Can I just preface this post with mad props to Darcy at LWM3B? She read about my Netflix snafu and kindly and generously offered me a 24-hour movie rental from Amazon.com. This allowed me to 1.) see Twilight for free 2.) see it sooner than I would have otherwise and 3.) bump Charlotte's Web up to the top spot in my queue (the 1970's version with Paul Lynde as Templeton, 'cause I roll in the old skule way). So a million thank-you's to Darcy!!
Now, let's get to work.
In no particular order:
Wow. I need to move to Hollywood. I cannot act. I cannot direct. I cannot write. There seems to be plenty of work!! A few suggestions for New Moon? A few extra bucks in the budget for acting lessons, please? Pretty, pretty please? Honestly, Robert... were you that bad in Harry Potter? I have to go back and check now. And I hear-tell that it's a different director for New Moon, so perhaps we can lose the high-school-production awkwardness?
If you watch this on the computer, turn off the sound. Put the window with the movie in it up into the corner of the screen. It's a much better movie that way. Very pretty to look at without all of that painful talking coming out of these characters.
You know how sometimes your kids do an art project with glitter? And that bits of glitter can show up in weird places after that? If I see any bit of glitter on Urban Dad, I will scream, race to him, jump on him and smack it off of him.
Cool music. When can I buy one track at a time from iTunes instead of the whole freakin' album?
Also, the scene when Edward & Bella are going up the stairs of the house... what is that painting on the wall? That is what I want to know after seeing this movie. And yes, I am showing my age here by wanting to know this so badly. And no Google search gives me an answer. Someone? Anyone? I loved that painting......
Now let's look at a few characters in particular, shall we?
Chief Swan. My favorite! I think I know why... he hates Edward! And I love to hate Edward. Or hate to love him. Or hate myself for having the hots for him and realizing that I could be his, errrrr, Godmother. Yeah, Godmother. Or maybe it's because Billy Burke was one of the few people in this movie not shooting for the William Shatner Over-Acting Award. Pink Power Ranger wasn't crazy about him -- she seems to think that the Cop Dad Cleaning His Gun As The Suitor Arrives thing is a bit old. But I loved it. Take note Robert and Kristen -- Less Is More.
And besides, look at him in real-life.
He could clean his gun in my kitchen anytime. Extra bonus? He's been (legally) buying his own alcohol for a while now. Longer than me, even.
Jasper. What? Are you going to see The Wizard in the hopes of receiving a brain? Who approved this look for you? Frankly, you weird me out a bit. You look less like a white-knuckling-it vampire than someone who's just, well, kinda nuts.
Alice & Emmett:
Just as I pictured them. Needless to say, strokes of genius on the parts of the casting and makeup people.
Stephenie Meyer: Nice cameo! Very Fenoglio in Inkspell (which I am currently reading). Yep, you get it all here at Urban Mom -- movie reviews, comparative literature. I'm a woman of many talents. (and of many Google searches)
OMG, wait! Is she at a computer? As in writing?! Quick! Someone take it from her! Take away that computer before she strikes again! Honestly, that's the scariest thing in this movie.
You kept reminding me of someone. Someone I had seen in another movie. Where else had I heard such badly written sage reminders so badly delivered? Then it hit me!Gary Cole as Mike Brady in The Brady Bunch Movies! Except, I think that he was doing it intentionally. Yeah, he meant to be funny. Is that what you were going for too, Carlisle???
I don't know why, but I kept expecting Jack Bauer to pop out of nowhere and shoot her.
Again, just as I imagined Rosalie. I like her. Yeah, she's a beeeyotch and a half, but you know exactly where you stand with her. No fakey fake to your face and then talking smack about you when you leave the room. She'll talk smack about you right there. No need for Edward to read her mind. She'll speak it for you and for anyone else in the room. I find that weirdly refreshing and hope that she gets more lines in the future.
'Cause you know that I'll just end up going to see this.
In the theater this time. Tagging along behind a bunch of middle-school girls so that it looks like I'm chaperoning them. When really, the reverse could just as easily be true.
Until then, closing the book on this topic for a while!