work! I finished Breaking Dawn last night... although I totally agree with you on every point, I'm so sad today that it is all over! those books kept me distracted from real life and now i'll have to go back to daydreaming about real life men instead of vampires i suppose.

june cleaver said...

okay... so I have stolen some of your Edward pics here for my blog-but I promise to give you mad props when I use them.

By the way-that New Moon poster? It is 5 FEET TALL! That is right... I know this because I bought it for my daughter and sneak into her room evey day after she leaves for school and stand next to him and I may or may not even kiss it.

That is right-I said it. Bite me.

rita said...

Five feet tall? Couldn't they have made it 6 feet tall instead? I mean, in the interest of accuracy.

rita said...

And, like, anatomically correct or something.

Urban Mom said...

I keep checking June's to see what she's up to!

=-)

rita said...

"up to"

*fans self*

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